Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Too Little And Too Much

I am out of love with technology this morning.

This morning the internet isn’t doing it for me and, if I’m honest, it’s been getting on my tits for the last week or so.

First up is Disqus. This is the technology that is working “too little”.

I’m Disqusted with it. I know some of you use it. I know some of you praise it to high heaven. Some of you are even honest and say that it’s just OK. Whenever I encounter it I have worked out that I have a mere 1 in 4 chance of it (a) letting me actually letting log into it and (b) after that actually letting me leave a comment. On some blogs it handshakes with me without a problem. On others it seems intent on giving me the two fingered salute and spitting all over whatever words of wisdom I am trying to impart. Those of you who haven’t heard from me for a post or two (Nota Bene and Wanderlust), I am afraid Disqus says my name is not on the list and I cannot come in. I’m not wearing the right jacket or shoes and I’m not wearing a tie. I have tried. Honestly. I’ve tried signing in via different applications and tried leaving it to work its magic for hours. I get a nice graphic of three cogs spinning around but it just hangs endlessly like a highwayman at Tyburn. I have tried banging my head against my computer screen but that just warps my vision.

As for the technology that is doing “too much”. That is hotmail.

When I log into hotmail I just want to nip in quickly, check for any new messages and then log straight back out again. I don’t want a hug or a snog. I don’t want to indulge in frottage or dry humping. I don’t want a date or a full on marriage with kids, a dog and an affair with the butcher’s wife down the road.

So why the hell do you insist on continuously asking me for my telephone number?

This is a piece of deeply personal information. Surely the whole point of a hotmail account is some level of anonymity? A hotmail email address if perfect for shopping at sites you don’t trust 100% and for on-line surveys where you want to leave information but nothing that MI5 can trace back to your front door. I can’t fathom why an email account provider would need my personal telephone number. Oh I know it’s supposed to be about security and password / account protection. But really! If you can’t vouchsafe the security and integrity of my email account why the hell should I trust you with my telephone number?!

Unfortunately there seems to be no way to switch off or bypass the request (except, I suspect, by acquiescing which I am not about to do). Every second log in I get taken to the “can we have your phone number” screen. I merely retype “hotmail” into the address bar of my browser and finally get taken to my account. But it is becoming annoying. Take a hint Hotmail: I am not giving you my telephone number. Not now and not ever. How dare you even ask? Next you’ll be asking me for my home address, bank account and inside leg measurement and a biometric photograph of the skin whorls on my left testicle.

The only thing I’m happy to give you is a biometric photograph of the skin whorls on my middle finger.

Swivel!

As for Disqus... hold the line, sir, I’ll be with you in just a sec...


17 comments:

Kelloggs Ville said...

disqus have recently taken their product through a major upgrade. they appear to have failed to test it in the wild first and it is struggliong with bug after bug, have patience their fix list is coming in fast and furious. most people uing it chose to do it before blogger commenting caught up with functionality so it seems and are a bit stuck at the moment but I have faith it will improve again.

Hotmail want your number so you have a way to reclaim your account if/when it gets hacked and taken over by people that decide to tell all your contacts you are trapped in Lagos and they need to send money now. Some people use hotmail as a mail account they wouldn't be happy to just destroy and they are trying to cover that eventuality off. Its a shame you can't say it's a 'happy to destroy' account and please stop asking me this.

We expect so much out of our technology now and any outage/bug/functionality failure and it really affects us. It also affects my moods directly, one broken template and I'm as grumpy as a grumpy thing, well as grumpy as a Steve really!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Disqus is a piece of shit - no argument from me there. As for the hotmail issue, have you thought of giving it a bogus telephone number? I believe it's a trick used by pretty girls to deflect attention from unwanted suitors.

John Gray said...

I am glad I am such a luddite
I just smash the keyboard buttons down and hope for the best!

Steve said...

Kelloggs Ville: sage and wise advice and, deep down inside, I knew it already. It’s just that sometimes... sometimes you need to ride the anger.

Gorilla Bananas: so that’s why their numbers always come up as “unobtainable”!

John: I'm thinking of trying that with a clawhammer.

libby said...

I start getting a bit 'ooh dear this is technical' and backing away from the keyboard when talk turns to stuff like this...and then do what John Gray does!

Wanderlust said...

You know, I regret installing Disqus. I have had so many people tell me the same thing -- that they can't comment. I'm looking into switching it back, but it appears I might lose all the comments from Disqus if I do so. Alas...

Also, I switched to gmail.

Owen said...

The one that really drives me bananas is Adobe who constantly harrass us with updates to their Flash Player... I think their product must be total crap if it needs to be updated every week or two. Don't they realize that they are driving customers away by irritating the bejeezus out of us ??? I will never buy an Adobe product as long as I live, thanks to their ridiculous update frequency...

Steve said...

Libby: I can recommend Bosch's nice range of hammers...

Wanderlust: I tried 7 times to leave a comment on your blog this morning. 7. And Disqus would have none of it. :-(

Owen: I know what you mean but at least you have the option to refuse the update or to make it ask you for permission first. With hotmail and Disqus there is no dialogue whatsoever but the dialogue they choose for you.

Being Me said...

I have a love-hate relationship with Disqus too. I very nearly installed it when i made the move to Wordpress.... would've spelled the death knell on my blog comments altogether I think.

I like Kellogsville's new simile: As grumpy as a Steve. I'm gonna use it!

the fly in the web said...

Disqus was obviously going to be dreadful...they can't spell.

Agree with Gorilla Bananas re false number...I have that of a crooked notaire if you would like to avail yourself of it...

Steve said...

Being Me: I'm so glad you didn't install Disqus... so glad! As for the simile... I'm going to trademark my name. Should make me quite a bit of moolah.

The fly in the web: hmm... but if my email account is lost and they ring him do I really want that kind of connection? How crooked is he?

Livi said...

It's just any excuse with some people isn't it ;)
I have to say I like Disqus and don't have any problems with it, it lets me comment no problem.
Hotmail I do have problems with in that it sucks!

Steve said...

Livi: it sucks and it wants my phone number. That's great if it were a girl; not so great in an email client.

Katriina said...

To be honest, I'm a bit relieved to hear that everyone else is finding Disqus a total b*tch at the moment. I thought it was just me and my cheap & crappy PC. I love and hate technology.

Steve said...

Katriina: I only love it when it does what it says on the tin...

Anonymous said...

hotmail asking for telephone number

ive had the same prob but just used the back button (twice at most) then was able to login as per norm.
They aint getting my number boy

Steve said...

Anonymous: no point them having your telephone number when they can't have your name, eh...?! ;-)