Monday, March 14, 2011

Boycott Stupid Blogs

Most of us accept spam now like we do litter on the street. We don’t like it. We wish it wasn’t there. We wish we knew who the people were who scatter it all around so we could rip off their heads and piss down their necks (or is that just me?) – but by and large we put up with it. We grit our teeth and accept that it is the natural consequence of sharing the world with inconsiderate, lazy, self serving idiots.

We get used to it. The offers of cheap Viagra. The invitations to join casino syndicates. Those “hello darlink, I want to be your love-woman from the Ukraine” emails from people who speak to us with an intimacy lifted straight out of a 1970’s top shelf magazine.

I turn a blind eye. I hit delete. I wash & go.

But occasionally, just occasionally, one gets my goat (or gets right up my goat if you’re of an Australian persuasion). I bet as soon as I type the title of this insidious piece of blogging spam at least 50% of you are going to put your hand up and say, “Ooh, I’ve had one of those too”. The other 50% of you will put your hand up and ask to go to the toilet. Well tough. You should have gone before you came in here, shouldn’t you?

Boycott American Women.

Or as the perpetrator writes it: BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN. ‘Cos those capitals make all the difference, don’t they? You wouldn’t notice it otherwise. The entire message would get lost in the mindless, knee-jerk invective that swirls around this piece of blogging spam like a particularly nasty huey in a centrifuge.

I’ve lost count now of how many times I’ve had this “comment” suddenly leap out of nowhere at me for moderation. Plainly a cut and paste job, it doesn’t change at all.

But bizarrely it does actually link back to a bona fide blog / web site. It is not some yank-phobic computer trying to sell me Viagra. Behind this one-track publicity campaign is a real person. A real person who not only is vociferously swearing off American women himself but feels so passionate about the ill-health effects of dating American women that he wants us all to swear off them too.

Why should we boycott American women? Well, visit this guy’s web site and allow him to count the ways. No, I am not going to link to it – a basic Google search will no doubt encourage this particular floater to rise to the top of the toilet – and I suspect I am merely asking for trouble just by giving this dope free publicity by writing about it on my blog.

I just want him to stop proselytizing his [frankly] bigoted, sexist, chauvinistic, primitive creed on my blog. Not that he reads my blog, you understand, he just sees it as a gratis advertising platform for his own ego-rotting vendetta against the female members of his own community. And I object to that. To be honest, I’d much rather collude in the selling of fake Viagra or Russian mail order brides than participate is this guy’s “I’ve got a really small dick” smokescreen. And no that isn’t an invitation to the Viagra companies and the Kremlin to get me to play business footsie with them under the table.

Now, as it is, I have never dated an American woman and am not ever likely too (when I was in the market for Cheryl Ladd I was only 10 years old and now that I’m old enough I suspect she is too old to care for the idea). I am a happily married man. But every time I get one of Mr Boycott’s missives (is his first name Geoff? I’d love it if it was) I feel an almost overwhelming desire to go out and speed date Sigourney Weaver, Natalie Portman and Heather Graham all in one night. Just to be bloody perverse.

‘Cos this guy’s campaign is just not working. It is risible. It is sad. It speaks volumes about this guy’s inevitable loss of esteem, secret low self worth and perhaps a doomed date with a busty Valley Girl who took one look at this guy’s shrivelled Empire State Building and laughed so hard her retainer shot out of her mouth and performed an impromptu vasectomy.

This to me is the only explanation for this guy’s bizarre standpoint. Given enough time and money I could probably prove it empirically.

So to be short, my plan is to boycott Boycott American Women. And I’d like to invite you all to do the same. Not by infecting your blog with my manifesto but by using my own blog to exercise my own freedom of speech. Just as this guy is entitled to do on his own blog. Because, at the end of the day, he can write what the hell he likes on his blog. I just don’t want it on mine. I don’t want it foisted on me to the point where I have to take action to remove it again and again and again.

And to all you American women out there... I’m sure it would have worked. The sex would have been great (once I’d got you properly trained), the good times they would have rolled and we would have made beautiful non-Justin Bieber-music together... but the fact is, I’m married.

This isn’t a boycott. I’m just honouring the precepts of true love.

And as for reasons not to date American women go, that’s possibly the best reason there is.




Share

45 comments:

TheUndertaker said...

well, "Off with his head, then!!!!"
Haven't I seen a comment made by him on your blog before?
Anyway, the american women have nothing on the brits, right...? Right... ; )

Steve said...

TheUndetaker: how can I possibly answer that without landing myself in a whole heap of shit? Er. All women are lovely. Oh. And intelligent too. And just as good as men. Er. In fact, better sometimes. Er. I wish I was a woman.

Will that do? ;-)

London City Mum said...

Sounds like you have yourself the equivalent of my (now no longer visible) Chinese spammer who posted weird and wonderful - and totally meaningless - comments on my blog before I moved to the Intense Debate format.

Maybe we should introduce them? Now there's an idea...

LCM x

Steve said...

LCM: a Chinese spammer? male or female? Oh what does it matter? My guy only hates American women. Beggars can't be choosers.

Nota Bene said...

Sadly there seems to be an American women's blog called Boycott Nota Bene. Which seems completely unfair and unreasonable to me given I'm such a catch.

Steve said...

Nota Bene: sorry. I was going to delete that but 150 comments a week is hard to walk away from.

Rol said...

Boycott Audi drivers!

Boycott X-Factor!

Boycott Tom Hanks movies!

Boycott people who talk at the cinema!

Boycott Alabaster Cuttlefish!

Boycott Nicolas Cage's fat face!

Boycott 40+ men from Leamington Spa!

Boycott agents who won't read my novel!

Boycott Angelina Jolie's elbow!

Boycott Yorkshire cricketers called Geoff!

Read more at my website.

Suzanne said...

So annoying.
Thought he might have disappeared by now but clearly NOT!

Steve said...

Rol: "Boycott 40+ men from Leamington Spa!" Eh?!! My only disappointment is the fact that came so far down on your list. Plainly I am not making enough of an impression.

Suzanne: oh he's still around alright. Had two attempts from him over the weekend.

Modern Military Mother said...

I had no idea! But I am amused by the 'once I have got you trained'. I feel the same. I am a trainer not a trainee.

The Dotterel said...

Nah, he'll not be a 'Geoff'. 'Jeff' maybe, but not your authentic, dyed-in-the-wool opening batsman and bigot, Geoffrey B... surely?

Steve said...

MMM: only way to be. ;-)

The Dotterel: he he he! funnily enough my boss is a Jeff...

EmmaK said...

I just went to that 'Boycott American women' blog - which is quite hilarious (unintentionally). Two things are very clear: the blogger is hideous being that there are no photos of himself. The other is no American woman would date him so he had to travel to Asia where no doubt no asian woman would date him and possibly he there procured himself a mail order bride - who I hope takes him to the cleaners and runs off with all his money!

Steve said...

Emma: I hope he gets the clap, gets taken to the cleaners, arrested for sex trafficking and ends up sharing a friend with either Gary Glitter of Prince Andrew's American chum. Well, that's my balanced response anyway.

Wanderlust said...

I'm not sure which made me laugh more, your post or the comments on it. You know, he has spammed my blog too. I think I dated him in high school. Once.

Steve said...

Wanderlust: I'm sure once was enough. ;-)

joebloggs said...

You know my feelings on American women...see earlier comments. I am something of an expert seeing as I have "dated" 2, yes... count them TWO! Pam from Texas & another girl whose name I forget, but she was from Aspen and yes she did "ski"... like a good 'en.

TheUndertaker said...

Steveo, it was a rhetorical question, really, didn't mean to get you in trouble. I was more thinking 'plastic fantastic, perfect teeth' versus, say.. Coro street? Or is that pushing it, perhaps.
You'd never last as a woman ; )

Gorilla Bananas said...

I only got one comment from him. I wonder why he keeps picking on you? He must think you're the kind of subservient male an American women would pussy-whip for breakfast.

the fly in the web said...

You should encourage him in his campaign. If Americans stopped breeding then in a relatively short period of time there wouldn't be any so they couldn't vote dangerous cretins into power.

Steve said...

JoeBloggs: if you've had a Texan then apparently you've had a "real" American woman. Her surname wasn't Anderson, was it?

The Undertaker: you're right. And I'd never last in Corrie either.

Gorilla Bananas: I'd quite happily allow an American woman to pussy-whip me for breakfast. Especially if the only other choice was a Müller Crunch Corner.

The fly in the web: true. Then we could try the same campaign on the English, the French, the Koreans... etc, etc. You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

Being Me said...

Geoff Boycott sure has been busy. He's even visited me once or twice. What a lunatic.

Steve said...

Being Me: he likes throwing googlies does our Geoff. Best to keep him at arm's length and as far from your crease as possible.

Marginalia said...

I think he's quite cute. Certainly he's smart since he doesn't take any comments. You'd be blasting away all night.

In the Universe that is the bloggoverse he is a neutron star, spinning his own sweet nonsense, and occasionally zapping across our line of sight.

You can, of course, simply block him. But then why bother? Is he that disturbing?

Steve said...

Marginalia: neutron star? Be honest. You were watching Professor Brian Cox last night, weren't you? I see Mr Boycott more as a fading red giant, myself. I'm looking forward to the supernova.

Kelloggsville said...

Either my spam filtering software is very very good or I am completely an amoeba in the pool of web life because I don't get any of that stuff...can I go to the toilet now please?! (ps please don't register my email address with our American women hating American in order that I too can enjoy..I think I'm happy with just trying to imagine the turmoil and suffering!)

Alienne said...

I have seen his comment on a couple of blogs, and I just thought what a twat. But you have comment moderation enabled so you can just delete him.

I like Rol's list - I'd second 1 - 4 and 6!

Steve said...

Kelloggsville: or you're too high up the food chain for this guy to dare risk upsetting you.

Alienne: glad you don't concur with number 7!

Phil said...

So, Stephen...are we feeling better now?


I'll send you some more sherbert sweeties in the morning.


Now go and suckle some more on your thumby poohs.


Kay?

Steve said...

Phil: I find the fact you have rendered the intense intellectual debate on this blog to the level of mere playground politics most reprehensible.

P.S. Still waiting for my sherbert sweeties. Where are they?

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

Geoff!!!

I've only just got that.

Steve said...

Trish: it's the way I tell 'em...

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

Steve, have you fought fire with fire, go and spam his. Boycott tin can stealers in Leamington Spa or something equally inane - do it thrice daily he'll soon get the message.

Steve said...

Very Bored in Catalunya: talking of tins... Mr Boycott has been a real canny bugger and seems to have disabled comments on his own blog. Plainly he dislikes spam as much as I do... tinned or otherwise.

Wylye Girl said...

Oh yes, I got a comment from him. I have to say, he's outdone me on the 'only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about' stakes, the bastard. If you Google him you get pages of references to his blog. I personally don't fancy American women myself so his comment was slightly lost on me but then I don't fancy English ones either, being a bit more of a 'guy' sort of girl.

Boycott Audi Drivers? The mere thought.....

Who's that

Mark said...

I used to laugh at that comment when it appeared on your blog - your latest riposte was especially good I thought.

But no great loss really. Like Geoff Boycott, sad and irrelevant now.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I've had some odd comments lately which turn out to be advertising bumpf. Have deleted as soon as I realised.

Livi said...

*standing O* (you can take that "o" however you like!)
I don't even understand why they do it, how much traffic can they possibly get from spam comments? Does anyone publish them? It's insanity!

Steve said...

Wylye Girl: I guess American women are genuinely not to everyone's taste. Personally I don't share your taste for the guys. The point is though, neither of us are forcing our views on other people. That's because you and me are intelligent. And Mr Boycott isn't.

Mark: the first time he appeared I found it amusing. But the same comment has tried to elbow itself onto my blog 10 or 11 times and my amusement has evaporated.

Laura: blogging spam is getting worse. I've noticed a definite increase in the last few months. It's very sad.

Livi: I still don't understand how it works. What gets me are the spammers who don't even link to anything. It's just mindless burble. How the hell does that work?

The Sagittarian said...

Been trying to boycott earthquakes down here but seems equally pointless!

Steve said...

Amanda: I've been boycotting them here for years with some success. Would you like me to move my base of operations to NZ?

This Mid 30s Life said...

I've had to block this guy so I'm happy to see he bothers others too - well not happy you have been bothered... you know what I mean.

What a dickhead.

Steve said...

This Mid 30s Life: he's certainly been putting it about... and not in a good way.

bigwords is... said...

"once I'd got you properly trained".... ha ha ha ha ha HIlarious!!!

Steve said...

Bigwords is: it wasn't a joke. I meant it. Seriously.

;-)