Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Littlest Shoplifter

I’d like to make it clear that, as a rule, we do not hold the Artful Dodger or Fagin in high regard in my house. We do not concur with the ethos that you “have to pick a pocket or two” to make it in this world and, with this is mind, we do our best, Karen and me, to instill good manners, the twin virtues of honesty and integrity and an all encompassing high moral outlook into our children so that they may one day bloom into fine, upstanding citizens of the future global community.

So it was a shock to find out that one of them is, by nature, a shoplifter.

We’d nipped into town on Saturday afternoon to run a few boring errands. These lasted a mere hour but seemed interminably forever to Ben and Tom so on the way back to the car we elected to nip into a neat little newsagent en route to purchase some sweetie treats for us all.

Tom was completely ensconced in his pushchair by this point, with the clear plastic rain cover fastened down tight over him to protect him from the lashings of a particularly vicious rain shower.

We were no more than 2 minutes in the shop. Just enough time for me to buy four packets of Cadbury’s Giant Chocolate Buttons (I heartily recommend them for a mid afternoon snack) and clear the moths out of my wallet to pay for them.

We then headed back to the car with our well-gotten gains...

...only to find when we extricated Tom from his little plastic bubble that the little monkey had somehow unfastened one side of the cover and had managed to half-inch a huge birthday badge from the newsagent without either them or us noticing. He’d also managed to remove it from its cardboard packaging and undo the safety pin at the back.

The badge – an ironic comment I’m sure on his father’s approaching 40th birthday in 2 week’s time – read in large bold letters: HAPPY 80th!

We weren’t sure whether to laugh or... well, not cry exactly, but at the very least give Tom the “angry face”. As it was we really didn’t have the heart to do the latter. He looked far too cute and innocent to be flogged for the sake of a £1.39 badge.

And I’m afraid we also failed in our civic duty to return the badge to the premises from which it was so illegally wrested and restore our previously unblemished characters. We were too knackered and far too wet and just wanted to return home as quickly as possible.

So Tom got his chocolate without a frown and the badge was shoved into a drawer that has now been enshrined as “Tom’s First Haul”.

Next week we’re taking him to the bank to see how he gets on with the ATM’s and possibly visiting a high class jeweller afterwards.

All being well when I next blog to you all I shall be doing so from a plush apartment in St Moritz.

After all...

Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to pick-a-pocket or two...


I love a good musical, me.


21 comments:

Rol said...

Maybe he's making some ironic comment on feeling old before his time.

I know just how he feels.

Andrew Glazebrook said...

A Tea Leaf in the family eh, what next, a truck laden with gold bullion ?! If so count me in !!

Steve said...

Rol: That worries me - he's running around in a dirty nappy at the moment...

Andrew: you'll 'ave to earn your share, mate. 'ow are you at driving a car at speed and avoiding police blockades?

Clippy Mat said...

is this how ronnie biggs started tho'? haha
great post :-)

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: I'm not sure... all I know is Tom never liked the bars of his playpen...! ;-)

Suburbia said...

Ha! Start 'em young!

The Sagittarian said...

Oh a Junior Tea Leaf, how wonderful! I don't think you send your convicts down this way anymore tho' so you had perhaps sort something more legal for the long term!

Steve said...

Suburbia: he's showing a worrying leaning towards this vocation at a mere 21 months of age!

Amanda: And a good job too! Not that I'm averse to visiting down under but Tom is way too cute to travel by prison boat.

A Write Blog said...

The worst is when you do it yourself without realising.

I've got out into a supermarket carpark with something hanging from the little hanger they have on trollies having forgotten that it was there at the check out.

I then go through a debate in my mind. Embarass myself and go back to pay. Or skulk off with my ill-gotten gains.

I regret to say it is the latter. I've done it just a couple of times.

Steve said...

AWB: I think we've all done that on occasion! I think we "get away with it" because our faces are genuinely innocent. I'm sure people look far more suspicious when they are really up to no good. I can recall once being undercharged for some CD's in a music shop - so much so I was effectively getting one for free. I didn't twig this until I was out of the shop. I decided to do the right thing and go back and inform the sales assitant. She looked at me like I was mad and told me to forget about it...! All I could do was shrug, thank her for the freebie and head home undecided as to whether the event had been a good thing morally or a bad thing.

Owen said...

Steve, I think he has inherited your pirate genes ! Perhaps you just have a young genius on your hands ? He's already planning ahead for your 80th birthday... not that is what I call forward thinking. Keep an eye on him, he'll be crawling in your neighbor's kitty door soon...

Nota Bene said...

First a badge, next a Great Train Robber..the path of inevitability

Steve said...

Owen: let's hope somebody rich and careless moves in next door (preferably without a dog)!

Nota Bene: let's just hope it's paved with gold! ;-)

KayDee said...

~~All being well when I next blog to you all I shall be doing so from a plush apartment in St Moritz.~~.......


.....or from a prison cell for aiding and abetting....lol.


Bless his little heart. I think that's adorable and quite ingenius that he managed to get his little hand out of the plastic bubble and swipe something without any of the big people noticing.

Steve said...

KayDee: or from a prison cell for aiding and abetting... damn. I never thought of that. I refuse to be sent down for the little blighter... it was him, gov'nor, it was him! I'm completely innocent and was totally ignorant of all his wrong doing!

KAZ said...

80?
He obviously wishes you a double helping of Happy Birthday.
Bless.

Steve said...

Kaz: bless you too - I never thought of it that. :-)

mrsnesbitt said...

My first visit here via Suburbia. Brought a smile to my face. Remember taking border collie to pet shop....as I left the shop looked down and she had 6 bonios sticking out of her mouth! All perfectly positioned to maximise the experience! I quickened my pace! lol!

Steve said...

MrsNesbitt: good to see you here. I'm looking forward to the day I can take Tom ramraiding in his pushchair...! ;-)

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Perhaps he's trying to tell you he's an old soul : - )

Quite funny he nicked something of no conceivable use to him rather than sweeties though.

Steve said...

Laura: yes, which mediates the theft somewhat... it was just a pretty bauble, your honour, taken not for its resale value or for monetary gain but because it was bright yellow with red lettering and looked vaguely like a big lollipop.

Case dismissed.