Monday, August 25, 2014

End Of Holiday Disbelief

The family.The best part of a holiday is the few days right before it all begins. When you feel invincible at work. When you feel shielded from the vagaries of life and the arsedom of other people because, you know, in a few day's time they are not going to matter. Because you will have removed yourself completely from their mundane sphere of influence and you will be in a country far cleaner, freer and greener. And life will be full of possibility again and the business of living. As life should be.

Which isn't to say that the holiday itself isn't magnificent. The gadding about, the sightseeing, the being somewhere new with other people who are also only passing through. All of us unwitting but good natured passengers on each other's journeys. Most of us will only pass this way but once. And that makes it more special.

But all too soon you get to the last day. And work looms. And you wonder how 2 whole weeks can possibly have flown by so quickly. You even made an effort to savour every day. To grab hold and will time to slow. To be conscious of every passing hour. But you only keep that up for the first few days. When the novelty of being outside normal routine impinges itself upon you without any effort required on your part to embrace it. But even being free becomes a habit. And a few days in you let go of the time-brake and the holiday freewheels down the hill of your life and as it picks up speed you just laugh the louder, despite knowing that when it reaches the bottom of the hill you will grieve the fact the ride is over far too soon.

And then you reflect back to those days before the holiday and realise you were right. You were absolutely right. Those few days before the holiday were indeed the best. Because you had all this wonderfulness ahead of you. It was all waiting there. A gift you kind of knew you were going to get but you had no idea how big it was going to be or quite how it would affect you. Good memories are huge and affect you the longest.

The last 2 weeks have been brilliant. We have enjoyed a stay in the Peak District, visited good friends in Weston-Super-Mare and had a fantastic day in Legoland. We have eaten well and indulged a little. We have enjoyed ourselves as a family immensely. Perhaps more so because of the stress of the time leading up to it. Being happy and carefree on holiday seemed a distinct impossibility when the dark hours bit. But in life you take the good times when you can. It's a good survival technique.

I took a break from blogging too. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened. So plainly was the right thing to do.

But tomorrow I am back to work. And I am standing in front of that cliff looking up at it knowing that as soon as I start climbing it will be fine. Muscle memory will kick in and it will all seem effortless and right and even, to a degree, OK.

But right now I wish I was still in the middle of the green field at my back with the edges indistinct blurs at the very periphery of my vision.

I can't quite believe that the freewheeling is over for another summer.



18 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Showing your work colleagues photos of you in your flat cap is something you've still got to look forward to. Their hoots of derision would certainly cheer me up! Legoland - hah!

libby said...

Ah yes... the return to work blues...but at least you seem quite level headed about it....so look at your holiday pics and remember how wonderful it all was - and start counting down to your next escape.
Lovely pic too.

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: you'll be pleased to know that a Lego silverback was a central component of the Lego "safari" area though it did look a little stiff.

Libby: yes, another survival technique... counting down the days to the next holiday!

Barry Coidan said...

Steve, the most sensible and least painful strategy is to completely forget you ever had a holiday.

You'll be sitting at your desk cursing why that job you said needed to be urgently completed still hasn't been touched and remembering and wondering how you could have agreed to a family day out at Legoland. Don't, I repeat, don't open your pay check for at least another week. Another shock to the system is likely to be fatal.

Nana Go-Go said...

I've only had one day off for the Bank Holiday (which I had to beg for)and I'm feeling the same about tomorrow! Don't be sad about your holidays - sounds like you had a brilliant time and roll on the next one, eh? x

John Gray said...

I like the flat cap
He photo exudes happy days

Steve said...

Barry: I suspect you're not being entirely glib and there is much wisdom in your advice. Hell is always more bearable If you erase the memory of Heaven.

Nana Go-Go: already booking it!

John: thank you. It's nice to meet somebody else with good taste.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I know how you feel and I've only had the Bank Holiday weekend!

Being Me said...

You must do all your holidays heartily and with flair, because you seem to me to regularly be taking one. Very inspiring! They are the stuff that gets you through "the rest of it", so you must be doing something right in your work-life balance.

Have you been to see Kate yet? Silly me. You can't have. We would know if you had!

Vicky said...

I am into my second day back at work after a weeks break and it isn't getting any easier LOL

Steve said...

Laura: and wasn't the weather a doozie?!

Being Me: no, Kate's opening night is tonight, bless her. Keeping my fingers crossed. We're not seeing her until next month... so I have weeks of anticipation ahead of me!

Vicky: that's not very comforting! ;-(

K Ville said...

I recall a time when I grasped work and was glad to get back and career build and enjoyed it. Today, like you, I feel slightly sick at the thought of tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to retirement and death.

the fly in the web said...

I used to like work...but then, I worked for myself.

Holidays could be good - if I forget all the arrangements that had to be made in order to take one and the chaos on return....

I'm hoping to be off on holiday shortly....and have a notebook like the Domesday Book of things to be done and checked off....

Holidys...humbug!

Steve said...

K Ville: I'm looking forward to retirement and the death of work.

The fly in the web: I can't of know what you mean. Sorting out the chaos that has ensued in your absence almost makes the holiday not worth it. Almost.

Rol said...

Hope the return to work hasn't been TOO horrific!

Nota Bene said...

Do you remember the long hot summer holidays of your childhood? Where do they go to. You could almost be mistaken for a farmer in those clothes!

Steve said...

Rol: it's OK. The zombies have infected me. I'm OK now.

Nota Bene: oo ar!

Trish Burgess said...

I'm very late responding to this post but you already know how much I liked it :-)