Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Blurgh

5 hours sleep.

5 hours sleep.

And possibly that will be considered a good night at some not too distant point in the future.

Yes Tom’s sleep training has begun in earnest. He’s well recovered from his recent bout of gastro-nastiness and so Karen and I have decided that it’s high time we stopped pegging our eyes open with matchsticks and started getting a decent night’s sleep. We can’t go on as we are – lumbering about like one legged dinosaurs with absinthe hangovers. We’re lurching from one illness to the next due to the fact our batteries are not so much run down as slumped into a state of negative energy.

We need to sleep.

Enough’s enough.

And at nearly 6 months Tom is old enough now to go through the night. He just needs to be persuaded.

Sadly PowerPoint presentations leave him cold at the moment so all we can offer him is cold turkey. Last night he woke just after 11.00 – just as Karen and I were dropping off to sleep in fact – and then proceeded to howl and kick his cot like a miniature Hulk for a good 2 hours until exhaustion finally transported him to the state of beatific sleep.

No food is bad! Hulk smash! Oh alright then I’ll go to sleep. Zzzz...

He then slept through until 6.45am – a minor miracle in our house and then proceeded to chow down on his breakfast bottle like a good ‘un with not even a frown let alone a grudge. Ah bless him. So forgiving.

Karen and I estimate (possibly over optimistically) that it should take 2 weeks at the most to train him to sleep through the night. 2 weeks of sitting head heavy in the small hours of the night listening to our little marvel pitch his will against our own. 2 weeks of thinking that it might actually be worth our while booking a hotel room for the night or even flashing a police man just for a quiet night in the cells just to get some much needed sleep.

If I’m desperate I suppose I could always tie several rolls of plastecine to my waist and get myself held under the prevention of terrorism act. 28 days of howl free sleep sounds mighty fine to me. I could even cope with the plastic bag over my head and the greasy truncheon poked about my nether regions...

I’ll do whatever you want Mr Hunt, just let me sleep...!

13 comments:

The Sagittarian said...

haha, last time I heard the police cells are not a peaceful place! Hey, you can manage this buddy - you have already done six months of hard yakka so another 2 weeks (or less, come on...the wee dude is smart right?) will be a piece of cake!
Mind you, some people look better with that heavy-eyed look....

TimeWarden said...

I don't think Gene Hunt would let you sleep either! DI Drake, on the other hand, probably would!! But, then, would you wanna be sleeping on Alex's watch?!!

Steve said...

Amanda, if the heavy-eyed look ever makes it big on the catwalks you'll see me mincing along with the best of them. As you point out; the rewards are great... so we're soldiering on!

Interesting proposal TimeWarden, I'd be quite happy to stay awake all night on Alex's watch...!    ;-)

Inchy said...

Well if it makes you feel better Steve, that's quarter past ten, and I'm just out of bed!

:)

Steve said...

You're a nasty man, Inchy. ;-)

Annie said...

A game or two of Scrabulous might make you feel better (but probably not).

Mmmm, what's worse than a crying baby in the night.. let me think. There's always the child who pukes in his bed during the night and you have to change all the bed linen - that's worse I think.
There you go Steve, life ain't so bad!!!
Seriously, I do feel sorry for you and Karen.. HANG IN THERE!!
You mincing on the catwalk? I'd like to see that hehe.

Steve said...

"What's worse than a crying baby in the night...?"

Possibly me mincing on the catwalk!

Thanks for your support Annie - I feel curiously benumbed today... lack of sleep is having a strangely anaesthetic effect on me... :-S

Flaming Nora said...

In 18 years time you can embarass him with this blog post.

Steve said...

In 18 years time we'll never be able to get him out of bed before 1.30pm...

-eve- said...

Hmm, pretty good! But I dread the time when I'll be in your shoes, having to do sleep training ....:-)

Steve said...

Ah, it's all worth it in the end, Eve! Well, at least that's what Karen and I are telling each other at the moment... I'm sure in another week or two Tom will be sleeping through the night and so will we and life will seem immeasurably better again! |-)

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Nearly 6 months already? Blimey, where does the time go?

Just as well I'm not a mother as I'd be very tempted to bung Tom a whiskey dummy!

We bloggers ought to have a whip-round to buy yourself and Mrs Bloggertropolis GTi some re-chargeable batteries anyway.

Steve said...

Thanks Laura - the rechargable batteries sound a great idea. Just not sure where you'd shove them in...!