Friday, October 11, 2013

A Mug’s Game

It’s always nice when a friend emails you something funny and / or interesting with the excuse that “I saw this and thought of you”. It makes you feel special, that you’re on another human being’s radar and it allows you to cast aspersions as to what kind of person they consider you to be.

Take the following link that my good friend at Sunny Side Up emailed to me the other day: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis

Just read through the various replies and consider how this sticky subject applies to you.

For those of you too suspicious or too busy to follow the link basically it opens up a huge internet dialogue on the subject of post coital cleansing. It seems that one enterprising couple keeps a mug of water by their bedside table into which the man immerses his dirty appendage while his wife hogs the bathroom thus individually and simultaneously ridding themselves of the more uncomfortable aspect of the post lovemaking glow [i.e. the stickiness of sated appetite]. Personally removing the gimp mask is a higher priority for me but we’ll let that pass for now.

Of course, it begs the question: is this normal? Although that question is transmuted into the far safer and less politically fractious: do other people do this too?

As you will see from the comments and replies in the link, although the mug has a lot going for it in terms of convenience (providing the mug isn’t painfully shallow) there does exist a danger that your early morning mug of tea might be a lot milkier than you would normally take it if you do not exercise some care when selecting your first beverage of the day.

I must confess that I myself do not utilize a mug, bucket or trough but am happy to avail myself of a couple of wet wipes or even the shower (should I have been particularly adventurous and wild) and consider this to be pretty normal.

I am now wondering if maybe there is a missed marketing opportunity in the offing here. Not so much in the line of speciality mugs – I mean why pay a premium for a “special” mug when your favourite Willy-Wonka mug will do the job just as well for a fraction of the price? I’m talking speciality equipment. Some kind of nob hoover. Although I suppose a Vax would be a better analogy. Or even some kind of miniature washing device like a car wash that one could strap on, plug in and pour in the Mr Matey Bubble Bath and hey presto! Bang and the dirt is gone. Although on second thoughts maybe mixing water, electricity and genitals is not really such a great idea?

Maybe some kind of personal valeting service is the solution then? Someone with a strong stomach and a soft bristle tooth-brush? I reckon I’d clean up pretty well with that idea.

In fact I’ll place an advert in the local paper right now:

“Wanted: scrubber.”

That ought to get the right kind of person interested…


20 comments:

Marginalia said...

I use the bidet myself. Until recently it had a pot of geraniums in it: it looked very pretty. The missus, however, put me right....

Gorilla Bananas said...

Dunking won't be effective because washing requires agitation. Try dipping a frog in a saline solution and putting it inside your briefs. Cleans the todger and gets you in the mood for Round 2.

Steve said...

Marginalia: glad to hear you weren't growing cacti.

Gorilla Bananas: you sound as if you speak from experience. Explaining away the frog spawn could be interesting.

K Ville said...

At my age I truly thought I'd seen/heard it all, and trust me I've been around that block a few times, but "fill up the penis beaker"...really?!

Being Me said...

I anticipated this post so much that I actually went and made a coffee to enjoy while reading. Was that wrong? Promise, it's an actual coffee mug. No dual purposes here.

But despite your willingness to explore the process, I STILL do not understand how anyone would think dunking could in any way be useful. I must stop thinking about this. Obviously.

Just telling it like it is said...

Gorilla now that is funny a frog..

I am thinking you might be on to something...a contraption of some sorts... with natural soft fiber bristles. So you could dip in a soapy solution on one side...maybe it could have a divider of fibers...dip in middle to the brush fibers then dip other side in water.

Seems like a lot a trouble...I'd just stick the frog idea

Steve said...

K Ville: penis beaker sounds so awkward. Love cup? The Chalice of Unchasteness? The Unholy Grail?

Being Me: dunking is a process that was invented for biscuits. End of. Or basketball, I suppose. Or witches. Now, waggling or swirling are different matters entirely.

Just telling it like it is: the frog would certainly be cheaper but I'd worry about sudden intervention from Chris Packham or David Attenborough. Endangered species and all that. And imagine if you ended up with one of those poisonous South American tree frogs! Death by willy wash is not how I planned to go.

the fly in the web said...

Two bathrooms. Simple.

Steve said...

The fly in the web: or two separate bedrooms.

Trish Burgess said...

I've heard a lot about this thread over the last few days but your post is the funniest. 'Removing the gimp mask...'
You do make me laugh :-)

Steve said...

Trish: funny? This was meant to be a serious sexposé!

;-)

Suburbia said...

Nob Hoover...How I laughed! Thanks, I needed that!

Steve said...

Suburbia: patent pending.

Nota Bene said...

So glad you decided to write on the topic as I'd read the original on Mumsnet.Of course it's a tricky subject for anyone to address without revealing a little too much information about themselves. Personally I find that if I don't nod off afterwards I can generally sprint to the bathroom faster than the sheep

Steve said...

Nota Bene: sheep? You did mean that metaphorically, right?

Right?

Keith said...

Dunking is a delicate art. Too long and the end goes floppy and drops off and you have to fish for it with a tea spoon.

I have had that happen many times.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

If they are that itchy afterwards, I suggest a his n hers visit to the GUI clinic.

Steve said...

Keith: boiling hot water tends to exacerbate that, I find...

Laura: or a change of washing-up liquid.

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

Oh lord what a laugh - I knew I'd be in for one catching up with you but this takes the cake. I must be old fashioned or rather I must have been old fashioned. We just made sure there was a toilet roll tucked under the bed, but then we both came from a generation that had a bath once a week...

Steve said...

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden: hmm. I wonder what people from other older generations used? Did the Romans, for example, use a specially shaped strigil?