Thursday, June 19, 2008

Another Slice Anyone?

In a fatigue-induced kitchen-based accident last night yours truly very nearly sliced off the top of his middle finger with a pair of scissors.

I say “very nearly” with a degree of exaggeration.

It’s not like I sliced down to the bone or spray painted the ceiling with a 30ft blood geyser.

But it was messy. And rather stupid.

How did I do it?

Well, I was doing my bit for recycling and was attempting to deconstruct a large cardboard box. As anybody knows a few swipes with the blade of a pair of scissors is great for parting glued or sellotaped edges.

However, not so great when you get your finger caught between the two blades one of which then jams in the cardboard and, the laws of physics being what they are, pulls its companion towards it.

Remarkably there was and still is no pain.

Just a slight numbness but this could be down to the tightness of the plaster expertly administered by my wife as I held my newly grooved digit over the washing up bowl.

Karen thinks there is the possibility that I have severed a nerve (possibly hers) but I fear this sounds far too glamorous to be true.

It’s just a cut.

Received in the battle to save our dying planet.

I’m a bloody hero, me.

26 comments:

Tenon_Saw said...

Some accidents you just do not see coming. Yesterday I was showing a young passenger how to open the car window on their side; the switch is near the gear lever not on the door. On my part it was a short open-then-close-it action, just to prove it worked. But, as I closed the window, there were cries of "Oh my finger, my finger". I rapidly opened the window again. The lad had obviously put his hand through the gap as it opened; I had had my eyes on the road and did not see this; I hadn't expected him to do it. We were on the way to his drumkit exam but he soon got over the injury, luckily.

As for the environment I wonder why any of us bother. The local water company were told of a leak not far from my house over a week ago; it is still leaking.

Andrew Glazebrook said...

I think you should be honored by the Queen next year ! I'll put your name on the list !!

Inchy said...

Heroes get letters from your local Chief Constable, Steve, but as a certified hero myself, I bestow upon you the title of Hero Cadet.
You're a bit like a space cadet, but not as gullible.

Be careful out there. I might not be able to save you if you get into a life threatening situation.

Steve said...

Tenon, glad to hear your drummer survived his ordeal - I guess it would be hard to twirl a drumstick around with a finger missing though the drummer from Def Leppard seems to manage quite well with an AWOL arm!

Cheers Andrew, just as long as she doesn't want me to cut a ribbon at a supermarket opening...

Thanks Inchy, I feel honoured. If there's a name badge to go with the title is it ok if my wife sews it onto my shirts for me. I'm not so good with sharp objects...

Inchy said...

Black marker. It works for me.

TimeWarden said...

You do get into some scrapes, Steve! Good job you have an understanding wife ready to administer some TLC!!

Hope Ben enjoyed his birthday.

The Sagittarian said...

See, the reason you don't feel anything is due to your over use of your razor sharp wit. Wasn't a scissor cut at all.
However, there is a support group for people wat cut themselves with scissors. I believe they are the Scissor Sisters.
Ow!

Steve said...

Thanks TimeWarden, Ben recieved a goodly amount of Playstation games, Lego and Stormhawks toys... he seemed well chuffed!

Amanda, I don't think they'd let me join due to my superior gender... (only joking) ;-)

Rol said...

I think you've severed the femoral artery.

(I haven't a clue where the femoral artery is, I just heard it on Huse. It's probably in your neck or your gonads or something, so don't worry too much.)

Steve said...

Yeah, it's not like I use them overmuch...

lucyfishwife said...

I am no stranger to small incidents with Stanley knives while breaking up boxes - we're not just pansy-arsed till-jockeys in the book trade, oh no.(In a curiously coincidental way I was watching "Sweeney Todd" last night and have had more than enough lavish arterial spray to last me a lifetime.)

Steve said...

I'm jealous Lucy, Karen and I wanted to see the gore at the cinema but were unable to get a babysitter... I now realize I could have re-enacted the bloody scenes myself...!

Old Cheeser said...

As you're so heroic when it comes to receiving cuts, I think you should join the Dr, Donna, Martha, Rose, Capt Jack, Sarah Jane, K9 and the rest of the universe in fighting off the imminent Dalek invasion, Steve.

It's obvious you're a man of steel and strength. Perhaps you could even replace Donna as the next companion....

Inchy said...

Go for it Steve. Remember to post the clips on youtube though.

Steve said...

To tell you the truth OC, I'll be really sorry if they kill off Donna... I've kind of warmed to her and now think she's been the best companion so far. No Honestly. Even though it'll be nice to see Rose's chav cleavage bouncing perkily across the screen once again... I don't think I'd be much use against the Darleks anyway. A cardboard box managed to beat me and I was armed with a pair of scissors...

Thanks Inchy, I always wanted to get my big break in a snuff movie...

Annie said...

Next time you want to flatten a large cardboard box, stand on a stool and hurl yourself onto the box, then jump up and down on it several times - it's much for fun!

Ps. Was this ex-box large enough to play in?

Steve said...

Annie, no it originally contained a stairgate so it was tall and wide but very narrow in terms of depth... so even jumping up and down on it wouldn't have been very satisfying...! It was like a massive giant-sized pizza box. Only without the cheesy smell. Or the pepperoni.

EmmaK said...

ah, poor baby....I just jump up and down violently on cardboard boxes to flatten them, also it gets rid of my aggression against the world.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Just another fallen eco-warrier... :-)

Steve said...

Emma, I'd need a helluva lot more cardboard than one box!

Laura, I get the distinct impression you are not taking my noble injury at all seriously.

Daisy said...

recycling kills...it's all over the news...lmao

Reluctant Blogger said...

I think recycling causes more environmental damage than it saves - in terms of travel to A&E units. I have heard of so many people cutting themselves washing out tin cans, and yes, serious near-amputation type injuries like you have suffered. Then others injure their backs carrying out the recycling boxes and then have to use their cars to go to work because they can't cycle or walk. Oh I could go on . . . but luckily you for I won't.

Hope it gets better soon.

Steve said...

Daisy, right after I'd made the incision I have to say I felt very green indeed...

I've heard similar stories and complaints at work, Gina, but - to be serious for a mo - I'm quite obsessive about being green and the need to be so. On the whole recycling is a good thing... and I guess if I had lost my fingertip I could have slung it straight into the compost bin... could have had a bumper crop of spuds next year!

Inchy said...

My mate lost the tip of his finger due to stupidity.

Picture the scene.

He has just washed his motorbike.
The bike is on a stand that lifts the back wheel clear of the ground.
The engine is running, the bike is in gear.
The back wheel is spinning.

BladderHead Jamie then decides to check the tension of the drive chain that is turning the back wheel by flexing it with his index finger.

Crunch.

He now dials his phone with his thumb.

Old Cheeser said...

Lol, well most of the DW monsters are made out of cardboard boxes anyway, aren't they? (At least in Old Skool Who!) So therefore you should stand a damn good chance!

Re: Mistress Noble, I kind of agree with you. Apparently the blurb says for Episode 13 that one of the companions has to die, but they haven't of course specified whether or not it's Donna...??

And Rose's chav cleavage (nice spot of alliteration there!) makes a return appearance tonight!! Yaaaay!!

Steve said...

Inchy, now I know why I walk to work - I'm hardly likely to rip off my fingers when I change my pants...

Hi OC, I have to say I'd be sad to see Donna go. Out of all of them the one I'd miss least (though I feel mean saying it) is Martha Jones... however, I can see that maybe Catherine Tate would only want to do one series and then move on. I'll be genuinely sad if thet get rid of Donna - she's already snuffed it once: give her a break!