Friday, May 23, 2008

Leaving The Shadows

Hi kids, Cliff here.

Me and Una are off on a week’s summer holiday tomorrow. We’re taking the sproglets somewhere where the sun shines brightly. Somewhere where the sea is blue. We’ve seen it in the movies and, to be honest, we just want to see if it’s true.

I’ve packed my small speakers, my tall speakers and my wall speakers. And I’m cruising around on my roller-skates as I type. Stereo into the breakfast show. Whoa-oh-oh-whoa-whoa-whoa.

It’s going to be really great, huh.

But there’s just one thing folks. While I’m away, if you see that guy from The Shadows – the one who dances funny while playing his guitar at nipple height – can you please tell him that I didn’t sleep with his missus.

And if I did it was only twice and it was so bad I have vowed never to do it again.

She was like a devil woman, ok, and me and God just can’t dig that.

Ciao for now.


Anonymous said...

haha have a lovely time in Pays de Sheep, Steve.

My mother has a "thing" about Cliff and once made us stand for about 4 hours outside his villa in Portugal just incase he appeared. He didn't.

Steve said...

Wow, Gina, what a coincidence. I've actually done the very same thing. Only difference is I was armed with a high-powdered sniper rifle at the time... *sigh* the things you don't see when you're armed with a gun... ;-)

TimeWarden said...

Presumably, if you're off to the seaside, you'll get to see a different sort of cliff... which can only be a good thing!

Hope you all enjoy your week's break and look forward to reading about it on your return.

Old Cheeser said...

Wow, well I hope you have a WALE (?!) of a time on holiday, Sir Clifford. But before you depart I just have a few questions to put to you:

1. Are you gay? Surely this display of "heterosexuality" is a put-on and just something to please the mums at concerts? And Sue Barker was ages ago.
2. Are you a virgin? (As your Spitting Image likeness delighted in repeating).
3. Are you wired for sound?
4. Does Carrie still not live here any more?!
5. Are you going to get yourself a crying, walking, sleeping, talking, living d-

SNIP! Enough!!

Steve said...

Thanks TimeWarden, yes I have to say that I hope the only cliffs we run into are of the non-musical kind. (Damn - that still leaves it open for Sir Cliff, doesn't it?)

OC, to answer your questions:

1) I'm happy all the time but a little mistletoe and wine and I'm anybodies. Regarding Sue Barker - I had to let her go as she kept asking for new balls - very off-putting.
2) Because I'm born again... yes, I am a Virgin.
3) No. I'm wired for ECT.
4) Carrie, as everybody knows, lives on Tattoine in a metal bikini... or am I confusing her with somebody else?
5) I do indeed have a crying, walking, sleeping, talking living doll. His name is action man and I like playing with his tank.

-eve- said...

HAve a good holiday! :-)

Lucy Fishwife said...

Cliff, I want you to be very careful about driving that doubledecker bus under low bridges. And no hanky panky with Melvyn Hayes.

Rol said...

Have a great time - I won't see you when you get back, 'cos I'll be off of mine then.

Hope we both have good weather.

The Sagittarian said...

Aw gawd, that charming banter twixt you and OC...I have actually written a story entirely using song titles...if you're good (and bored enough) I can post it or email it...whatever, have a great holiday! Make sure you pamper Mrs Steve. Or else.
BTW - I actually went to see Sir Cliff in concert many years ago (was bought a ticket by a friend who died..another story) and he was BRILLIANT. I'm sorry. But he was.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Ha Ha - splendid posting!

Ok, so some of us have yet to forgive him for 'Mistletoe & Wine' but the beeb ARE getting their own back by refusing to play ANY of his tracks on the radio any more.

You gotta feel sorry for the guy.

The wheels on the bus go round and round - have a great double-decker holiday with the brood Steve!

Inchy said...

Bring me some rock back, and a pretty sea shell.

Matthew Rudd said...

Cliff's okay, actually.

Have a good break.

Glenda Young said...

Hope you all have a lovely family holiday. Was there fighting?

Steve said...

Eve - thank you: we did, despite the weather!

Lucyfishwife - we left Melvyn well alone. I always preferred Windsor Davies anyway...

Rol - having sat through a mini tornado in a tent I sincerely hope your weather is better than mine!

Amanda - I guess we all have out vices and Cliff Richard I'm sure isn't yours! Would love to see your song title post!

Laura - I knew there was a reason I've always loved the BBC! The wheels on the bus didn't so much go round and round as skid sideways in high cross winds...!

Inchy - alas all I have brought back from Wales is mud and a few jars of lemon curd. Let's hope I don't get the 2 confused...

Matthew - I do I admit have a soft spot for Wired For Sound though the video is absolutely appalling.

Nora - alas no fighting but we came pretty close to mud wrestling!

Thank you one and all for your kind comments. I'm currently up to my neck in revision for a Uni exam on Saturday but will post as soon as I can. :-)

MommyHeadache said...

It's so funny how we don't talk anymore....
are you wired for sound?? do you remember that ridiculous video with him on rollerskates?
Does Cliffy still tour?

Steve said...

Alas, Emma, I'm reliably informed that he still does...

Anonymous said...

How did the exam go? Hope it was all OK and that you are feeling less ill.

I once wrote a post about ants with Adam and the Ants song titles hidden in it. It was more fun to write though than to read I fear. Not sure I can face going back to the old blog to find it. It wasn't a pleasant experience last time I did that!

Anonymous said...

Have a good time ! I can't wait to go camping...Sadly the weather in the Lake district is hardly reliable...It is only a 40 minute drive from Lancaster anyway...Perhaps I should aim elsewhere.

best wishes!