Thursday, December 18, 2008

When Heroes Grow Old

The ever gorgeous Wendy and LisaHeroes Unmasked was of double interest to me last night as not only did it preview the season finale of Heroes (due for UK broadcast next week) but also focused on Wendy and Lisa, the delicious duo who long ago were musical compadres of Prince and now score all of the incidental and theme music for Heroes.

I’ve long been a fan – from the early Revolution days, through Purple Rain and Prince’s purple patches and finally during their last incarnation as independent pop duo “Wendy & Lisa”. If I’m honest I still play their solo (duo?) albums on my MP3 player but then I’ve always been an eighties head at heart anyway.

But enough about my confused biology...

As the narrator introduced the theme for the night’s analysis they kindly cut to a clip of Wendy and Lisa grooving their funk-thang on TOTP – early nineties by my reckoning – all gorgeously teased hair, cheekbones, curvy hips and tight bouncing tops... how they enticed the eye even as they pleasured the ear... my excitement was mounting.

And then we were presented with the lovely ladies as they are today.

I feel down-right mean for saying this but they looked old.

I mean they looked “old” – not just older. Maybe it was the appalling light in their studio but they didn’t appear to have aged well.

I apologise. I don’t know why. I just feel the need to. For making such an uncharitable observation. I feel I’m being somehow mean spirited and disloyal. And I’m being grossly unfair. Their heyday was 20 years ago for God’s sake – what did I expect? I ought to be proud that they’ve spurned the cosmetic surgery route and have decided to stay au naturale. To stay real. They always were “real women” – it was part of the attraction.

And – let’s be honest – I’m no spring chicken myself. More like a leathery turkey. Old age is already digging its gnarled claws into my once plump and youthful flesh. I’m getting white hair all over the place these days (but enough about my bizarre biology)... Minor cuts are taking longer to heal... I’m grinding my teeth when I sleep... I go all sentimental when I hear Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas”...

It’s surely a case of the pot calling the kettle black?

And despite the wrinkles, despite the jowls, Wendy and Lisa have still got it for me. The old (no pun intended) spark is still there. So we wouldn’t go out partying anymore – what does it matter? So Wendy wouldn’t tease my bod with her quirky guitar licks – so what? There’s nothing wrong with a nice frappuccino in a quiet, downtown coffee house. And bowls, so I’ve been led to believe, is a fabulous sport. Hell, I may even enjoy a bus tour to an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical...!

Sigh. So it’s come to this: Wendy and Lisa have mutated in my mind from teen-hood fantasy girlfriends into imaginary aunties...

*Shrugs*

But if that’s how the cookies crumble, I guess I’ve just got to embrace it and move with the times... (now where did I put my pension book?)

23 comments:

Brother Tobias said...

I missed the programme, but they still look pretty good to me. Maybe I need glasses.

An unfortunate season to be likening yourself to a turkey, Steve, so just a word of warning. Paxo. (Mistakes happen).

EmmaK said...

I'm sorry to hear this. Maybe you are having sex fantasies about these ladies and they are being marred by you wondering if they have varicose veins or are wearing Depends.

That is why it is lucky that your legion of female fans have never seen your sagging beauty. We only see your nose and glasses and imagine the hard bodied hunk behind them. Your bloggotwin Chris is already jealous at your popularity with the female sex. I can smell your pheremones from here ..
;)

Steve said...

Brother T, us oldies have to take our pleasures where we can... ;-)

Emma, that is more than likely my colostomy bag.

MOTHER OF MANY said...

Your comments today made me want to immediately delete all my online photos as Lisa is only a few months older than me!

Steve said...

Ally, you're looking a lot fresher faced I have to say (sorry Lisa) - you've obviously led a more pure and untainted lifestyle!

Can Bass 1 said...

I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea who these ladies are!

meva said...

Doesn't worry me, my sweet. As long as Johnny Depp stays delicious I'm a happy (firm but bouncy) camper.

Reluctant Blogger said...

I don't really remember Wendy and Lisa but they do look VERY 1980s in that photo!
It's funny how some people age better than others. Some of my friends look at least ten years younger than I do - well, they were friends, but obviously I don't have anything to do with them now. That would be far too galling!!
I am quite into Zoe Tapper at the moment. Do you like her? She's the main reason I look forward to my weekly installment of Survivors. I need something to keep me going now Keeley and Hermione have deserted the screen.
Oops sorry I wandered off the subject there didn't I?

Steve said...

Can Bass 1: And hopefully they have no idea who I am either...

Meva: firm and bouncy is definitely best! ;-)

Gina: I am indeed watching (and loving) Survivors. Which one is Zoe? Is she the ex-doctor that the ex-con is chasing? As for Hermione - are you referring to Spooks? I am I admit getting Keeley withdrawal symptoms but there's been a week of Nigella Christmas cookery programmes this week which has helped (but of course my gorgeous wife is the best tonic)!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Yes, Zoe is the ex-doctor. And yes, I meant Hermione Norris - I have always liked her.
I have never seen the appeal of Nigella though and I think it would be inappropriate of me to covet your gorgeous wife :0)

Steve said...

Or indeed your neighbour's ass...! ;-)

EmmaK said...

that is more than likely my colostomy bag
!!

ooh you are too modest, I bet you still have all your own teeth and hair you old bugger

Steve said...

And my prostrate is in fine working order too, young lady. Er... or is that too much information?!

Daisy said...

steve...i have often had the same thoughts (not about wendy and lisa but others)...seems people i remember have aged significantly and maybe it is my own reluctance to see the age in my own face...i do notice the changes...but i feel pretty good for the most part and don't feel that i have changed all that much...however i am sure there is someone out there who sees me and says "i remember when she..." about me...guess that is just another part of growing older (which is something i never thought i would say)...

Steve said...

You are, of course, right Daisy. I'm sure there are plenty of old school friends who would be shocked by the spreading grey in my hair but at the same time, if I'm honest, I think I'm weathering pretty well for someone who will be 40 next year. But then again I wasn't a wild, partying all night teenager, I don't smoke, don't go overboard on alcohol and eat decently.... I think I'm pretty well preserved.

The Sagittarian said...

Haha, great post as always Steve! I have to confess that I have started looking at people I know to be either around my own age or a tad older and wondering if I look that old too...dunno why I do it really, altho' the young lady who waxes my bits (too much info probably, but since you were so "sharing" I don't see the harm) told me the other day that "Its funny, you're the same age as my mother (ouch) and yet you look younger than her (ouch)." Hm. They reckon that as we age, we all get like Africa. Everyone knows ehere it is but no-one wants to go there!!

Steve said...

Hi Amanda: "They reckon that as we age, we all get like Africa." Oh dear. You mean I'm going to end up with an arse crack like Victoria Falls?! ;-)

The Sagittarian said...

Steve, let's hope not cos you know how people are always falling in there! (The falls that is, not your nether regions)

Steve said...

I've heard that some people deliberately ride the falls from inside a wooden barrel... hmm. I wonder if I can botox my buttocks?

justme said...

I don't know who they are! But I do know what you mean about getting old. I have grown to hate catching sight of myself unexpectedly in a mirror (usually while out shopping) Its ok when am prepared! Trouble is, in my head I still think I am about 30.........
Just my body not living up to that...

Steve said...

Hi Justme. I hate mirrors. They are not our friends. Instead I have a oil painting of myself that strangely never ages...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

While Wendy and Lisa don't appear to have figured on my teenage radar, I do hope fortysomething isn't 'old' Steve, even if I have a small while to go yet.

However when the time (and money) comes, I intend to have everything possible done. I believe Mother Nature can be a real bitch to even those of us who do the best that we can to look after ourselves and thus deserves no particular regard/pedestal in return. As long as we all manage to 'look' natural afterwards, why should it matter whether we're not? The person underneath is still the most important thing.

It's about confidence, not vanity you understand. :-)

I'm sure decrepitude hasn't quite caught up with you yet though Steve!

Steve said...

Hi Laura, you surprise me - for some reason I took you for a no-surgery girl! 40-something isn't old these days. I think numerically age is meaningless - it's very much how you feel inside. And I tend to veer these days between teenager and OAP!