I saw an amazing news item on the TV yesterday evening.
It seems that the new up-and-coming sport of choice for those with more money than brain cells is Cage Fighting.
Basically two muscle pimped meatheads are locked into a caged circular arena where, using whatever martial arts techniques they have at their disposal – boxing, kick boxing, karate, judo, finger-painting – they attempt to knock seven shades of custard out of each other. The last man standing (not necessarily with both legs attached) is proclaimed the winner.
It’s brutal. It’s blood thirsty. It’s barbaric.
And tickets for a recent bout of this event at Wembley went for £500 a go.
From what I can see it’s basically no-rules-barred fist fighting. One tiny step away from a fully fledged gladiatorial contest.
The audience were grotesque. Rich men in Saville Row suits and women in catwalk originals baying for blood and a good maiming. If these are the “in people” I’m happy to be counted out.
A spokesman for the sport attempted to justify it by painting it in a much nobler light.
It’s not just about the violence, he said. It’s about the various disciplines involved and the positive mental attitude.
Oh well. That makes it all alright then.
As soon as I have tracked this man down I’m going to break into his house, terrorize his family and steal all of his possessions.
I know it sounds like a callous and violent criminal act but please respect the immense discipline involved in carrying out this endeavour and the tremendous positive mental attitude I’m having to adopt in order to get myself through it.
Last of the noble savages, me.
I’ll be selling tickets to this event on eBay. £500 a shot if anybody’s interested?