Wednesday, March 23, 2011

With Apologies To Harrison Ford

First off can I just say that I have nothing against Harrison Ford. Or indeed The Dandy Warhols. Nor can I explain how the two have become inexplicably linked in my mind.

Harrison Ford was Han Solo for God’s sake. And Indiana Jones. The man is a legend. And is married to Calista Flockhart. Which may explain his long and legendary interest in all things wooden. And as for the Dandy’s... well, all I know of them is their song Bohemian Like You. But believe me, that’s been enough.

Because for some unearthly reason whenever I hear it I find myself composing alternative lyrics about Harrison Ford’s interest in carpentry. It kind of happens organically. I don’t know why. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist?

Here then are, firstly, the original lyrics to The Dandy Warhols’ “Bohemian Like You’. And then secondly, my version that pays homage to Harrison Ford, actor, lumberjack and all round wood turner.

Bohemian Like You

You got a great car.
Yeah, what's wrong with it today?
I used to have one too,
Maybe I'll come and have a look.
I really love your hairdo, yeah.
I'm glad you like mine too,
See we're looking pretty cool.
Getcha!

So what do you do?
Oh yeah, I wait tables too.
No I haven't heard your band
Cause you guys are pretty new.
But if you dig on Vegan food.
Well come over to my work
I'll have them cook you something that you'll really love.

Cause I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I'm feeling so Bohemian like you,
Yeah I like you,
Yeah I like you,
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!

Wait. Who's that guy just hanging at your pad?
He's lookin' kinda bummed.
Yeah you broke up that's too bad.
I guess it's fair if he always pays the rent
And he doesn't get all bent
About sleepin' on the couch when I'm there.

Cause I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I'm feeling so Bohemian like you.
Yeah I like you.
Yeah I like you
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!

I'm getting wise
And I feel so bohemian like you.
It's you that I want so please,
Just a casual, casual easy thing.
Is it? It is for me

And I like you
Yeah I like you
And I like you, I like you, I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!

Harrison Ford’s Carpentry Like You

You got a great lathe.
It's not turning right today?
I used to have one too,
Maybe I'll come and have a look.
I really love your chainsaw, yeah.
I'm glad you like mine too,
See we're looking pretty cool.
Lumber!

So what do you do?
Oh yeah, I make tables too.
Though people say I'm bland
I do some acting too.
But if you're big on power tools
Well come over to my shed
And I'll let you play with a tool that you'll really love.

Cause I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I'm into carpentry just like you,
Yeah I like you,
Yeah I like you,
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!

Wait. What’s that mess just collapsed round at your pad?
You bought it from IKEA.
And it broke up that's too bad.
Well never fear I'll just grab my wrench
Smash up that old bench
And I'll make you a new couch while I'm there.

Cause I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I'm into carpentry just like you,
Yeah I like you,
Yeah I like you,
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!

I'm getting high
On polyvinyl acetate just like you.
It's your wood that I want so please,
Let's make a casual easy chair
with swivel legs just for me

And I like you
Yeah I like you
And I like you, I like you, I like you,
Yeah I like you.
And I feel wahoo, wahoo, wahoo!



And here’s a link to the original song on YouTube for those of you that want to sing-a-long: Bohemian Like You.

Abnormal service will be resumed shortly.



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26 comments:

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

Steve, whatever your current line of work is in LS is an obvious waste of your talent.

Although damn you because I will now be humming that bloody tune in my head for the rest of the day.

French Fancy... said...

That is just so funny - and you featured one of my favourite songs as well (the original version not the Ford one!). Cheeky little vid, isn't it.

Suzanne said...

I have that song on my playlist - what have you done?
Seriously messing with my mojo ;)

Steve said...

Very Bored in Catalunya: I'm seriously hoping that my version goes viral.

FF: it is. In my version I would love to have Harrison Ford, naturally... maybe some film buff out there could YouTube me something up?

Suzanne: mojo? Oh behave!

Owen said...

Steve,
I'm afraid you are in serious trouble. You may need some pruning. Can recommend a good tree surgeon if you need one.

Guess you know all about "wood" men in the porn industry.
:-)

Steve said...

Owen: I see that stories of my mighty oak girth proceed me...

Gorilla Bananas said...

So Calista Flockhart makes you woody, does she? A real man would worry about breaking her joints.

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: Calista Flockhart doesn't make me woody at all. I am not a fan of broomsticks. Give me a nice sturdy matress of a woman any day.

Nana Go-Go said...

`Sturdy mattress of a woman` - heavens above, this blog is sinking deeper and deeper into the realms of Playboys United!May the G-strings be with you.

Steve said...

Nana Go-Go: having those pull-out cupboards would be nice too. And a decent headboard that I can hold onto.

Phil said...

Classic case of PVA glue snorting dependency here Stevie Weavie.

What do you think killed off all the joiners, French polishers and cabinet makers over the last two decades? - polyvinyl acetate whiffing, that’s what.

Turned them all into a pile of planks. Not so much driftwood as deadwood.

And who do you think introduced PVA glue to the market? – Yep…IKEA that’s who.

It was all a big corporate ruse from the outset. Brain fry all the chippy’s and then flood the market with cheap and cheerful flat pack crap from ‘Sveeeden’.

I mean this really rubs against the grain bloke, scraping the shavings up off the floor here aren’t we, especially as I’m such a fan of the DW’s too.

You need to ply yourself off it and put a dowel in it Steve – preferably one in each nostril.

Then pour yourself a nice big shot of white spirit and soda – and to hell with cleaning the new brushes.

“Wahoo, Wahoo…” (?!!) I mean jeeeezzus fella, how high an how long you bin flyin ??

Steve said...

Phil: that IKEA glue really hits the G-Spot in my brain, man...! As for Mr Ford... whenever I see him interviewed I'm always minded of that classic line in Star Wars where he shoots out the intercom panel in the Death Star and mutters, "it was a boring conversation anyway..." He must have a lot of shot out intercom panels littered around his home is all I can say.

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

A song about carpentry?! It is rather excellent but I do believe you are seriously deranged. You need to lie down, though preferably not on a mattress woman.

Steve said...

Trish: no, a matress woman is exactly what my doctor ordered. It's a great clinic I go to; very accommodating.

London City Mum said...

Hmmm. You really have far too much time on your hands Steve.

I could do with more talent on my team.

LCM x

lunarossa said...

I disagree with Trish, I think you are a genious! And if you manage to get the good Harrison in your video, don't forget to let me know. I've always loved the great Han/Indiana! Ciao. A.

Steve said...

LCM: feel free to head hunt me at your earliest convenience.

Lunarossa: something tells me the great Mr Ford will be less than amenable to the idea...

Simpsonslover said...

The second last stanza was too much for me. My dogs are looking at me strangely because I made a wheezing noise (fighting a cold and I'm a tad asthmatic at the best of times).

That was very amusing. Great way to start this long working day! Thanks Stevo!! *still laughing*

Löst Jimmy said...

Oh goodie I've got a woodie

Steve said...

Simponslover: ;-) Thank you. It's probably my finest work though I'm a little disappointed that the tabloids haven't picked up on it this morning. Apparently the stuff in the Middle East is way more important...?

Löst Jimmy: has it got a hoodie?

Rol said...

Are you having some kind of breakdown?

I mean, it's perfectly OK if you are. Quite understandable. I just think it'd help us to know.

Steve said...

Rol: could you recommend someone I could talk to? I mean in a professional capacity?

Livi said...

That damn song is stuck in my head now!
And I vote for a music video of you singing your lyrics!

Steve said...

Livi: I'm not sure the world is ready for that kind of video nasty...!

bigwords is... said...

OMG you really have a brain busily living in an alternate universe. It is clearly a little crazy and brilliant!!

Steve said...

Bigwords is: I think I need to take more drugs. Or less. One of the two.