Monday, December 17, 2007

The Heat Is Off

As I commence my last week at work before a much needed Christmas break the building naturally goes into complete maintenance meltdown.

No heating.

No humidity control (essential for the safe storage of art objects).

No external emergency lighting.

Broken hand driers in the public toilets (this one makes Joe Public kill).

Dead rats in the basement.

Faulty doors.

Roof leaks.

And I’ve just eaten my last chocolate on the office communal advent calendar (I am officially panicking).

Any hope I had of a nice easy week – a nice slow, downhill cruise toward festive holidaydom – has gone completely out the window. Along with the last of the building’s residual heat.

And naturally all the contractors and engineers who normally bail us out of these sorts of problems are reluctant to do so this close to Christmas because they too are wanting to have a nice easy, downhill cruise toward their Christmas breaks and don’t want to be immersed up their necks in major (probably irresolvable) works that will keep them away from their last minute Christmas shopping and their early finish on Friday prior to hitting the pubs for a session of festive quaffing.

Gits.

To quote the Pogues...

Merry Christmas my arse.

15 comments:

Reluctant Blogger said...

scumbags and maggots,the lot of them eh?

At least you do have heating usually. The ZICER building is supposed to be state of the art, environmentally friendly - I'm sure it is, but it is effing cold all winter and sweltering all summer. And no-one ever fixes anything because nothing was built to break!

Should you have eaten that chocolate already?

Steve said...

No RB, I'm suspecting I should have been a lot more frugal with the Cadbury's... I may have to dash out and get in an emergency medicinal supply.

Thank you for your description of the Zicer building. It sounds remarkably like the place where I work... only rather than being a state of the art building we house art. And no-one ever fixes anything here because it usually leads to a whole new can of worms being opened. Now that we've fixed that it's made this other thing breakdown... etc.

MOTHER OF MANY said...

Well I suppose you can be glad the rats are dead..... but then again WHAT KILLED THEM?
I think it is definitely time to go out and buy a tin of Quality Street or Roses!

The Sagittarian said...

Hang on, be right back after I've got in my supply of SUNBLOCK!

Steve said...

The rats were killed by a zealous young pest control officer who undertook his duties like he was following a religion. Very scary. One dead rat so far. The Christmas massacre has begun.

Cadbury's Heroes now on standby.

Steve said...

Amanda, you have a penchant for tormentativeness that is both breathtaking and strangely admirable. ;-)

Old Cheeser said...

Actually I think it's "Merry Xmas YOUR arse" but I'm probably just being pedantic now.

Grrr, sorry to hear about the heating problems, what a bummer of a time for this to happen! Damn the builders' reluctance, get them to sort out the problem NOW! (And if they refuse, just ring them up and yell "You scumbags, you maggots..." down the phone. Or accuse them of being Dr Who fans. That really IS an insult).

The Poet Laura-eate said...

At least Facilities Management is a good several rungs up the evolutionary ladder from HR!

Glad the emergency choccies are on standby Steve. You'll have to get some tots of rum in too until heating fixed. :-)

Old Cheeser said...

And looking at the title of your post, I think you should arrange for Glenn Frey to come schoooozying into your work place singing "The Heat is OFF!!" at the top of his voice.

Not.

Steve said...

OC, you are, of course, absolutely right. It IS your arse not my arse. I hang my head in shame. But full marks to you for spotting it! And thanks for namedropping Glenn Frey. When I came up with the title of the post that song immediately leapt into my head but I couldn't for the life of me think who the singer was... now I can sleep easier at nights. If Tom will let me that is. He still likes his 4am feed...

Thanks Laura... another useful reminder! Rum! How remiss of me. I need to make an emergency visit to the offie...! Though I must say the beverage of choice for yours truly is whiskey...

Matthew Rudd said...

I hate hand driers. If ever someone was going to wipe their hands on their jeans, thereby reversing the effect of delousing them at the basin in the first place, it's when there's a low-powered drier on offer.

Give me one of those roll down towel things any day.

Steve said...

Matthew I have to say that I agree with you. A rollertowel is a far superior drying device. It never breaks down, doesn't deafen you and never to my knowledge shrivels the skin from your hands like a paint stripper because it's temperature diff switch has suddenly malfunctioned...

Old Cheeser said...

Sooo glad to be of assistance!

Rol Hirst said...

Do what I do. Just put on an extra jumper.

Steve said...

Rol, the entire building needs a jumper... one of those awful chunk-knit ones with a big hand stitched reindeer on the front.