Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Sleeplessness

The baby’s not even born yet and I’m suffering sleepless nights!

For well over a fortnight now I’ve been waking up around 5am and just lying there, absolutely exhausted but nevertheless wide-eyed and awake and as far from sleep as it’s possible to get. The cumulative effect is that I am now practically a zombie (though hopefully with less offensive BO) and have the ability to fudge up the most basic of physical actions. Weirdly my thought processes don’t seem to be diminished one iota but then, if you’re already at rock bottom, there is no where else left to fall.

Anyway there are number of external factors which are no doubt exacerbating this state of sleeplessness: my neighbour is a postman and leaves the house around 5.30am every morning and seems unable to do so without stomping down his stairs and slamming the door like Marsha’s enigmatic daughter from Spaced. I’m not yet in a position to confirm or deny that he wears the same stripy stockings as well. My boy is also waking up pre-5.30am and as quiet as he tries to be there’s a vast difference between a 6 year old’s idea of quiet and quiet per se. Anyone with kids will know what I mean.

But in all honesty I think I’m just waking up early due to internal factors. When Karen and I lost the baby last year the experience was pretty horrific and although it turned out that Karen was perfectly safe I nevertheless went through the classic “pacing of the hospital corridors at 4.0am” while Karen was carted off to the operating theatre and for 90 minutes I had no idea what the hell was going on. Since then my love of hospitals and all things medical – always pretty ropey at the best of times – has waned rather drastically to the point I get hives at the mere thought of us having to undergo yet another hospital experience.

And of course, now that the date for the caesarean has been set the clock is ticking and so are my facial muscles.

I know, I know, it’ll all be fine.

But I worry.

11 comments:

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Maybe some meditation would help.

Steve said...

I'm so tired I thought you'd typed "medication"...!

The Sagittarian said...

My Nana used to suggest that we write down before bed time everything that was either worrying us or annoying us, basically anything negative. It either tired us out trying to think of things or it worked. Maybe you had to be about 8 years old for it to work.
Meditation AND medication? Maybe you could lie there thinking about all the things that have gone right, and all the things that are great. I think you'll find thats the bigger list. Cyber hug.

TimeWarden said...

Sorry to hear you've been having sleepless nights, Steve. I'm none too keen on hospitals myself and you've certainly put me off my dentist appointment a week on Friday!

Seriously though, I hope that everything goes well for you and your family regarding your new addition! How does your boy feel at the prospect of a sibling?

Steve said...

Hi Amanda, weirdly after writing this post yesterday I actually managed a decent night's sleep last night - woke a few times but managed to drop off again and slept through to 7 o'clock. Maybe writing the blog was a sufficiently cathartic experience that it helped relax me? Who knows! But even weirder was the fact that my boy - who's been getting up at 5.30 for the last month also slept in till 7 o'clock... Anyway, I feel much better as a consequence. Cheers for the cyber hug!

Hi TimeWarden, good to see you back as always. Thank you for the kind thoughts - I hope your dentist appointment is smooth, pain-free and not too expensive! The boy is quite looking forward to Tom's birth and sees it all as very exciting. He's exceptionally good with younger children and likes playing the "older brother" who looks after everyone. I dare say there'll be a few jealousy issues and a bit of attention seeking further down the line but that's normal and to be expected. It all seems quite a long way off still though!

Rol Hirst said...

You have my sympathies, as someone who has in the past been troubled by bouts of what the docs call "premature waking" (not sure I like a doc using the word premature)... and my girlfriend also suffers from this a lot too.

I've tried lots of relaxation techniques over the years. One I found effective, if I could get into the right mindset, was to picture the thoughts turning over in my head as bubbles... and then watch them float away one by one, until your mind is blank.

It sounds bollocks, I know, but it does SOMETIMES work...

Steve said...

Hmm. I wonder if I can blag some time off work due to suffering "premature somnambulistic ejection"...?

The Sagittarian said...

As a fan of Dr Seuss from way back, here's another wee saying "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behaind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me."

You better take care with the medical terms there, Steve, you might find another reason to lye there worrying! :-)

MOTHER OF MANY said...

As a parent who hasn't slept well in the last 6 years because of a very active child with autism,I know you will look back on the 5am early wake ups as a positive lie-in.
I do appreciate how you must feel with the neighbour as my neghbours have fought constantly, every night,all through the night, for the last 11 years(they sleep in the day-and they are mad!).

Steve said...

Hi Ally, you are of course dead right and I'm sure my sleep will be broken even more once the baby has arrived and will make me look back at this present time as "the good ol' days"!

-eve- said...

You'll both be in my prayers :-)