Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Monitoring My Aggression

It’s not often I write about my computer hardware. I’m not a nerdy twenty-something anymore who obsesses over the size of my motherboard or the speed of my processor. I no longer care about the make, model or speed. I just want things to work. To let me do what I want to do. To surf, to write, to research. Whatever. And no, “whatever” does not equal “dodgy web sites”.

I wrote about my monitor a while ago (a Cibox if you must know). It keep switching itself off. I was close to committing acts of violence against its LCD display. I realized at the time how ridiculous such an act would be.

I’m ashamed to say I’ve now gone beyond seeing the ridiculousness of computer focused brutality. It has become my normal mode of operation.

I snatched 10 minutes of computer time this morning before leaving for work. The bloody monitor switched itself off no less than 8 times. The only remedy is to unplug the power cable and then ram it back home again.

This has now become a dangerous remedy. I can hear electricity buzzing and arcing around the back. I suspect the socket has taken such a beating it now resembles Pete Burns’ lips. I have also punched the monitor in the face more than once too. I mean, actually physically punched it. To the point where it hurt my knuckles.

I’ve searched on-line for a diagnosis (for the monitor problems not my sore knuckles – I’m well aware of what caused that). Some web sites speak of driver issues with Windows 7. They might be right. The sporadic shutting down isn’t as arbitrary as it should be. It feels like my own interactions with the internet are causing it. No, not dodgy web sites again. I click on a link or close down a web page and ping! The monitor dies. The timing it just too spot on. However, my constant stabbing away round the back with the power cable has probably caused additional damage to the monitor. It now can’t be trusted to be sold on safely. It will have to be ditched.

I will take great pleasure in doing this, believe me.

I am seriously considering buying a gun.

Anyway, the upshot is that, despite not being able to afford it, I have ordered a brand new spanking 21.5 inch Samsung monitor from Amazon. It was dispatched this morning. On the one hand it feels like an extravagant waste of money on what is – relatively speaking – a non-essential item.

On the other, it does mean I will save a fortune on no longer having to attend anger management classes.

Because let’s be honest, they weren’t working anyway.

Rather like my old monitor.

*Sigh*

And breathe...



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22 comments:

Marginalia said...

I take it yours is not a touch screen monitor?

Oh dear, are you sure it's the monitor that's the problem?

It's a bit late now but did you test your PC using another monitor. Have you a lap to you can use and plug you PC into its screen?

Gorilla Bananas said...

A monitor? Does that mean you have one of those hulking great desktop PCs? Computers aren't like elephants, you know, biggest isn't best.

Steve said...

Marginalia: I'm pretty darn sure it's the monitor - the PC carries on merrily away unaffected while the monitor goes into standby mode.

Gorilla Bananas: yes, it is.

Kelloggsville said...

Similar thing was happening to me. In the end mine did finely spark just a little to much. I stomped round to PC world bought the biggest one they had and skipped home. Sometimes the hassle things cause by not working properly and how stressed it makes you feel is justification enough for spending the money.

Steve said...

Kelloggsville: yep, that's how retail therapy works for me too.

Marginalia said...

Clearly a "boys' toys" post.

Steve said...

Marginalia: just wait till I start going on about the puncture in my blow-up sheep.

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

It sounds like you've done the right thing Steve. Upgrading (spending money) on your writing/research equipment is not a waste of money. And hey Gorilla Bananas, using a monitor, with a nice button-proud keyboard (in my case)is more to do with having poor eyesight, and having learnt to type on a sit-up-and-beg typrewriter!

Steve said...

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden: very true and, to be honest, there's never a good time to blow a hundred quid on a new monitor so why the hell not now?

Being Me said...

Hahaha, Marginalia - touch screen monitor. Too. Funny.

Not that I'm laughing at your expense, Steve *cough*

Have you ever seen Office Space? Before you buy your gun, why don't you do yourself a favour and watch it - in particular, the scene where the nerds take the stupid effing printer/photocopier/monster to a vacant field and, complete with baseball bats, slow-mo camera and gangland-style rap, really take to the thing with all the pent-up aggression of every paper jam, every error and red light warning they have in them.

It's a poignant moment in the film. Actually.... I think you'd appreciate the whole movie, full stop. Please go watch it and report back. Hurry!

Steve said...

Being Me: will have to Google / Amazon it right away. That sounds good. Baseball bats and catharsis. Marriage made in Heaven.

the fly in the web said...

Kind friend asking me if I needed any help with my recalcitrant printer...enough bumps and grinds for a strip show but action...

Reply

No, thank you. I can throw it through the window myself.

Nota Bene said...

Take it upstairs. No better still, use your ladder to get up on the roof and climb as high as you can, then throw it off. the old one. Not the new one.

Vicky said...

My computer will need a new restart button soon DAMN flash player keeps on breaking and freezing my internet. Oh and BTW if anyone knows how to fix my problem please contact me, I use windows XP:0)

Oh and sorry for highjacking your comments with my computer woes Steve!!

Owen said...

Did you ever see the Royal Road Test Project, a book of photos done long ago where someone took their old Royal typewriter in a car and threw it out the window while travelling at very high speed. They then went back and photographed the debris along the desert roadside... letters in sagebrush. Very moving. It can be found on Google, like most everything else. You may want to try using a claw hammer the next time, it saves your knuckles.

Steve said...

The fly in the web: defenestration. The IT technician's best friend.

Nota Bene: I'm scared off heights but it might be worth hiring a cherry picker.

Vicky: go for it. I charge a very reasonable commission.

Owen: a clawhammer? The professional approach... I like it.

Tenon_Saw said...

21.5 inches ought to be enough for anybody!!!

Steve said...

Tenon_Saw: it's so big I can barely touch the sides.

Tenon_Saw said...

Was my innuendo was lost on you? Or did you rightly ignore it?

Steve said...

Tenon_Saw: I think maybe I mistook it for another one?

Am I slipping in my old age?

The Poet Laura-eate said...

My work computer is constantly cutting out. I've reported it to IT and they don't give a damn. Tried changing the ethernet cable, but that doesn't work either. I feel your pain.

Steve said...

Laura: the only certainties in life are death, taxes and IT failure.