Thursday, April 17, 2008

Arsebook

Following a justified dig at online social networking utilities by Rol over at Sunset Over Slawit yesterday I’ve misspent valuable work time this morning thinking up the perfect antidote.

I’d like to patent the idea for an antisocial networking utility which would function along the same lines as Facebook except that instead of trying to accrue loads of friends onto your web profile the goal would be to lose as many as possible. A possible name for this online service could be Arsebook (which, ahem, has a certain ring to it). I’m sure somebody out there could come up with a suitably pert little logo and even build and manage the site for me... cos I really can’t be arsed.

Members can accrue arse points each time they lose an online friend – and maybe earn extra arse points if they actually lose a real life friend that they’ve actually met in the real physical world? You could also install various apps onto your profile page designed to snub, insult and drive away all the other members who are there solely to pimp their band, homemade porno pics, terrorist training camps, etc. And there could be a status box where you could type in the current state of your arseyness at regular intervals of the day so that any other Arsebook member happening across your profile will know that you are flying the flag of arsedom and are to be added to their ever growing list of non-online-friends. Arsetastic!

Personally I think it’s a winner.

By the way, for those of you who have read this far: this is my 300th post. Send the Moet to the usual address please, barman...

25 comments:

Reluctant Blogger said...

Congrats on your 300th post and also on having such a splendid idea. I think this could really take off.

I've never used Facebook but I think Arsebook could be right up my street/down my alley or whatever the phrase is. I have an innate talent for being Arsey and would love the opportunity to offload a few people who consider themselves to be friends - I guess we'd lose the "r" on ArseBook though, wouldn't we = not in Arse I mean in "friends".

Patent it quick.

Steve said...

Hey Gina, my 300th post and you're my first Arsebook customer; not that I'd want to add you to my non-friends list mind you but you'd be welcome on the non-fiends list! ;-) I really can't believe I've produced 300 posts since I began this 'ere blog. Lord knows how many words that is. I guess my blog is no longer a child but is now... what? Doesn't quite feel like a man. A moody teen perhaps? Yeah. I could live with that. A moody, stroppy teen. Oh what fun!

TimeWarden said...

What a way to celebrate, by using arse as many times as possible! ;-)

I'm not that keen on repeated words, to be honest, whatever they may be, but I think you pulled this one off, Steve!!

Congraciarse and all that... Opening the Mo√ęt even as we speak... Chin-chin young man, or should that be cheeky-cheeky? Bottoms up!!!

Steve said...

An accolade indeed TimeWarden, sir... bottoms up it is!

-eve- said...

Pretty good idea! I think LOTS of people would take to it... LOL... although some might get so arsed that they might stay off the site ;-)

Steve said...

Too true Eve - but that's almost the idea! ;-)

Inchy said...

Count me in.

Steve said...

Yer a good man, Inchy!

Daisy said...

300 wow!...are your fingers tired? i like the idea of arsebook and i know who i would invite...i wouldn't tell you my name because i couldn't be crude to you and wouldn't want you to see how i can be when i am really in my arseyness (we are making up arse words right)...
anyway i would subscribe...if not for any other reason than to piss in someone else's easter basket for a change...

The Sagittarian said...

Bottoms up! 300 bottoms eh? Well done.

Steve said...

Daisy, my fingers are very tired... I can barely give my boss the finger anymore (behind his back)! Nice to know I'd have at least one customer! ;-)

Thanks Amanda, as you say: 300 posts. That's a lot of arse.

Old Cheeser said...

Belatedly - great idea, Steve and yes you should patent it! It would make a great p*sstake version of Facebook anyway, although the potentially negative side is that could probably lead to people doing lots of nasty and abusive things and getting extremely carried away!

If I had a little more time I'd offer to do the website for you, cos since completing my web course last year, I haven't done anything with it, ahem...I need something new to sink my teeth into...a nice, juicy arse...right we'll stop right there...

And congratulations on your 300th post! Oddly enough I am approximately 2-3 posts away from reaching the same total, although given my now part-time status it will probably be December by the time I reach the big 3-0-0! Well done to you anyway, I've enjoyed reading all your musings to date and you are certainly an accomplished writer.

Steve said...

Thank you OC - hopefully if RTD can pull some class episodes out of the bag you'll be inspired to hit the big 3-0-0 a lot sooner than you think! I enjoyed the Ood story last night but didn't think it was amazing. A bit of a series "filler". Nice to see Captain Darling playing a more sinister role though! Care for a liquorice allsort?

You're right regarding Arsebook - great as a jokey idea but the reality would be grotesque, cruel and open to much abuse... maybe I ought to leave it to gather dust on the shelf for a while longer?

If you want an idea for a web site why not one devoted to you DW episode reviews? Maybe accept submissions from others? You must have a wealth of written material that you could lift straight from your blog...? Why not give RTD a run for his money?

Flaming Nora said...

Well done on your 300th post. How's the novel coming on? How can I sign up for the anti-social online pasting website thingamejig?

Steve said...

Thank you kindly, Nora. Novel progressing nice and steadily - just under 120,000 words at present: I estimate about another 80,000 to go. If the site ever gets up and running you'll be one of the first in the queue for a free sign-up! ;-)

Inchy said...

Well done Steve, yer a good lad.

Steve said...

My heartfelt thanks to the Scottish contingent - cheers Inchy!

Reluctant Blogger said...

I tagged you, Steve - but only do it if you feel like it.

Gina

Steve said...

I'm always up for a good tagging (especially if I can't think of anything else to write) - I'll head over to your wonderful blog now and have a look-see!

Rol said...

Sign me up!

Imagine - a website where I can treat people JUST like I do at work...

(Happy 300.)

Steve said...

Thanks Rol, for your congratulations and for the inspiration... Arsebook could well be my best ever invention and I owe it all to you. I'll go 70 / 30 on the royalties if you like.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Arsetastic! I have far too many 'friends'

Congrats indeed on your 300th post.

Steve said...

Thank you, Laura - nice to see you back! ;-)

Rol said...

Is that 70 / 30 in my favour?

You do know my girlfriend's a solicitor...?

Steve said...

In that case Rol, you do realize you'll never see a penny no matter which way we cut it...?