Thursday, March 25, 2010

I’m A Model And I’m Looking Good

Male models 70's styleSometimes, when money is short, you find yourself willing to undertake things – paid work – that you would not normally have ever entertained. You find a sudden flexibility in your pride and your prudishness. A willingness to consider options that normally you would have laughed at. Even scoffed at.

Today, at lunchtime, I became a male model.

In exchange for £10 I allowed a local artist to do whatever she wanted with me for a whole hour. I allowed her to pore over my blushing form, to caress my trembling curves with graphite, to render me intimately in tone and texture upon the naked page.

I wore my leopard-skin Y-fronts especially.

And I am glad to say they were not needed. No people, scrub those unwholesome visions of my rude deflowerment from your eyes. There was nothing at all seedy about the transaction.

I was not required to present my male virility nude, naked or otherwise disrobed. It was merely portrait modelling. Head and shoulders. My clavicles upwards. Not even as far down as my man-boobs (very tight and pert thank you for asking).

And to be honest it was a very pleasant hour indeed.

I shan’t name the artist as that would be unfair but she’s a local Asian lady, well into her eighties, with a passion for painting and drawing. A number of my friends model for her and for £10 an hour and a sandwich it’s the easiest work you’re ever likely to get. To be honest the homemade lunch would have been payment enough. The £10 per session is a lovely bonus and means I can buy myself the odd treat. It’s almost like getting pocket money. Add into that mix fascinating conversation, genuine kindness and a wonderful sense of humour and it’s a damn good way to spend a lunch time.

I shall be going back next week and for as many weeks as the benevolent Mrs X is willing to entertain my visage beneath her immaculately décored roof.

I’d be an idiot not to.

After all, only fools and horses...


33 comments:

Rol said...

I have disturbing images in my head now. I know you claim non-nudity... but the very suggestion was enough to disturb my subconscious. Thanks for that.

Steve said...

Rol: admit it. Your 2B pencil is trembling in your hands.

femminismo said...

I have always found that drawing the unrobed human form is quite a sensual experience. (And are we really talking about "pencils" here?) haha - "rude deflowerment"! You have a wonderful way with language. I'm sure the artist had her hands full if she allowed you to talk.

Steve said...

Femminismo: I took life drawing classes at college and without fail we had an old dessicated man turn up - plainly consumptive - to be our model. And every week the tutor would arrange him in "one leg up" poses utilizing various items of furniture. And no matter where I'd sit I'd always end up getting the arse 'n' ball-bag shot. It was in no way a sensuous experience for me. ;-)

Owen said...

Hey Steve, this is good news then !

For some reason this reminded me of a British film I saw some of on the telly a few months ago, about a lady near London who had a grandchild who was seriously ill and needed an operation, and they had no money for it. To raise money for her grandson's operation, without which he would die, she got a job giving, hmm, how to say, errr, hand jobs at a sex shop in London. She turned out to be the, umm, handiest hand they'd ever had, was wildly successful, and ended up making enough money to save the grandson. It wasn't a porn movie... Can't for the life of me though remember the title. Anyway, I hope you won't have to resort to anything along those lines...
:-)

Oh, it just came back to me... title of film is "Irina Palm".
A very touching story, one might say...

Alienne said...

Lol!! You had me wondering there for a minute but I would find it difficult to believe any octogenerian ladies would be terribly bothered about drawing nudes! It sounds a very good way of passing a lunch hour! Better than staying at your desk to eat a sandwich.

Steve said...

Owen: sometimes, in the quest to increase ones income, one needs to have one's fingers in as many pies as possible or risk being palmed off with very little at all... it's all in the wrist action. Apparently.

Alienne: indeed. This way I get the sandwich supplied to me to help me keep my... er... pecker up.

Löst Jimmy said...

A model's got to do what a model's got to do. Now don't spend that tenner all at once!

Mark said...

I feel you are being seduced by the sandwiches.
It starts with the head and neck, then maybe a shirt hanging loosely off the shoulder... and before you know it...

We used to have this enormous model at our life class. She was great - totally comfortable; 'bring your largest paper' she would say.

Pic of her here:

http://viewsfromthebikeshed.blogspot.com/2009/11/thoughts-on-food-and-sex.html

ArtSparker said...

Sounds like a lovely way to spend a lunch hour.

Clippy Mat said...

as I said,
you'll be rolling in chocolate buttons.. 10 quid's worth anyhoo.
;-)

Owen said...

Steve, a truly succulent response !

What a wicked wit you are...

The Sagittarian said...

Oh wonderous post!
Actually, I have been a nude model but I did it for free...a sandwich would have been nice tho'!!

Steve said...

Löst Jimmy: I'm tempted to frame this first one.

Mark: I'd better start fattening myself up... or maybe that's what Mrs X is doing with the sandwiches...?!

ArtSparker: it is. I wish I'd been initiated years before.

Clippy Mat: your comment was very prophetic... I just hope Cadbury's can maintain the quality now that they've been bought out.

Owen: I was provoked and inspired...!

Amanda: nude for free? I take my hat off to you - but that's as far as I'm prepared to go.

French Fancy said...

Oh I think this is a great idea. Lots more chocolate bars for you at no cost really - no cost from your own pocket that is.

I have also modelled for artists (just as you did, -portrait work) and it is quite hard to sit still for long. Two of the paintings that were done of me my parents would have liked to buy but they just couldn't afford the price - shame, eh.

At least we've been hung on a wall.

Steve said...

FF: Mrs X is so generous that she actually gives all her finished portraits to the models... so really it's an example of overwhelming largesse: food, money and the finished artwork! It's nice to know that there are such generous people in the world.

The Dotterel said...

Can I have an application form?

Steve said...

The Dotterel: not needed - she'll take anybody (how do you think I got the gig in the first place?)!

Nota Bene said...

£10? I don't get that much for giving blood...

Steve said...

Nota Bene: ah... but I'm baring my inner soul, my inner beauty...

Annie said...

Any chance we can see a picture of you in those leopard-skin Y-fronts?
:)

EmmaK said...

Would love to see her sketches of you!! I used to do a lot of life drawing and there was this one 'model' a guy who always had a half erection with pre cum dripping out - I am actually surprised he wasn't sacked I mean for gods sake why couldnt he have thought about margaret thatcher nude like anyone else you know and kept his thing under control?...you may want to branch out into nude modelling - you sound like you have the body for it lol

Steve said...

Emma: "branch out"... is that a euphemism?

Annie: it'll cost ya!

lunarossa said...

Gosh, that seems my ideal occupation! Can you read and/or listen to music "on the job"? Do you meet any other "model"? I'm really intrigued...is it that too far from York? Ciao. A.

Steve said...

Lunarossa: music is put on but it's for the benefit of the artist rather than the model. As for meeting other models, most of them have been recruited from where I work so I know them anyway. It's a bit of a long walk from NY... not sure it would be worth £10 an hour and a sandwich but you'd be very welcome!

Selina Kingston said...

This has made me feel all warm inside (and not in that way!) because the relationship between you and Mrs X sounds so lovely. I suspect she knows she's getting a very good deal for £10 and a sandwich, and the fact that you genuinely enjoy her company says a lot about you.
That's it. I'm not going to say anything smutty like some of the others above, although if you have any pictures of you in the leopard skin y-fronts, I could do with a laugh ....

Steve said...

Selina: why do people find my leopard-skin (fake, I should say) Y-fronts so funny? Just 'cos there's a tail at the back... grrrrrowl!

Gypsy said...

Just one question? If you were only being drawn from the shoulders up, why the need to be stripped down to your leopard skin y-fronts? Hmmmm? Enquiring minds want to know.

Steve said...

Gypsy: I just like the air to circulate down there... I think you know what I mean.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

When's the calendar coming out?

I think you should pose for every month!

Lx

Steve said...

Laura: that's not a bad idea. If only I owned 12 different pairs of underpants...

Fresca said...

What KIND of sandwich?

Steve said...

Fresca: one where I was definitely not the filling...