Sunday, December 02, 2007

True Romance

Lucy Griffiths as Maid MarianRobin finally girded his Lincoln green loins in last night’s episode of Robin Hood and asked Marian to marry ‘im.

His carefully prepared speech whooshed and veritably twanged with romance.

He basically compared Marian to his Saracen bow. Doh! Why didn’t I think of that when I popped the question to my wife three years ago?

Apparently when Robin first held his bow he just knew, right, that it felt RIGHT. And Marian was exactly the same.

Yes. I can appreciate the analogy. She has curves in all the right places. It takes patience and strength to pull her properly – and if you do it incorrectly you’re in danger of losing one of your most essential digits. She must be brought to the right level of heightened tension before she can achieve the ultimate release. And I dare say she’ll hum rather tunefully when Robin fires off his heavy tipped long range arrows.

Unfortunately Robin will have to wait a while to consummate the partnership as, though Marian has said yes, it’s under the proviso that he foils a plot to kill the King, defeats the Sheriff and brings good King Richard back home safely to give her away.

Typical toff bird. Can’t be satisfied with a nice encrusted ring hoiked off the end of a Bishop’s finger, oh no. She has to set the bar so high Robin may as well shoot at the moon. The poor boy’s forest green togs must be turning blue with frustration.

No wonder he keeps fingering his quiver.

16 comments:

Tristan said...

Let's hope Robin's acronystic Gap wardrobe also incorporates modern stain-resistant fabrics, as well as zips and pop-studs...

Steve said...

Indeed. And let's hope Marian's features heavy use of velcro, stilettos, Italian leather and see-thru eezee-kleen PVC... all in ye olde Medievel style of course...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Don't you think you might be taking this a mite too seriously Steve?

Steve said...

Who? Me?!

Perish the thought.

;-)

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

By this time, the siege engine was all the rage. If Robin had had his wits about him, he'd just build a couple of siege engines, burn down nottingham's castle, steal marion and quaff mead to his heart's delight. But then that would only make for one episode.

I actually fancy Guy myself, although they don't pronounce it properly - it should be pronounced Gee with a hard G as in Gap. Not Guy as in Guy Fawkes. Actually, he was probably Gee too. French tossers. Sacre bleu!

MOTHER OF MANY said...

A Tiffany ring would do it for me!

per.pri said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......!

*catches breath*

SO funny! Just love it.

Steve, please never stop (even if you have taken it too far), you provide me with many laughs.

Brilliant.

:D

Steve said...

Many thanks for dropping by Mermaid, I shall take a dip into your blog as soon as I am able... interesting fact about Gee of Gisbourne. I actually prefer it to Guy which (nowadays at least) has yuppie connotations. I know of quite a few ladies who fancy our Gee. I think it's the leather. And the Spandau Ballet look. And the accent. By 'eck.

Ally, given the anachronistic nature of the show it wouldn't surprise me in the least if Robin whips out a nice Tiffany ring sometime in the future. Or even something distasteful from H. Samuel.

Thank you, per.pri - you've made my day. I always write about the show with a slight feeling of guilt and embarrassment as I know that most of my readers couldn't give a toss about it... just when I think I've exhausted my mine of jokes and double entendres the BBC produce yet another corking episode and I'm inspired all over again. It is worrying though how this ever so slightly crap show monopolizes my weekend blogging... ;-)

The Hitch said...

Mermaid of Moorgate said...
By this time, the siege engine was all the rage. If Robin had had his wits about him, he'd just build a couple of siege engines, burn down nottingham's castle,


Now this is why you cant keep a man, setting fire to our houses tends to really p*** us of
that and stapeling us.

The Hitch said...

stapling

Steve said...

Stapling?!?!

There, I suspect, hangs one hell of a tale...

The Hitch said...

steve
the lady likes to staple men
or just staple anything, apart from her mick hucknal lookalike cat

Steve said...

Say no more, my friend, say no more... ;-)

Andrew Glazebrook said...

Has anybody worn a pair of medieval shades in this show yet, from what I've seen of it Into the Labyrinth was more historically accurate :)

The Sagittarian said...

Oh lawdy ms clawdy, are we deprived or depraved down here? i dunno...haven't seen any of that yet but I am certainly looking forward to it! girded loins or no.
Gee, it looks like fun-guy....

Steve said...

Andrew, no medievel shades but we have had cowboy hats and duster coaters reminiscent of Pale Rider... I kid you not!

Amanda - you're deprived at the moment but gird your loins to be depraved when series 2 reaches you. Actually, that's just building you up to a big disappointment. It's a family show after all. I have to hold up my hands and admit that all the perviness is (un)purely mine...