Monday, February 11, 2008

Bin Thief

I realize that this event in no way compares to happenings elsewhere over the weekend – oil rig bomb threats and fires in Camden, etc – but it has riled me nonetheless.

Last Thursday the local council delivered to all its district householders green bins for the recycling of garden waste. Karen and I were pleased because (a) we like to think we’re pretty green minded anyway and (b) we’ve got a shedload of chopped brambles and cuttings that need disposing of.

Late Thursday night – within hours of the bin being delivered – it was stolen by a zealous gardener of unknown identity... though I believe in this case this particular Monty Don favoured certain varieties of hop as opposed to hyacinths and hollyhocks.

The next morning, on finding I’d been the victim of a bin-napping, I was rather gobsmacked and more than a little annoyed. Everybody in the entire town is getting a bin. Everybody! So why go to all that trouble to nick one?

To make it worse I naturally rang the council, explained what had happened and requested a replacement bin if at all possible. I was told it was indeed possible but they could only replace the bin provided I gave them a police crime incident number first.

Yes.

I had to ring the police, ask them to halt all their ongoing murder enquiries, report that my new bin was stolen, get a crime number from the disbelieving police officer and then ring the council straight back with it.

Aside: ringing the police took two attempts as the first time I rang I was told they were all at lunch and could I please ring back after 2pm?

Oh how I love the country England is turning into.

I hope the life of whoever has stolen our bin provides them with enough crap for them to make good use of it.

I am now off to the doctors. I woke up with an eye infection today – gummy eye and blurred vision.

I am not in a good mood.

15 comments:

Reluctant Blogger said...

Awww poor you. Are you sure the bin isn't still there, and you just haven't seen it? Imagine what a plonker you would feel if the police actually turned up to investigate and asked you to show them exactly where the bin had been and you pointed - and it was still there.

When you get the next bin, decorate it in some of that horrid paper you can get to make bins look more "pretty" - no-one will steal it then (plus you would find it easier to see).

Take care of yourself, Steve - you've had a lot of bugs lately which probably means you have been trying to do too much.

Gina x

EmmaK said...

Mysterious that someone stole your bin. It must have been some very keen recycler who had twice as much stuff to recycle as a normal person. It is a very sad day for Britain that you will have to chain your recycling bin to a lamp post (actually you can't because the bin men won't be able to lift it). What are you going to do to prevent it being stolen again apart from smearing it in cow shit to hope that puts the thief off?

Andrew Glazebrook said...

We had our wheely bin stolen once, the day before we noticed that the wheel had fallen off one side, so when the bin vanished minus a wheel we thought someone at our local council was so on their toes that they'd been and taken it and were sending another. But how would they even know it was broken we thought, do they have microchips inside to say "Hey my wheel has fallen off, come quickly and replace me" Anyway we phoned the council and got another one sent, why they stole ours with one wheel missing has always puzzled me, it must have been a sod to drag along !!

I had a gummy eye this morning, I won't tell you which one but the Doctor said stop looking at those tarty women pics that Bloggertropolis and Timewarden keep posting on their blogs and it'll go away ! :)

The Sagittarian said...

Hey, bin thieves are evrywhere, you may have uncovered a global conspiracy...our recycle bins got knicked regularly, like in your area they are free. So, off we trotted tot eh council, we had a form or three to fill in and then we got our new bin...the next time it happened they just took our phone number and handed over a new bin. Then I found out we could get an extra bin for free so I went in and got that one, no forms to fill in..nothing! Go figure. We now have 3 bins because someone left their broken bin at our gate.

Steve said...

At the moment, Gina, I can hardly see the garden path let alone the possibility of any bins - a bad case of conjunctivitis; something I've not has since I was a kid. I've got one eye completely gummed up and the other on the way... am considering not going into work today as a consequence. So every cloud has a silver lining!

Emma, I have a nasty feeling that if the bin thief is an over enthusiastic gardener then smearing a new bin in cow shit will only render it all the more attractive. It's very good for the roses apparently.

Andrew, yes I've just been to TimeWarden's blog myself. It was quite a strain to see anything clearly but well worth the effort. If a gummy eye is the cost, I'm willing to pay.

Amanda, I do wonder if there's a blackmarket for plastic bins. Not in this country obviously as they're all free and we'd be too tight to pay for one... but maybe even now my bin is being secretly shipped out to some Eastern block country? Possibly tied beneath the chassis of a juggernaut and smuggled over the Czech border? I hope it ends up with a good life and not forced into slave labour and prostitution...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Sounds like he suffered from green eye while you were suffering from pink eye!

Joking aside, I hope they catch the rotten rotter soon. Too right Blighty's going to the dogs if a man can't leave his bin out unmolested.

My re-cycling bin came without a lid which is really annoying, but sadly so did all my neighbours' so no point nicking one! :-)

Rol Hirst said...

So we all know the best time to do a bank job in your area. Lunchtimes are go!

Steve said...

Pink eye? Laura, it's definitely the ol' red eye at the moment. I could make a horrible anology but I won't...

Rol, it's safe to say that Gene Hunt does not patrol the streets of Leamington Spa...

The Sagittarian said...

Actually, that reminds me of a (bad) joke...an Aussie woke up to a furious knocking on his door, opening it he was confronted with a council worker. "Where's ya bin?" the council fella demanded. The Aussie shrugged and shuffled his feet. "Dunno what you mean?"
CW _ "Where's ya bin?"
Aussie - "On holiday in the Bahamas?"
CW - "Don't be funny, mate. Where's ya wheelie bin?"
Aussie - "OK, ok, in jail alright!"

TimeWarden said...

Tarty women? Tarty women?!! I'll have you know, Andrew, I post only the most fashionable of ladies on my blog...

most of the time...

well, eight times out of ten, seven, okay five times out of ten.

I did post rather too many pictures of Catherine Tate the Christmas before last but you can rest assured that it won't happen again.

Hope your eyes clear up soon, Steve, as I have some even better pics of Alyson Hannigan I was thinking of posting that you might also enjoy... Problem is finding something sensible to say to go with them!

Steve said...

Amanda, that's awful. Wheelie made me laugh though - thank you!

TimeWarden, where Alyson Hannigan is concerned, sensible words are really unnecessary... no need to gild the lilly!

Annie said...

Is it just YOUR bin that has been stolen? Have you upset anyone lately? Only kidding.
Sorry to hear about the eye infection. Hope the rest of the family are OK

Steve said...

Hi Annie, as far as I can tell it was just our bin that was hijacked in the night. The neighbours were all (smugly I thought) showing off their new bins the next day without any thought for our loss...

Family all ok thanks - tired and full of cold, but ok! :-)

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Depends on the type of bin, and the normal location of the bin, but you could always superglue a metal plate (15 gauge)to the underside of the handle and wire it into the mains overnight.

Bin owner 1, Bin Thief 0.

Steve said...

At last! Some real practical advice!