Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Fence Is The Best Defence

The Bloggertropolis security compound was strengthened and fortified against all rogue incursions of the canine variety over the weekend.

A sterling local company of fencing experts who go by the name of ID Fencing descended on the ol’ homestead early Saturday morning and disgorged enough woodery and nailery from the back of their flatbed truck to construct a fully functioning watchtower complete with machine gun posts and sniper slits.

Alas, such an item of garden furniture was beyond their remit to build and so instead they worked like Trojan’s to put up a 6ft fence that greatly diminishes the possibility of anything larger than a squirrel ever gaining access to the inner sanctum of my lawn and herbaceous borders.

I’m proud to say my backyard is now tighter than a gnat’s arse.

We’ve even seen a drop-off in the amount of cat poo that normally bullet-holes the lawn which, as far as I’m concerned, is an added bonus.

Although we’ve lost a little bit of view and the illusion of space the good definitely outweighs the bad. For the first time ever we feel safe and private in our garden. And more importantly we feel that the kids are safe. Our troublesome neighbours with their rampaging rottweiler left over a month ago but we decided to push on with the fence plans regardless. You never know who might be moving in after them – a wild cat maniac, a boxing kangaroo aficionado or even a man in a cloth cap with a penchant for cock fighting. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

As it happens the fence was a wise move.

The fencing boys – being local lads – were able to inform us that the garden that abuts onto the bottom of ours belongs to a “half way house” of indeterminate variety.

Marvellous. And I thought we lived in a nice area. Hyacinth Bucket as opposed to Onslow and Rose.

Seems I was wrong.

Seems we have the Gallagher’s living at the bottom of the garden. Or to be exact, rejects from the Jeremy Kyle show. During bouts of weekend gardening Karen has been able to eavesdrop on drunken protestations of love and drunken death threats should one or other of the rehabilitatees veer from the path of physical faithfulness and exclusive intimacy. Not so much the course of true love as the coarse...

Anyway, Mr and Mrs Ex-Jailbird own a ruddy great pit-bull.

*Sigh*

I’m wondering if there is still time to electrify the fence and build that watchtower...


19 comments:

justme said...

Fence sounds like excellent improvement.
On another topic, my blog has been 'found' and I have ggone temporarily private while I work out how to deal with it. Don't know how to invite people so its just me reading it at the momennt. Hoping to resume normal service in a few days.....

Steve said...

Justme: sorry to hear that. There should be an option to to have invited readers only and then you should be to invite people via their email address / blogger log-on address. Obviously you'll have to request their email addresses to do this. Should you wish to go down this route the easiest (and most secure) way is to set yourself up with a temporary hotmail address. You can give this to people via their comments boxes and ask them to send you their email addresses of they wish to receive an invite. And ask them to delete the comment straight afterwards!

Or ignore the above, lay low for a few days and hope that the trespassers get bored and move on...! Good luck!

Gypsy said...

I just thought I would poke my nose in here and let Justme know what to do as I have been in the same unfortunate position. Just go to Settings, Permissions and it asks who you want to view...Click only these people and it will then ask you to put in their email addresses to invite them. That's it. If you ever want to change it back you just click Anybody to view it and it goes back to being public.


Now to you Steve....
I have a rather different problem to you. Being out in the country we all live on two and a half acre blocks. Our property, like most, is just surrounded by a fairly flimsy wire fence. We are surrounded by horses who seem to prefer eating our weeds as opposed to their own and have damn near pushed down our fences in their eagerness to get to them. I daresay before much longer I will be invaded by marauding horses, sheep, goats and other assorted farm animals. Brilliant!

Steve said...

Gypsy:

Regarding justme - far more succinct and clear than my convoluted explanation, thank you.

Regarding the fence thing - care to swap? ;-)

EmmaK said...

Your Gallagher neighbors sound like colorful free entertainment. Look on the bright side here if you have white trash next door you need to start worrying. Due to the 'right under the constitution to bear arms' every moonshine swilling tattooed oik can be found lovingly brandishing a gun and if the wife talks to him the wrong way come saturday night then more than fists are gonna fly ...

Steve said...

Emma: good point - there's not a lot of damage our lot can get up to armed with a can of Special Brew and a rolled up copy of Razzle... it's the the dog that worries me more than the owners...

MOTHER OF MANY said...

I think you are lucky having just the 'Galaghers'living close by.I live in an ex-council house on a small estate which is actually quite a nice place APART from the flats behind my house!They are single bedroom flats and the local council seems to take great delight in putting drug dealers and repeat offenders in.
The police are in the road so often we now know them all by name.
I had a dream the other night that the Maguires from SHAMELESS moved in!

Suburbia said...

I reckon you definitely do have time Steve!!

We used to live in a ground floor flat when TG was a toddler. People would walk in the field behind the house and sometimes their dogs would burst through the hedge and into our garden. I used to scream -apparently like a fishwife!- to them to keep their dogs under control. They never took any notice but I always felt better for the shouting!!

Those were the days!

The Sagittarian said...

Good to hear you've got your fence sorted! Shame about your neighbours, back to the moat idea maybe??

Steve said...

Ally: you're right of course, the Maguires would be much worse. I guess I should count my blessings!

Suburbia: hmm, there's a lot to be said for primal scream therapy... maybe I ought to give it a go?

Amanda: a moat, drawbridge and crenellated castle with boiling oil... only the best for me. I wonder if I can pick on up at Ikea?

A Write Blog said...

You could just get a bigger dog!

We are lucky. We have and 'inner sanctum' with a high fence for our private times and a large outer area that is more open. It's like having an 'Motte and Bailey' castle sort of thing in a way.

Is your garden big enough for that?

It would creat

Steve said...

AWB: looks like you got cut off mid sentence there... hope you haven't got Norman invaders knocking on your portcullis!

;-)

-eve- said...

Coool :-) I like fences. The privacy and security is the most important bit for me :-)

Valerie said...

Steve, I enjoyed your take on undesirable neighbours. Wise move getting the fence, if you ask me. Which you're not, but I offer my remark regardless of all consequences ... grins.
I like your style, you can have that one for free.

Steve said...

Eve: totally agree. Freedom from prying eyes is almost as important as freedom from salivating dogs.

Valerie: thank you! ;-)

French Fancy said...

Is this a recent change - the ownership of the property backing on to yours? What a shame; I know we should all be glad about rehabilitating the low lives but you don't really want them on your door step. Goodness, how non-pc I am today - don't hold it against me. I've got a back ache and feel very old and crotchety. I'd probably shout at Mother Teresa today (she wasn't as good apparently as the image makers would have us believe - she'd only help religious people)

Steve said...

FF: I think it possible is a recent thing... I don't recall having rednecks on my doorstep before and I'm sure I would have noticed. As for Mother T... I heard she was a right nasty piece of work when the mood took her. Extortion rackets, gin joints, contract killings and even eating roast beef on a Friday... not a woman to be messed with!

Nota Bene said...

I'd instal a moat myself

Steve said...

Nota Bene: I do quite like the idea but it's not very child friendly...!