Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Nigella Espresso

Nigella LawsonBaptitious kitchen chatelaine, Nigella Lawson, kicked off her new “good food fast” cookery TV series last night – “Nigella Express” and not, as I’d hoped, “Nigella Espresso”. Hmm. It seems that my idea for a raunchy bedroom-based dessert focused TV pilot has been turned down flat by the bosses of Channel 4... I can’t understand why. I mean if they’re happy to invest money in Gillian McKeith intimately examining other people’s poo why not fling a few tenners my way to buy a spatula and an industrial barrel of whipped cream?

Anyway, gripes aside, it was good to see the dusky voiced one back on the telly and doing her damnedest to insist that her plainly glamorous life is anything but and is, in fact, as humdrum as that of the rest of us. Hmm. I don’t think so Nigella. My entire family could live in your walk-in pantry and never have to go to the supermarket again. Ever.

But I think that’s part of Nigella’s appeal. The slightly embarrassed and guilty glamour-puss seductress coupled with the “oh I’m so dowdy really” yummy-mummy modesty. That and the cow-eyed looks over the garlic grater and the coquettish lip moistening as she manhandles the biggest sweet potato I’ve ever seen in my life. No wonder Nigella has one of the biggest male fan bases of all the TV chefs.

Apparently she’s horrified by accusations that she deliberately sexes up her cooking performances but I’m sure she’s also clever enough to not mess with a schtick that plainly works. Besides which the sensual element definitely adds an essential layer to the recipes and is an integral part of the Nigella ethos – whether it’s there deliberately or not. Nigella is all about pleasure: the pleasure of food and the pleasure of life. And it would be a sad individual indeed who objected to that.

The main thing though (as has been pointed out by a reader of this blog, Lucy) Nigella is smokin’ hot. At 47 she’s looking damn good. If that’s what big puddings do for you then I’ll take double helpings please.

Talking of which, last night saw Nigella tenderizing a couple of pork chops with a rolling pin. The way she moved was, ahem, mesmerizing to say the least.

Anthony Worrall Thompson – though he could easily emulate the upper body motion – would not have had quite the same effect...

15 comments:

The Sagittarian said...

Yes, my dad always used to say "Never trust a skinny cook"; of course as a kid I always thought he had made that up himself. Now days I know that he didn't but I figure he was right all the same. Nigella rocks.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Give me Gregory Peck-on-a-stick any day of the week!

I find Nigella's culinary habits unhygienic to say the least and would not wish to partake of anything 'handmade' (why is that such an off-putting label when applied to food?) by her. If she wants to do some sort of burlesque with kitchen utensils, she should stop messing about pretending it's a cookery show and just get on with it.

Come back Delia & your no-nonsense professionalism in the Kitchen.

The Sagittarian said...

I forgot to add, I always really enjoyed watching Julia Child...sort of the patron saint of swigging while one cooks. My other saying is "I like cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food".

Lucy said...

a raunchy bedroom-based dessert focused TV pilot

I would have tuned in and watched adamantly.

it was good to see the dusky voiced one

Another reason why I love Nigella so much--she is my heroine, my kitchen idol.

But I think that’s part of Nigella’s appeal. The slightly embarrassed and guilty glamour-puss seductress coupled with the “oh I’m so dowdy really” yummy-mummy modesty. That and the cow-eyed looks over the garlic grater and the coquettish lip moistening as she manhandles the biggest sweet potato I’ve ever seen in my life. No wonder Nigella has one of the biggest male fan bases of all the TV chefs.

I don't even have to see the episode and I'm already turned on. (I only wish I was kidding in that last sentence.)

How is it that I'm perfectly straight, but Nigella makes me question my sexuality?

We're both in love with the same woman, Steve. Except I'm single. You're married. What's your excuse?

Apparently [Nigella's] horrified by accusations that she deliberately sexes up her cooking performances but I’m sure she’s also clever enough to not mess with a schtick that plainly works. Besides which the sensual element definitely adds an essential layer to the recipes and is an integral part of the Nigella ethos

Nigella is walking sex. She knows it. We know it. The producers know it. Why change a formula that works? She's a right tease if you ask me.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Sadly Nigella just makes me question my TV licence fee, rather than my sexuality!

Steve said...

Hi Amanda, I quite agree regarding the skinny cook thing, it's part of me beef (ahem) against Gary Rhodes. They don't have to be porky but I expect them to at least love the dishes they create and I want to see evidence of this.

Laura, a fervent response indeed! I must admit I've never looked at Nigella from a hygienic point of view which says a lot about me I guess... though in yesterday's show she grabbed some tongues that were hung up in her kitchen and I did have the fleeting thought: are you not going to dust them first or check for cobwebs, Nigella... but then I got distracted by her "come-to-bed" wrist action as she removed some deep fried squid from the pan... by the way, I had no idea that Gregory Peck could cook! No reason that he shouldn't have been able to of course...!

Hi Lucy, my excuse and my saving grace (I hope) is that my wife is similar to Nigella in a lot of ways and can rustle up some amazing things in the kitchen (me included)! But you/we are totally right. Nigella is culinary sex. Food porn. It sells and it sells well. Even Karen wants to buy Nigella's latest cookbook. Nigella could flirt with a mangled piece of chicken liver in her hands and she would still get laid. More power to her elbow I say. On a serious note, one thing I do like about Nigella is that she comes across as a very generous, warm and fun person. Very real too. That's always sexy.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Well if I want someone to fancy, I watch a Gregory Peck film (or failing that anything with David Tennant in it!)

If I want to watch a cookery programme, I'll watch a cookery programme.

This cross-contamination thingy is actually against environmental health legislation anyway :-)

But it's probably the memory of my late grandmother repeatedly smacking her chops in a most revolting way every time a cookery programme (of any ilk) came on. It put me right off my food each teatime. Didn't exactly make me feel sexy either.

Steve said...

Against environmental health legislation! Ha ha! You know Laura, I could almost believe that's true! I bet there's a DEFRA lab somewhere near a Surrey farm that's even now deliberately cross-splicing human pheremones with Nigella's latest cookbook... or worse: cutting out Anthony Worral Thompson's head from a magazine and sticking it onto Brad Pitt's (or Gregory Peck's) body... shudder!

Actually I can sympathise with the lip smacking thing. I used to work in a nursing home and a lot of lip smacking went on. It's a strangely unappetizing noise. It would be a great basis for a new dieting fad. Gillian McKeith take note!

Rol Hirst said...

You nearly had me again for a second there... but Nigella can't compete with Kirsty Allsop, she's just a bit too perfect to be real.

Steve said...

Hi Rol,

It's a tough call, I must admit. Nigella will keep you supplied with good food for the rest of your life but Kirstie would have got you the dream kitchen in the first place... damn. Life is so tough sometimes. Decisions, decisions...

Steve said...

Regarding my first comment above: I did of course mean tongs as opposed to tongues. Nigella might have the odd dusty pair of tongs floating about her kitchen, but tongues??

The only tongue floating about yesterday was mine. Floats like a butterfly, can't quite spell like a bee.

MOTHER OF MANY said...

I am afraid I cannot even watch Nigella for even a few seconds with her constant slobbering over her hands ,utensils and food makes me want to slap her. Though I am able to see the appeal she has over the male viewing public.

Steve said...

Ha ha! I must admit you do have a point, Ally, she does seem to be quite orally fixated when it comes to her kitchen utensils. As you suggest though, her male fans will only see that as a prime selling point!

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