Sunday, June 13, 2010

Ingland Expects

Cross of St. GeorgeI hereby announce that this blog is going to be a World Cup free zone. The World Cup is not going to be written about or discussed.

Except when I feel the need the moan about the World Cup.

See, what annoys me about the World Cup (apart from those stupid flags that everyone is prittsticking to the side windows of their cars - do read Rol's excellent It's Coming Home post to discover what to do about them) is this tacit expectation that everyone - especially if you're male - is going to be "into" the World Cup.

Suddenly it is the topic of conversation. And you're expected to have an opinion. You're expected to support a team. You're expected to care. You're even expected to face the "so are you watching the World Cup or are you going to be a World Cup free household?" question.

It has to be yes or no. Black or white. One or the other. The absence of the World Cup defined by its very existence.

But I don't care about the World Cup. I really don't. I don't even know the score of last night's match. I'm not bothered about knowing. I know it would be the easiest thing in the world to look it up online but I just can't be bothered. I'd rather be here writing about not caring to know. And please don't tell me the score. It's useless information. What am I going to do with it? Go outside and talk to someone about the match? I didn't watch it. Who won and who lost are so far outside my sphere of worries and concerns the match may as well have been played on Alpha Centauri. [If only.]

My world does not revolve around the World Cup. It is unimportant. It is a money-making, media blitzing, marketeer's wet-dream that benefits only the very few.

But that's fine. If you're into it, if you enjoy it, I'm pleased for you.

Just don't foist it onto me.

And, worse still, don't look at me like I'm a criminal / insane / deliberately perverse just because I'm not into it. There is nothing deliberate about my disinterest.

I have just never liked football. Not watching it or playing it. It doesn't make me unpatriotic just because I am not supporting England in the World Cup. I am supporting nobody in the World Cup. Nobody at all.

I don't care about any of them. Really.

Which is why this blog is going to be a World Cup free zone.

OK?


45 comments:

Heather said...

Thank heavens for that! I'm so glad i'm here in Finland this summer where they dont really care about it. The matches were on our equivalent of bbc2 but I didn't watch them, I dont know or care about the results and thankfully, nor does most of the country it seems.

Steve said...

Heather: if you'd like a lodger for the next few weeks... I can travel light.

Alienne said...

I would not dream of criticising anyone for not liking football - each to their own. It would be a very boring world if we were all the same. England fans are almost certainly doomed to disappointment anyway.

I might join you and Rol in a little night time flag removal - I absolutely HATE those things.

Steve said...

Alienne: I think we need to divide the country up into zones or there's no way we'll be able to nobble them all...

Clippy Mat said...

I'll come back when you're sober.
;-)

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: see you in the New Year then...

Rol said...

I feel a great kinship with you now. Thank you.

But seriously, what did you really think of last night's game?

libby said...

Glad to read that not everyone is cup crazy....I can take it or leave it...but still remember the stunned silence and dreadful looks I received in the office when it was announced that London was getting the olympics and I was the only one who did'nt cheer...in fact I said something like 'oh great something else that is going to cost me money but will not interest or be of use to me' and you would have thought I'd owned up to strangling kittens or something...Hello my name is Libby and I don't like sport..sorry about that.

Fran said...

Didn't notice you mentioning the World Cup once in your world-cup-free zone post.

the fly in the web said...

So there's going to be one oasis of sanity, then...

Old Cheeser said...

It seems the non-footie fans are coming out in droves! Hoorah! And you know I'm with you on this one, Steve...

Steve said...

Rol: now? Now?? I've always thought of you as a brother.

As for the match... I thought Pelé played really well. But that first conversion was as dodgy as hell.

Libby: I'm with you sister! Hey - I'm getting quite an extended family here. The Olympics leaves me cold. As does Wimbledon (unless it's related to the Wombles). Rugby league. Golf. Swimming. Athletics. In fact any sport that involves balls of any kind - manufactured or biological.

Fran: the technical term is ellipsis.

The fly in the web: at least one. You're all welcome to use this watering hole for as long as you like. Just take your litter with you. ;-)

Steve said...

OC: hurrah! Another one for the non-sporty team! Let's shove that shiny World Cup where the sun doesn't shine together!

Hey - maybe we could televise it and turn it into a tournament that other countries could compete in?

Gappy said...

Read an extremely amusing tweet the other night. Went something like this:

'There is apparently a new cure for sexual dysfunction that desperate men are turning to in their droves. You simply attach a white flag with a red cross on it to your car.'

Only of course it was a lot more succinct than that. Ahem. Perhaps you had to be there...

Steve said...

Gappy: so that's what those flags mean. I just thought there was a lot of volunteer paramedics on the roads...!

Kelloggsville said...

I've been walking the dogs a lot. Last night about 8pm it was bliss. I saw 5 cars, 1 motorbike and 2 youths (ironically stealing flags off cars). It was wonderful quite and I had the fields all to myself. Long live the World Cup I say and everybody elses interest in it. I plan to go shopping whenever the next game is :0)

Michelle said...

Fab, we are a no football house too. My hubbie was starting to think he was the only man alive you does not like football! I joined the sweepstake at work in the hope of winning £40, so come on Spain! lmoa Mich x

Steve said...

Michelle: by my reckoning there is more of "us" then there is of "them"... we're just quieter about it. ;-)

Kellogsville: I guess every cloud has a silver lining... suburban wildlife must be having a field day (literally).

Löst Jimmy said...

Was there a game on last night?

;)

Besides, I'm on the wrong side of the border to ever mention England matches...

Steve said...

Löst Jimmy: the right side of the line for my money. I may come and join you just to get away from all these stupid red cross flags. Saw a car today decked out with 4 of them! 4! Anymore and it would have been a carnival float.

missbehaving said...

Leaves me cold too. The only person interested in this house is 13 yr old daughter, how very unfortunate that matches aren't on until 11pm or something.

Vicky said...

Yipee another World Cup Free Zone! And I am with you on Wimbleton, unless the Wombles are wombling don't give a rats.

Steve said...

MissBehaving: I doubt they're worth staying up late for!

Vicky: apparently Uncle Bulgaria has an incredible forehand smash...

Being Me said...

You are not alone. My brothers and father would rather lose sleep - or set their alarms and get up to watch it live, for we are usually middle of the night here in Sthn Hem - than miss the "action" (loosely quoted there).

I love The Simpsons ep where two commentators are describing the same state of play and one is bored and flat, but the other makes it sound sooooooo interesting. And that was the best illustration I've seen *oh... boom-tish!* of the difference between fanatics and "the rest of us".

Steve said...

Being Me: I've never ever felt the passion for football. When I was a kid maybe I caught a brief glimpse of it during World Cup seasons... but only because of the carnival atmosphere that seemed to exist during the summer. The football itself meant nothing to me. It still doesn't. Not worth losing sleep - or money - over.

French Fancy said...

And there was me thinking I was the luckiest person in the world to be married to a man who cares not one jot for football. And now I find he is not alone - there are at least two of you lovely lovely men out there who think these men running around kicking a ball is the most boring thing in the world.

We are also a world cup free zone (and I won't even give it capital letters)

Steve said...

FF: nope, we are a noble if rare breed. We exist in every sphere of society - well, not the neanderthal end of it obviously. I look forward to a statue being erected in our honour sometime soon. We'll always walk alone - and be proud of it!

lunarossa said...

Husband, son and daughter here at home are all football crazy so it is almost impossible for me to avoid the World Cup! I don't mind it terribly, what I don't like are the flags on the cars and the drunken fans around town. I like sports and I like watching them too. What I detest are extremes and I think all the hype around the World Cup is a huge 'extreme'. Also the money involved is totally absurd. Said that, I will be watching the Italian matches! Never done it when I was still in Italy but now I live in the UK I feel a sort of duty! Ciao. A.

Joe Bloggs said...

Total world class K.O. style, Steve - I like the way you've tackled this overblown bread'n'circus event and got to the root -

"It is a money-making, media blitzing, marketeer's wet-dream that benefits only the very few."

Steve said...

Lunarossa: you are, of course, right. It's not the World Cup competition itself that is the problem but the behaviour of some of the so-called fans. Boorishness is never attractive, especially coming from a beered-up, beer bellied, ruddy faced, overweight oaf who'd die if he even tried to put on a pair of football shorts let alone kick a football. It's a real shame that this is the type of person who seems to inhabit every town centre pub whenever a football match is scheduled...

Joe: as I type my team of spin doctors are already drafting plans to create a T-shirt featuring the slogan, a mega national leaflet drop, a television ad campaign and a brand of perfume that will be advertized by Keeley Hawes.

EmmaK said...

I never met an English guy who could admit he wasn't into the world cup - so kudos to you for coming out of the closet on this. Would be interested what does get you in a lather though, does the Eurovision song contest get you going for example? My husband is obsessed with the world cup so I have gotten into it to some extent, also there is the added treat of ogling some world class abs.

Extra Ordinary Me said...

Just come hang out in the U.S. - people here don't care about the world cup either.

Steve said...

Emma: when it comes to Eurovision I'd much rather watch the World Cup. What gets me into a lather? Imperial Leather. ;-)

Extra Ordinary Me: so, the land of the sane as well as the free?

Gina said...

Tee hee. Well this is the only blog on my Reader to have written about the World Cup. I mean "not written" about it.

I am fairly indifferent. I didn't watch the game. I went out to dinner with some friends and it was lovely and quiet out.

I am not anti it at all and I would probably watch if I were in and there was nothing else on.

But I hate those stupid flags.

Steve said...

Gina: I absolutely loathe those flags but at the same time I have a sneaky admiration for the guy who came up with the idea... he must be coining it in. Smart man. I hate him.

Previously (Very) Lost in France said...

Steve -I consider it my patriotic duty NOT to support that useless bunch of overpaid, overly breakable bunch of donkeys. Apparently when Steve Gerrard was asked on Radio 1 what his favourite cheese was, he said 'melted cheese'. Kinda sums it up. As I was driving home I saw a car with SIX flags on it. Nearly cracked my teeth I was gritting them so much. Keep it free!

Steve said...

Previously (Very) Lost in France: melted cheese? I'm surprised he didn't say Dairylea. And as for old 6 flags... OK. Some of these people need to be taken out of the gene pool. I'm gonna get me a shotgun.

Mark said...

Catching up after time away. Read your other posts too but rushing too much for comments.

I was delighted when my favourite pub put up a huge sign that reads 'FOOTBALl FREE ZONE!'

Now that's niche marketing.

Steve said...

Mark: what's the betting they do a roaring trade...?

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Here, here! They earn too much bloody money if you ask me. But better not to ask me unless you want to hear me rant. And rant, and rant.

CJ xx

Steve said...

Crystal Jigsaw: feel free to rant away... I think you'll be surprised by how many other voices join you!

Owen said...

I'm not sure what you are going on about here, what is the World Cup ???

Steve said...

Owen: I think it is some kind of holy grail that inspires ridiculously religious fervour in all who quest after it.

Anonymous said...

Here is the emergency world cup scores update for which your blog-post was obviously a coded plea Steve! enjoy!
south africa 1-1 mexico
uruguay 0-0 france
south korea 2-0 greece
argentina 1-0 nigeria
england 1-1 usa
algeria 0-1 slovenia
serbia 0-1 ghana
germany 4-0 australia
netherlands 2-0 denmark
japan 1-0 cameroon
italy 1-1 paraguay
new zealand 1-1 slovakia
ivory coast 0-0 portugal

Steve said...

Anonymous: you are a sad and frighteningly obsessive individual.