Friday, August 10, 2007

Shameless Plug

In an example of totally shameless plugging I hearby present an excerpt from the current home page of my personal web site, Pocketropolis:


Mobility scooter gangster grannySo there I am walking along the main shopping thoroughfare of my own home town when suddenly the crowds part like some sort of Biblical miracle (the parting of the chav sea) and with an awful demonic whirr a shape both diabolical and familiar approaches my terrified form at a speed which must surely induce immediate suffocation in its rider. Amid the red and chrome glint of this monstrous beast I perceive a weapon of perverse shape and engineering aimed inexplicably at my quivering heart. I have a split second to dive out of the way and with the adrenalin still pounding in my ears I hit the carpet of the Pound Shop to my left as this pavement behemoth trundles blindly passed without even a by-your-leave or a thank you. As I pick myself up and wander dazedly back out into the sunlight I watch as other poor pedestrians are likewise terrorized by this path hog. Not content with owning a mobility scooter built like a Chieftain Tank, it’s driver has also seen fit to attach a pair of crutches to it in such a way that the vehicle is now equipped with a pair of state-of-the-art lances. I strongly suspect that this scooter also had full mine laying capacity and side mounted scud missile launchers beneath the seat but due to the speed of its acceleration I really can’t say for certain...The rest of the article can be read via Pocketropolis.co.uk.

Thank you for your kind attention.

9 comments:

Janete Cabral said...

Hi Steve!

Those beasts are definetely scary! I love your writing, the wit and sarcasm...I can only imagine.

By the way, I finished watching the first series of Rome...and just as you said, it was very addictive. I am still waiting for the second series to premiere here...can't wait! I will re read your posts once I see it :)

The trip is going well...just thought I would check in briefly...Take care :)

TimeWarden said...

Perhaps mobility scooters are an attempt to cut down... on carbon emissions?!

Or, perhaps this was an attempt to encourage people to spend more thriftily... by having them frequent Poundland?!!

Or... perhaps they were just shooting a chase sequence for the next James Bond movie?!!!

Steve said...

Hi Janete - many thanks for stopping by during your trip; hope you're having a great time. I'm looking forward to seeing some photos!

The second series of Rome was even better in my humble opinion. Karen and I are still very disappointed and mystified that they're not making a third series.

Hi TimeWarden, the thought of Sean Connery doing a 007 film in a mobility scooter tickles me pink! He could even have a gadget laden colostomy bag. How cool would that be?

Er. Yes. You're probably right. Not very!

MOTHER OF MANY said...

Being disabled, complete with wheelchair(my daughter also has a wheelchair
though we call it the buggy),surprisingly 'certain' disabled people piss me off
too. To me people with disabilities are different , not special but thankfully
most disabled people realise that. A lot of the people who cause the problems
are people who have got to the stage in their lives when they cannot walk as
far as they used to be able to and are able to use a scooter to get around more
easily. Years ago these facilities were not available but thankfully they now
are but people do take advantage.
I hate the 'disability police', who tend to be either the carers or the scooter-
users (NEVER younger disabled people), who hang around the disability parking
areas. They are always watching to see who isn't really disabled and it is the
thrill of their day to bitch about those they think shouldn't be in the parking
bays. How can they tell those with heart conditions? How can they tell
conditions that allow only limited mobility? How can they always tell learning
disabilities? I don't care who parks in disability bays, it's not my business
to question those who feel they need to use it.
One day I was getting out of the car with Beauty and her 'buggy' and an elderly
scooter user and her carer came hurtling at me on her scooter demanding WHY I
WAS PARKED IN A DISABILITY SPACE, to which I shouted back DO YOU WANT ME TO
GIVE HER BACK AS SHE ISN'T PERFECT?
Her carer was mortified and made her move as quickly as possible.

Steve said...

Hi Ally, thank you for your contribution. It's a thorny subject all round and I did think long and hard before giving it my usual flippant treatment... but I decided a debate could only be healthy. At the end of the day you're right. If more people minded their own business and were less nastily officious the world would be a much happier place. I think it's great that so much has been done to improve the standing of differently abled people but also recognise that too much more is yet to be done. Respect for all people is the key though and needs to go both ways, especially where safety is concerned. I hope my piece didn't come over as a rant against differently abled people - it was a rant against inconsiderate people whatever their physical/social ability. I think you illustrate a useful point: it is often the few who spoil it for the many. I'm glad you stick up for yourself and give it back! Good for you!

Brad Williams said...

I think mobility scooter is a good thing it makes our life little bit easier. And its also useful in our daily routines like going for market. Also Mobility Scooters is very useful for elderly and physically disabled people.

Steve said...

Hi Brad. You talk as if you have a vested interest in mobility scooters. Also as if you sell them and want to hijack my blog in order to do so.

If that's the case can I just say that mobility scooters are crap and kill small babies and I have photographic proof of this.

Sunnie yunk said...

I all the time emailed this website post page to all my friends, because if like to read it then my friends will too.
Mobility Scooters

Steve said...

Sunnie Yunk: me probably love you long time.