Friday, July 08, 2011

Sexsomnia

It doesn’t even look like a real word, does it? It looks like the title to another duff, soppy-voiced, “soul” record by Peter Andre.

But no. It’s real alright. It’s a recognized condition whereby the sufferer can’t help but have sex with whoever he/she is sharing a bed with in his/her sleep. He/She doesn’t wake up at all. He/She has sex, can’t fall asleep afterwards because he/she is already asleep and then remembers nothing about it in the morning.

I could make jokes about the whole premise. Crack a few gags.

But it’s not funny.

Because a 16 year old girl brought a rape case to court this week and lost because the defendant claimed he was suffering from sexsomnia and various medical experts backed him up.

His ex-partner and his current wife also confirmed that [let’s call him] Mr Z regularly groped them in his sleep and had had sex with them but had no memory of it the next day.

Now, I’m trying not to pass judgement here because I don’t know enough about the case or the condition but... and it’s a but that won’t go away... various facts about the case make me feel uncomfortable and, dare I say it, suspicious?

This 16 year old college girl was spending the night at the defendant’s house. It was hot so in the early hours of the morning she went to sleep on the defendant’s bed – with him still in it and already asleep (according to him) – because it was cooler.

The girl then awoke later to find the defendant having sex with her. The next day he sent her a text asking her if she was OK and enquiring if anything had happened?

See, all that does not add up to me.

Where was the defendant’s wife? She cannot have been at home if the girl was able to sleep on the defendant’s bed with him in it. If the wife wasn’t at home why the hell did the defendant allow a 16 year old girl to stay the night on her own knowing that he suffers from this condition?

What 16 year old would take it upon herself to share a bed with a grown man no matter how hot it is? I’m not blaming the girl here, but - and I’m wary of making an accusation – wouldn’t she have needed some coercion? Wouldn’t the suggestion have had to have been put into her mind by someone else? Certainly not naming Mr Z here. *cough cough*

Mr Z clearly suspected something had happened because he sent her a text the next day asking the girl if she was OK.

No. she’s not OK. She’s been raped but this appears to be a crime with a victim but no assailant.

This cannot be right, surely?

To my mind, I can just about buy the idea of sexsomnia. Some geek in a white coat has staked his reputation on it so it must be real.

My problem is Mr Z knows he has the condition. He knows he is a danger to people sleeping in his house and sleeping in close proximity to him. He allowed this girl to share his house and share his bed – no matter what innocent reasons lie behind this. He knew he was a danger to others and allowed the assault to happen.

Sorry, Mr Z, but in the kangaroo court of my mind, you are guilty. Because the full weight of responsibility for managing your condition was yours.

I rest my case.




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28 comments:

Nota Bene said...

Seems most peculiar to me...when I see cases like this, I always assume there's a large part of the story that's not being told, otherwise the verdict makes no sense

Readily A Parent said...

Wow. Just wow.
Yeah, I don't get it.
I don't know enough about the condition....but regardless he should be found guilty of a lesser charge such as corruption of a minor.
It's like people getting away with murder because they were drunk or high at the time. Your choice to et drunk or high, accept the consequences...

Steve said...

Nota Bene: I think that's my problem with it. Something has been left out; something isn't right. Was it left out of the court evidence or left out of the news reportage? I hope only the latter.

Readily A Parent: exactly. Except responsibility. I think that's why I'm appalled by the verdict. The guy involved is not taking responsibility for his condition. That, to me, is criminal negligence.

The Dotterel said...

Blogging's gain is the Old Bailey's loss Mr B...

Ever fancy yourself in silk?

Steve said...

The Dotterel: I think I'd find the use of legal language far too dry for my tastes... though I wouldn't say no to the salary.

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

It's a very strange decision from the courts, as you say - what was a 16 year old girl doing there in the first place, and if you know that there is even a slight chance of that girl being in danger, then you have ignored a moral obligation .

Steve said...

Very Bored in Catalunya: the whole thing is very bizarre and I would have suspected it as being a joke had my local newspaper not picked up on it. They're not known for their sense of humour and a penchant for gags...

Gorilla Bananas said...

But wouldn't she have been safe if she'd stayed in her own bed? I suppose he should have warned her not to jump into bed with him, but that's not an easy thing for a man to say to a girl without sounding like a conceited ass.

Kelloggsville said...

Was she also asleep when it happened? I guess she must have been otherwise she would have got up and left? Or does he actually restrain people in their sleep? It all smells more fishy than a fish monger on a fishing trip during Grimsby's fish convention week.

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: better a conceited ass than a rapist.

Kelloggsville: I'm guessing she was imbobilized by Mr Z when the attack took place. And you're right; the whole thing is fishier than Rick Stein's dustbin.

libby said...

I cannot read these tales (or most newspapers) because I never believe anything that is written and assume everybody is lying or the whole story is not revealed or whatever.....cynical? moi? you betcha.....

Steve said...

Libby: just wait for the phone tapping allegations to start...

the fly in the web said...

I wonder if 'The Magistrate'...law west of Ealing Broadway...will post on this?

The more I think about it the more bizarre it becomes...but there is the weird thing that in law you have to have the intent to do whatever anti social thing you're accused of having done and i suppose that if he was in the grip of some mania he didn't (necessarily) have intent.

But it's still weird.

Livi said...

I'm with you. Why was she staying at his house in the first place?
There's surely a lot of other factors that have added up to this rape, and he is the adult, he knew about his problems, it's all just wrong.

Steve said...

The fly in the web: for me his culpability lies not in his intent but in the lack of resonsibility he took for the 16 year old in "his care" and for his own condition.

Livi: that sums it up nicely - he was the adult! He was and is responsible!

Suburbia said...

It really exists? Wow! Hard to take it seriously though!

Steve said...

Suburbia: I think it depends where you're sleeping...

Being Me said...

So they were the only two in the house? What 16yr-old needs to be alone in a grown man's home? I'd like to assume (and one should never do that but here I go!) that she trusts him, that her family trusts him. That something like this would "never" happen. In which case, as you and many of your commenters have already said, he ought to be warning people of his affliction. The conditions were apparently (obviously) ripe for him to have... an attack? And he being the only one of the two of them who knew about it should have said something.

Does he sleepwalk as well, I wonder? Was she even going to be safe in her bed?

I don't like it. The thing I don't like most of all is that this girl gets no sense of justice because some guy has been irresponsible, regardless of the involuntary nature of it - has he even apologised??? (such cold comfort in comparison to the crime)

Tenon_Saw said...

I'm with the Dotterel.

Löst Jimmy said...

A truly strange thing indeed. And might I add a miscarriage of justice on the face of things.

I was going to make light of the fact that there are somina's for everything nowadays but on account of a young lassie victim being subject of the post I refrain on this occasion.

Steve said...

Being Me: my thoughts exactly. But were these questions voiced at the trial? The news reportage was so scanty - which is also odd given the "sensational" nature of the case. The whole thing stinks.

Tenon_Saw: I'll see you at the bar.

Löst Jimmy: I know what you mean - the condition seems a bit of a joke until you take into account the victim and the potential for more.

The Sagittarian said...

I've heard of that "condition" - al a bit too convenient for my taste...poor kid.

Steve said...

Amanda: all too convenient. I wonder if it's something that only men can suffer from... I've never heard of any female sufferers. Hmm...

Bish Bosh Bash said...

Sexsomnia eh? I’ll have to write that one down so I don’t forget it. Sounds like a good plan. Where can I get infected? Do you have to subject yourself to hundreds of rigorous tests with various volunteer nurses to ensure complete authenticity, at a registered Sexomnia clinic then? Do you get a special ‘Sexomniac’ ID card to accompany you wherever you go, just in case you fall fast asleep next to someone on say, a train, or a beach, or in a cinema, at your desk at work, or even as a bored guest at a W.I. meeting?!! Imagine the possibilities! Jeeeeeze..the mind boggles.

Is ‘Sexsomnia’ a designer condition? I mean, are the really good Sexomniacs able to be fully ‘selective’ with who they choose to practice Sexsomnia with? Or do they just fall asleep, roll over and shag anything that’s got a pulse? (!)

I’ll try to refrain from mentioning that the lass involved was clearly very polite and patient to have waited till after he text’d her to ask how she was, before contacting the authorities.

I seriously think I might be developing a similar condition called ‘Murdersomnia’, and mine is definitely selective. No doubt about that.

Funny, but one of my neighbours at the end of my road has been profiting from ‘Burglarsomnia’ most of his life poor bloke. We’re all quite used to him breaking in through the patio door each week, snoring his head off while he bundles all our useful kit into his swag bag. We just take it in turns to get up and lead him off back home again nowadays.

Poor old git.

Steve said...

Bish Bosh Bash: I think nurses have that effect on every red blooded male - you don't need a spurious sexually-motivated disease to want them to give your thermometer a good shake. As for being selective... I don't think that's an option. Put it this way: I wouldn't be going to sleep on park benches if I had the condition. Waking up with fleas and meth-breath would not be indicative of a good night of hot loving...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I agree Steve. I thought it was a most peculiar case for all the reasons you state, though you have even thought of some extra ones.

And what was a 16 year old girl doing staying over at his house in the first place? That bit was never explained either. Was she some random girl off the street/babysitter/what?

Steve said...

Laura: the whole thing stinks which makes me think it was either a gross miscarriage of justice of just grossly misreported in the press (they plainly listened in on the wrong phone message).

Sexsomnia Parasomnia said...

Thank you for posting information about sexsomnia. Sexsomnia aka sleepsex is a parasomnia that causes a person to engage in sexual relations while asleep with no memory of the event. It is a truly frightening condition. Imagine having sex without remembering it or knowing with whom you had intimate relations. Very scary indeed.

I was diagnosed with severe sexsomnia in 2006. I had a very hard time accepting my condition and sexsomnia completely devastated me. Causing me to question my every move and fear going to sleep at night. Through much research, counseling, and psychotherapy I have learned how to address my sexsomnia in a positive, healthy, and constructive manner.

Sexsomnia is like cancer. One does not choose sexsomnia anymore than a person chooses cancer. Like a cancer survivor, a sexsomniac can only hope and work towards a state of remission at best. Fortunately, through much discipline and proper implementation of what I have learned, my sexsomnia is largely in such a state.

I recently launched a site, http://sexsomniacsjourney.com/about/ , dedicated to sexsomniacs, those who love us, and the curious to meet in a safe, respectful, understanding, accepting, friendly and compassionate environment to share our experiences with one another on our path to understanding and healing. I encourage everyone to join us to be part of a close community that strives to be well.

Again, I greatly appreciate you writing this article. If you or anyone else would like to assist me to increase Sexsomnia Awareness please contact me at info@sexsomniacsjourney.com Thank you.

If I may be of any assistance please let me know. Thank you.

Take care and be well.