Thursday, May 01, 2008

Teabags

I’m going to lift the lid a little on the neat(ish) four-walled container that is my domestic life in this post... nothing too saucy though: I honestly don’t think you’d be able to cope with the enormous, pulsating levels of un-depravity that occur beneath the roof of my house on a regular basis...

Instead I’m going to talk to you about the Blake Tea Ceremony which generally occurs once every 2 or 3 weeks and though it lasts barely ten minutes seems to impinge on my consciousness for an amount totally disproportionate to its importance in the bigger scheme of things.

Karen and I like a drop of Earl Grey. I’ll spare you the aromatic descriptions – we just like the stuff so drink it a lot. Now whether it’s a specific property of Earl Grey or a property of tea in general, I don’t know, but within 10 days the tea mugs are not just stained but are coated on the inside. A thick layer of tannin that no ordinary dishcloth will ever shift. The build up is phenomenal. If left for 2 weeks the volume of tea that the mugs can contain actually diminishes.

If left unchecked the mugs eventually come to resemble cross sections of one of John Prescott’s arteries or two very short, incredibly thick straws.

It’s at this point that I have to act. I just can’t bear it. The only thing that can cleanse the mugs back to their sparkling pristine state is a wire scourer. The result of all the subsequent scrubbing is that the dishwater ends up looking like a flood in a clay pit. Revolting. But suddenly the amount of tea that the mugs can accommodate nearly doubles. It’s amazing.

My only concern is what the hell the tea is doing to my insides? We’ve all heard about the acidic effects if coke... do I need to up my cola intake to ensure my oesophagus and my stomach don’t become congested with tea residue? Swallow the occasional wire brush to chip away at the internal build-up (not good for piles surely)?

It’s a small thing, I know. But it bothers me.

However, my psychiatrist says it’s healthy to air these things...

14 comments:

Daisy said...

i am also a big tea drinker and have been told that the acid naturally in your body breaks down what your tea cup does not...in saying that, i am not a doctor but i do play one on the internet from time to time...hehe...

enjoy your tea time...just rinse the cups more often and don't sweat the small stuff...

Steve said...

Ah but it's the small stuff that gets me everytime, Daisy... ;-)

Reluctant Blogger said...

I reckon you should swallon one of those Calgon tablets daily just incase. Or perhaps Teagon I guess. Actually I wonder if you could not find a friendly scientist and develop a new product which would remove all this gunk from the cups and call it Teagon or Tanningon or whatever. You could be the next Alan Sugar. Well Steve Tea it would be, wouldn't it?

Now I"m being silly.

I don't drink tea so I have no gunk in my cups. So you wouldn't ever sell any wire brushes or Teagon to me I'm afraid.

Steve said...

Ha ha, thanks Gina... maybe I ought to try Cillit Bang while I'm at it (if nothing else it would increase the volume of my voice)...

As for being the next Alan Sugar... not sure that "Steve Tea" has the same ring to it. I could do the grumpiness no problem but I'm not sure I'd want Margaret and Nick perched on my shoulders all the time like two white haired vultures... though I could handle the increase in cash flow no problem.

I'm sure I could sell you a wire brush, Gina, they're great for cleaning all kinds of things... they're not recommended for bath use though.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Try filling them with hot water and a teaspoon of bicarb of soda and leaving them overnight. Bleach also works, but Bicarb is better for you and no risk of aftertaste!

Bet you've both got great tans though! (pity they are on the inside)

Steve said...

Trouble is, Laura, the state of my bikini line is dreadful...

EmmaK said...

I really don't think this is something to worry about since even if tea does build up inside you it cannot kill you. But if you are really worried you can always try drinking weak tea, for that read American tea. Things are getting desperate around here, if I buy american tea I have to use three teabags for one cup! It makes me feel like a tea addict, but if i don't use three it comes out piss weak. We all have our tea issues alas, thank God they have now introduced something called 'British Blend' here which is a bit of an improvement.

The Sagittarian said...

P'raps you should try Brazilian tea then, Steve? (oh ho ho ho) I also drinks heaps of tea - all kinds but can't get to grips with Earl Grey. It's the bergamot I think, but anyway it tastes like soap to me. My latest "craze" is Chinese Gunpowder tea.
I clean my tea cup (yes, I have a cup that I have had since I was 16 and it is still the best for tea) the way Laura suggested but if I'm in a hurry I give it a soak with boiling water and autodishwash powder!

-eve- said...

Hmmm.... I never thought about the tea on your insides...lol... the only thing I know about tea is that it decreases iron absorption...

Steve said...

Ha ha, thanks Emma, but rest assured, the effect of tea staining my innards isn't something that genuinely keeps me awake at night... it was rather a quiet blog day... not that I was palming off the scraping from the bottom of my barrel upon you all, honest!

But your tea-based responses have been interesting! I know from a trip to the states a few years ago that it was not worth the effort to drink US tea... whereas the coffee, in comparison to British stuff, blew your head off. I'd be interested to hear whether the British Blend (what a great name) is an improvement!

Hi Amanda, Brazilian tea eh? Not sure I could cope with the itching! Chinese Gunpowder tea sounds wonderful - I guess you just throw in a lighted match and it cleans the cup for you...

Eve, that is something I never knew... maybe if I cut out tea I wouldn't feel so tired and lethargic...?

Annie said...

Laura's suggestion of a bicarb solution is good. Your teeth could go in there as well

Steve said...

Hmm... that shounds sho shexy...!

per.pri said...

Love love love a cup of hot Early Grey with a piece of cake! A tea fiend myself as you may have guessed! I like a variety though - green tea (plus varieties including jasmine, lemon, roseflower), peppermint, camomile...

Rinsing and soaking the cups straight after helps, along with a couple of soda crystals (think that was mentioned by poet laura-eate). That is what i do and they are still sparkly clean!

-eve- said...

Hmmm... am not sure..hehe... I know coffee is a stimulant, but not sure about tea. A girlfriend just told me that green tea helps her mind stay alert, though, so you might try that (I plan to, too, cos she also said that green tea helps you burn fat! And she's the thinnest girl I know...hehehe ;-))