Saturday, March 27, 2010

No, Don’t Talk To Me, I Haven’t Landed Yet

The CockpitWe all have our foibles. Our little likes and dislikes. Our pet hates. The things that trigger uranium enriched internal atomic explosions.

Mine is not being allowed to get to my desk when I first arrive at work in the morning.

I don’t ask for much. Just that I be allowed to come in – I’ll say “good morning” if I have to – get to my desk, sit down, turn on my PC and check my emails.

That’s it.

I want to be left alone until all that is done.

I don’t want to come in and find things – other people’s post, mysterious objects that have broken off bits of machinery or the building itself, old newspapers, miscellaneous keys and a smorgasbord of post-it notes all containing complaints – scattered all over my desk and keyboard like the dead at Ypres. I hate that.

More than anything though I don’t want a protracted conversation. Once I’ve checked my emails – fine. I’ll talk the day away quite happily. But first thing in the morning, no... I need to land. Connect with the work place. Commune with my PC. Be forewarned if there is any electronic maliciousness infecting the internet airwaves.

The worst thing is when people talk – relentlessly and regardlessly – at me. Regale me with tales of their adventures the night before. And out of the corner of my eye I can see my email client loading on my PC. And – it’s terribly antisocial of me, I know (I ought to be damned grateful that anybody wants to talk to me at all, ever) – I can feel my body, my mind, my very soul yearning to turn my face away from the speaker so I can scan my In-box. And I nod and I hmm and I give non-committal replies... searching, straining to find the very first break in the conversation that presents itself so I can switch my attention back to my PC monitor.

Talk to the hand. I got mail.

I’m rude. I know I am. Rude and ungrateful. But... *shrugs* It’s just the way I am. I need that time to lower my landing gear, taxi up the runway, disembark a few troublesome passengers and perform my after flight checks. After that my inner hostess can come out, all big teeth and smiles, and I’m all set for work.

The emergency exits are here, here and here.

Sorted.

Good. We’re all clear. Now sit down, shut up and enjoy the flight.

Thank you for flying Steve Airways.


28 comments:

Selina Kingston said...

Bloody hell, you're a true monster. And do you know what's scary? I totally recognise myself in there !!

Steve said...

Selina: I'm a whole new breed of antisocial cyber criminal. I'm amazed that I have any friends. Well, amazed that I have any friends that I actually like.

;-)

French Fancy said...

That is just how it was for me at work - as practice manager I was used to having complaints directed at me but, please, allow me to take my coat off, drink my coffee, see what the day has in store via the emails before going on and on.

I think it should be employment law that everyone be left alone for the first 30 minutes of the day - no phone calls, interruptions, nothing - unless it involves a slice of cake.

Steve said...

FF: I so agree. I bet we'd see a huge drop in the national murder rate too.

The Sagittarian said...

ooh, that was SOOO my morning on Friday!! I had hardly got my small but pretty foot in the door and BAM! some idiot sent a call thru to me. WTF???

Steve said...

Amanda: what is wrong with people? Surely they don't expect us to launch straight into work the moment we arrive?! Outrageous!

Clippy Mat said...

My solution to a similar problem is to be the first one there! I suggest you try it. It's a life changer.
You're welcome.
:-)

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: 9 times out of 10 I am the first one there but having young kids I can't always guarantee such early time keeping.

Gypsy said...

I remember when my kids were younger and it was the endless questions stage. It would start the moment I appeared out of the bedroom in the morning with bleary eyes and bed hair. The questions..... Endless, bloody, inane questions. Nearly drove me over the edge.


I am NOT a morning person and prefer to be left completely alone until at least 10am...longer if I can get away with it. What a shame we don't always get what we want eh.


Btw Steve....I closed my blog tonight (as in made it private). I did put up a post explaining it's nothing personal so those who have me in Reader could see it. I have already had emails from people asking why they can't get into my blog and thinking I am locking them out. Sigh..... I've just locked the place up for safekeeping until I come back so please know I have not locked you out.

Steve said...

Gypsy: I'm more a morning person than not but do need a bit of personal space before my engine has got properly going.

I did see your post about closing your blog *sniff* and obviously knew it was coming from your previous post. I do hope you return to the blogging world soon. You'll be sorely missed. Until then, take care of yourself, be happy and come back again soon!

Clippy Mat said...

oh right. and here's me thinking the nanny would take care of such droll things.
;-)

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: she's got enough on her plate shining my shoes and frying my breakfast.

Alienne said...

I know exactly what you mean - it takes time to get into work mode. Fortunately I am usually the first of my lot through the door so I have had time to log in, read e-mails and get a coffee inside me before anyone else turns up and expects me to be chirpy.

Steve said...

Alienne: but I bet you're considerate enough to let the others land first before you hit them with your chirpiness...!

Joe Bloggs said...

Squeakin ass a man whooze gut the weakend free coz the whiffnkidz are off 2sea the udder½, Odd likm to say:
Inbetween flaws
Highmate be tempo Ted
Chew chalk too Yah, made
Butch, Hum the sailontype
Soil juiced pecker on, honest
(trust drilling, well - oilmoist - bye gum, dunno; guess I owe ya a nujdge anna wink and wotnot, eh?)

Owen said...

Steve, remember that flame thrower ? Time to get it out of the shed. In fact, it sounds like it should be permanently strapped on your back... that way, at the slightest sight of trouble... whhooooshhhh.... gone ... peace again... !

Vicky said...

That is exactly how I like to start my day at work, but we have one worker who if she sees you come in your phone is either ringing when you sit down or she is in your office talking a million miles an hour. Is murder before emails a legit excuse before the courts LOL

skatey katie said...

lol - i have no desk, so nowhere for the post-its to land, thankfully X

Steve said...

Joe Bloggs: like totally.

Owen: next time someone says "Steve's on fire"... they might just be right.

Vicky: I'm petitioning my locak MP for a change in the law.

Katie: now that's what I call a solution. I'm selling mine on eBay right now!

Tenon_Saw said...

Hey Steve, are you working for the TES now?
http://community.tes.co.uk/forums/t/397103.aspx (see avatar)

Steve said...

Tenon_Saw: that's uncanny. But what an incredibly handsome guy.

missbehaving said...

Surely it's not too much to ask!
Here it's "Can I...' from the minute I wake up.

Steve said...

MissBehaving: I know what you mean. I think "no" is the word I use the most out of the entire language.

vegemitevix said...

Hey, it's not how I like to start my work but how I like to start my day, period! I fear this email/Twitter relationship is getting a little serious.

vegemitevix said...

Ok.. so where's the RSS thingy mate? Want to show you some link love.

Steve said...

Vegemitemix: that's very kind of you. I can't seem to locate an rss link but hopefully this will do the job: http://bloggertropolis.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Twitter caught my eye for a while but it was a brief, torrid affair. I have renewed my vows with Blogger.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I quite agree.

Being expected to talk to anyone before 10am is sheer barbarism.

Steve said...

Laura: it's heathenism of the worst kind. Totally uncivilized.