Friday, August 21, 2009

Didn’t You Get My Message?

Read receipts.

Evidence of extreme efficiency or a level of neurosis that should be treated with industrial strength horse tranquilizers?

I only ask because I received an email this week that bullied me into sending a read receipt when I opened it, prodded me to send another receipt when I closed it and then poked me to send yet another when I deleted the damned thing.

It wasn’t even an important email. The message was totally banal.

The security of this nation did not depend on me reading this email. Neither were billions of pounds in global investments riding on its arrival in my Inbox.

Why the panic? Why would someone give a shit about me deleting it?

Did they erupt into hysterical sobs when they got that particular receipt? He... he deleted it?! He deleted it! I can’t believe it! How could he do such a thing...? Is the originator of the email going to be found hanging from a lampshade in their office, life extinguished by the plastic flex to the kettle? Is their death going to be on my hands?

I don’t want this responsibility.

I just want to receive emails and delete them without having to account for my actions. After all, once they’re in my Inbox they’re mine and I can do what I bloody well like with them. I’ll delete them, forward them, reply to them – sometimes even maliciously modify them – as and when I see fit.

Who invited the email Nazi’s to the party anyway?

I mean when you post a letter to someone you don’t ring them up and ask have you opened it yet? Do you? You don’t demand to know if they’ve binned the envelope or worse still run the letter through the shredder. Why all this panic about emails?

Plainly it is a case of some kind of inferiority / superiority complex. I send you an email and refuse to relinquish control of it. I demand to know every stage of its journey and I demand to know exactly what you do with it. Because I refuse to be ignored. You will acknowledge my email. You will acknowledge the reading and the deleting of it. You will acknowledge me, me, me and the power I have over you.

Bullshit.

The sender has requested a read receipt be sent when the message is read. Do you want to send a receipt? Yes / No.

No.

No. No. Effing no.

I think you’ll find that it is me – me, me, me – who truly has the power...


24 comments:

Tenon_Saw said...

I quite agree.

BTW Did you get this comment?

Steve said...

Tenon_Saw: I did. Did you get my reply (by pigeon post)?

Valerie said...

OMG I'd better not send you an email, it would upset me something rotten if you failed to let me know when you threw it in the trash.
Actually, I haven't come across this sort of thing... yet!

Nota Bene said...

I'd like to make a comment on this post. Can you e-mail me to confirm you would like to receive this comment

Steve said...

Valerie: I'm always very discreet with my trash bin usage...! ;-)

Nota Bene: email sent. Can you let me know when it arrives?

French Fancy said...

I've never seen a 'Notice of Deletion' message - and I'd bloody better not!

Steve said...

FF: Not from me you won't! ;-)

KayDee said...

Well someone has either got an inferiority complex or perhaps it's a superiority complex. Either way it's a bit anal isn't it?

The Dotterel said...

I want to be able to send a 'read, mark, learn and inwardly digest' receipt. Gotta love Cranmer!

Steve said...

KayDee: it's about as anal as it gets.

Dotterel: I'd just settle for a "I read this email and gave a shit" receipt. Though I daresay to receive such a thing would be a pretty rare occurrence.

Clippy Mat said...

i get requests for a receipt on
forwards which require at least sixteen clicks before you get to the actual message.
SO annoying!
;-)

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: aaargh! I'm screaming on your behalf. People like that should be blocked.

skatey katie said...

never had one that ya *have* to click the read receipt before opening the email.
delete X

skatey katie said...

yeah soz that was a bit of a boring comment. i am still lol about the loud lunch blog post... X

Steve said...

Katie: you are never boring! :-)

A Write Blog said...

Quite right too Steve.

A great big NOOOOO!

Steve said...

AWB: in triplicate please.

A Write Blog said...

OK, Steve;

NOOOOO, NOOOOO and NOOOOO again.

Will that do?

Steve said...

AWB: ...and I'd like an official copy of my complaint lodged with 10 Downing Street please... ;-)

The Sagittarian said...

Good grief! Haven't come across the dlete receipt bit before, I like to click the no option anyway becasue I'm certain it must annoy the sender!

A Write Blog said...

You seriously think Gordon Brown is capable of dealing with it?

Steve said...

Amanda: annoying the sender is ample justification for anything in my book!

AWB: good point. I'd be better off sending it to Bubbles the monkey.

Suburbia said...

Love your power trip!!

Steve said...

Suburbia: I am an e-Sith Lord.