Saturday, July 28, 2012

I’m Going To Blow Up The Olympics

Paul ChambersSo Paul Chambers, the man who sparked a full-on security alert at Robin Hood airport (near Doncaster) when he Tweeted “Crap! Robin Hood airport is closed. You've got a week and a bit to get your shit together, otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!!” back in 2010 when the airport was temporarily shut during heavy snow has finally won his appeal against his conviction for “sending a menacing electronic communication” at the High Court in London.

I’m pleased for him in a kind of passive, passing, glad-somebody-finally-saw-sense kind of way. Mainly though I just feel hugely disgruntled at the amount of tax payer’s money that has been wasted bringing this case to trial, bringing it to appeal at a Crown Court only for that appeal to be initially quashed and then being brought to the High Court where it was eventually brought before someone with a brain cell who could finally see it for the ridiculously petty pile of shit that it actually was.

Apparently his initial appeal at the Crown Court was overturned because the judge said the Tweet was “clearly menacing”.

Clearly menacing? I’ve received begging letters from the RSPCA that were more menacing than that.

It is surely plain to everyone that the Tweet was a joke. A joke in poor taste admittedly and not even particularly funny but a joke nevertheless. The guy was cheesed off. His flight was delayed. It was snowing. He was stuck in Doncaster. It was an unthinking moment of heat and frustration. It was a little guy sounding off against a big corporate machine that had let him down. And can I just say again that he was stuck in Doncaster?

Even if he really had blown up the airport surely that alone would be a mitigating circumstance?

As it was, John Cooper QC last month said: “[the Tweet] was certainly not sent in the context of terrorism and it was wrong for the crown court to make such an association”.

Hallelujah.

Commonsense prevails at last. The Law is less of an ass than I thought it was.

But the staff at Robin Hood airport ought to hang their heads in shame along with all those who helped push this case along via the hard earned money of the likes of you and me.

Have we actually really reached an age where the average man on the street can’t cock a snoop at the big corporations with the only weapon available to him that is still free – i.e. his speech?

We have to accept here that there is a huge, clearly recognizable difference between “you have five minutes to evacuate, there is a bomb on your premises, die infidel pig-dog, the code word is kebab” and “your service is so crap you need a bomb put under you to get things to improve”. Real bomb threats are, after all, plainly not funny.

Real bomb hoaxes are also not funny. But “you've got a week and a bit to get your shit together, otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high”, oh and by the way you can clearly identify me by my Twitter account and my 600 Followers is clearly not even in the same ballpark. That isn’t even remotely threatening. It’s someone throwing their rattle out of the pram and then having it taken to the police by a prat who then complains to the police that they felt frightened by the rattle - please lock them up Mr Policeman for I was very fwightened.

Honestly! Some people need to get a life.

Preferably before I blow them sky-high with the two tonnes of Semtex that I have rabidly secreted down my Y-fronts and packed into the hairy chambers of my armpits.

Go on. Complain about this fucking blog. I just dare you!

My finger is hovering over the button right now! One wrong move and you’re all going to die with the smoke of my singed underpants in your lungs!


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29 comments:

joebloggs said...

Well fancy that.. I was just looking through the world wide web for a "How To" on blowing up the Olympics and they brought me back to your door. The more you try and run away from something the closer you get!
Anyway, I don't think there is much need to blow it up half of Britain died of embarrassment last night and the other half cant show their face in public, only the mad flag waving cat collecting old ladies with gin problems {hello John :)}seem to think it was a "Reflection of our good and green country".
They should have just set up a bus shelter in the middle and have a selection of "yoofs" from around the country set up camp with alko pops and cheep cider...now that's a Britain I can identify ... Bah Humbug!!

Steve said...

Joe: I have yet to see the spectacle that was the opening ceremony. I have recorded it for viewing later with the luxury of fast-forward should I require it. Did they stuff Boris Johnson into a Wicker Man and burn him? Please tell me they did!

Marginalia said...

I'd felt I just had to complain about this blog.

It was not written in a moment of frustration or anger, but from the quiet laybys and shopping aisles of the leafy suburban English countryside.

At least you have the sense not to send the Olympic site to kingdom come before last night's wonderful, thrilling, heartwarming, ironic, deprecating, musical, awesome Boyle on the Landscape of this Sceptred Isle.

Steve said...

Marginalia: Yes. I wrote it from the middle of the Opening Ceremony. I was the guy tapping away in front of a PC monitor totally oblivious to whatever was going on around me.

Actually, that's a lie. I was at the cinema watching Batman.

Rol said...

You're just mad because Danny Boyle didn't ask you to fill the Rowan Atkinson role.

Steve said...

Rol: enough of your cheek, Baldrick, my toilet brush needs delousing.

Being Me said...

Just on that, my favourite part was the Queen checking under her nails for god-knows what at the moment when the 7 billion bits of litter descended, representing each person on Earth. Her bemused face gave me a laugh out loud moment which was worth every second of sitting through the rest of it.

Steve said...

Being Me: I bet she was checking under her nails for a cyanide capsule...

Hannah Denski said...

There was me thinking, wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to capture my thoughts as they come, without having to type.... I can now see a flaw in such app.... Imagine someone hacking in...? There'd so many law suits!

: ) x

Marginalia said...

Watching Batman! Now that is scarey!

Steve said...

Hannah: suddenly no comment is throw-away.

Marginalia: the brand new hardcore adult version, I'd like to point out. Not the very camp sixties series.

ohma said...

are you sure do you want do that?
lol
Take patientia.
Cheers

Steve said...

ohma: the plan was to turn my bomb into a missile by taking Viagra.

Jon said...

Well, Steven, you are dicing with danger here. Any moment you could be dragged off to a hellhole in some far off land to be beaten on the soles of the feet with sturdy lengths of cable while simultaneously having electric shocks applied to your nipples.

Bit like Club 18-30 in other words, only with less drink.

Now, at the risk of sounding like a smug European (difficult, mostly because I am a smug European), have you ever noticed the tendency of some Americans to qualify irony by adding “Just kidding!” so that even the most dense amongst us can understand that it was a joke?

I ascribe this sorry business to the slavish desire of British Authority to follow everything that’s done over the pond in the hope of getting a few crumbs swept from the table.

It wasn’t a funny tweet – I’ve come across poisoned kittens that are more amusing – but if the young prat had just terminated with “Just kidding – LOL” all would been instantly clear and this circus could have been avoided. But lawyers have to eat too you know. So perhaps it wouldn’t have.

Steve said...

Jon: so do you want me to detonate or not? I'm confused. Do my underpants need a lawyer?

Jon said...

It depends whether or not your underpants are ethnically acceptable or not.

M&S - fine, no problem, beyond any suspicion. Even if they did kick off on Leeds market. Calvin Klein, ditto. Every American president since Johnson has worn CK dung humpers.

But if you are sporting pants by the known subversive bin-Armani I'd call a silk.

Only you truly know the alligence of your undergarments.

the fly in the web said...

If they do I can recommend one who has got three expresidents off charges of misappropriation of public funds....so your underpants will be in safe - if expensive - hands...

Steve said...

Jon: fake leopard skin. On Sundays it's fake snake skin. I'd feel too guilty having real animal skin next to my privates. Going back to your earlier point about using "only kidding". Nowadays it is more acceptable to use that thus: only kidding... [pause] actually I'm not. That may not have done Paul Chambers any favours if he'd used it.

The fly in the web: will I need to speak French? Or does this guy speak money only?

Expat mum said...

LMAO - "begging letters from the RSPCA". Ha ha ha. Great post. Not so sure about the mental images you left us with at the end, but you can't have everything.

Steve said...

Expat mum: if this semtex goes off you can have a little something...

Wanderlust said...

Can you just make sure you do it while Romney is still there. Is he still there? Can you just keep him?

Steve said...

Wanderlust: hey! This is the UK! Not a prison barge for the world's idiots!

Nana Go-Go said...

Could you just hang fire whilst I have a little peek at the Australian Swim Team (male)in action?

(as a sidenote - I had a packed house today for a post-wedding dinner for my lad and afterwards, all the men retired to the drawing room for their port and cigars (just kidding!)....I mean, they were slothing around my sitting room when suddenly all went quiet...on further investigation, my sister discovered that the Beach Volleyball was on!Well I would never have believed the mesmerising and hypnotic effect the combination of a bit of sand and skimpy bikinis could induce in a crowd of otherwise interesting and intelligent members of the opposite sex!Total silence reigned for the duration!!!)

Nota Bene said...

You watched Batman instead of me...I'm going to blow your blog to smithereens for that...

Owen said...

You've done it this time; you are no doubt now on the no-fly list to a certain country across the pond...

And if you press the button, you will most certainly have no fly... left on your trousers...

MI6 is checking you out right now, as this blog post set off every possible alarm on their internet monitoring system. And they are probably checking out everyone who left a comment here as well, you can't be too safe, eh ?

Steve said...

Nana Go-Go: beach volleyball is an Olympic sport? There's still hope for female mud wrestling, then!

Nota Bene: I have recorded you for posterity is what I've done. All 4 hours of it on my set-top box. I deserve a medal. ;-)

Owen: if MI6 want to come and try defuse my Y-fronts they're more than welcome to have a go. Millions have tried and failed, believe me.

toko baju muslim online murah layali said...

i love your blog, to express your views, this is the correct way.

Hannah Denski said...

: ) here here, have an award - http://hannah-denski.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/my-awards.html : )x

Steve said...

Toko: to advertize your website, this is not the correct way at all.

Hannah: aw shucks - and thanks!