Monday, March 17, 2008

Ace Of Clubs

As any chocolate connoisseur will tell you, there is nothing finer than biting into a Jacob’s Club and finding you’ve got hold of that rare treasure – a Club that, either through a production line slip-up or operator failure, is completely biscuit-less.

Instead its interior is comprised solely of that soft Jacob’s patented chocolate filling and nothing else.

What you are holding is a “fillet of Club”. The biscuity bones are fully absent.

You have in your hands, quite unexpectedly, a product of pure, unadulterated JOY.

Call me small-minded. Call me petty. Call me trivial.

But today has been a good day.

Today I have felt special.

Mr Jacob please take note. I am easily pleased...

12 comments:

Inchy said...

Today I have a post-hangover hangover, and so far, nothing in the world seems good. I find your happiness disturbing Steve, and I am currently plotting your downfall.

EmmaK said...

True! that is a wonderful experience. It was not quite such a wonderful experience to buy some frozen battered cod the other day and to find one of the pieces were just ice and breadcrumbs and no fish!

Steve said...

Inchy, don't spend any money on it, honestly, we're talking about a drop of no more than a couple of inches...

Emma, I guess your fish story is a dark inversion of mine, the same and yet different... a mystical dichotomy; something that ultimately restores the balance of the universe.

Stephen Hawking, I hope you're reading!

Old Cheeser said...

If you like a lot of chocolate on biscuit JOIN OUR CLUB!!

I think the reason for the absence of "bones" in your biscuit was that they morphed into a skeleton of death, recently seen battling with Owen Harper, Steve. That would explain the absence, surely....

Sky Clearbrook said...

Yep - biscuit-less Club. I've been there. Once had a chunky Kit Kat like that too.

Result.

The Sagittarian said...

No idea what you are talking about but chocolate on chocolate sounds good in any persons language! Lucky you. Enjoy but watch out for lightening strikes....

TimeWarden said...

Apologies for not having commented on your previous "Torchwood" post, Steve, but I haven't actually watched that episode yet and I've now only a day or so left on the iPlayer to do so!

Anyway, I've been round Jacob's biscuit factory in Liverpool, many years ago now (same week I saw Kate Bush!), and saw the tunnel of chocolate that, as it funnels down, looks like a steel pipe before forming those pure chocolate bars!

The father, of the friend I was staying with, worked at Jacob's and we were offered sandwiches, as well as biscuits-a-plenty, and a goodie bag, each, to take with us. It was raining and the bottom fell out of my friend's bag just as we reached the bus stop to return to his home!

Steve said...

You know you could be right OC, in the Torchwood world it would be quite feasible for Death to be made of biscuit and then having to battle a man who cannot eat. Hmm. I'm glad I got the chocolate part... maybe I could invite Tosh to eat it with me. Or do you think she would prefer Owen's dry biscuit?

Ah, Sky, that takes the biscuit and no mistake. I once had a third of a chunky Kit Kat that was entirely chocolate but never the whole bar. The victory is yours, sir!

Amanda, chocolate on chocolate sounds vaguely erotic. Suddenly my enjoyment of said bar has increased ten-fold... as for the lightening strikes, I shall be sure to wear rubber soles today.

Lucky you, TimeWarden - you have seen Mr Jacob's tunnel of love! Much as I love chocolate, seeing Kate Bush would beat all the biscuitless chocolate bars in the world. I wonder if anyone has ever said that to her? Sorry to hear about your friend's bag failure - but it sounds like his bag was at least eco friendly!

Old Cheeser said...

Chowing down with Toshiko eh? Glad you think my hypothesis is a feasible one. I suspect that Owen's biscuit would be a bit...lifeless?

And silly me meant to say "If you like a lot of chocolate on YOUR biscuit, JOIN OUR CLUB"! Remember that one?

Steve said...

OC, I have had the Club ditty going round and round in my head all day! Though actually of course I don't want a lot of chocolate on my biscuit... I want a lot of chocolate on my chocolate!

Daisy said...

i have never had one of those...but will have to look for them on my next jaunt...however there is nothing like a cold hersey bar with almonds and a mountain dew properly chilled...mmmmmmmmmm

Inchy said...

Sorry Daisy, 17 beers, a doner kebab, and a taxi home beats that every time.