A few months ago I reported on a monumental act of misfeasance.
Back in February somebody stole our green recycling bin that had been newly delivered to our house by the local authority. I had to go to the police (as directed by said local authority) and fill out various reports before we could be allocated a brand new one.
All this on top of some petty thief’s criminal attempts to foil my magnificent recycling plans was too much to bear. I suffered apoplexy, hysteria and gout and was hospitalized for several months. I suffered hallucinations and wrote them down as blog entries. I was not a well bunny.
Imagine the horror then of returning home at the end of last week to find that our general refuse bin (black this time) had also been snatched.
It was gone. Just gone. Left out for the refuse team who were due to empty it that day and then stolen in the prime of its life.
In the space of a second I was on the edge of full mental collapse.
One bin goes missing and you feel – despite the annoyance – OK, just kids messing about, some drunken a-hole having a laugh as he wends his way home. But two... suddenly it feels like a vendetta. Siege mentality sets in. The hatches are battened and the big guns wheeled out.
Xenophobia and misanthropy leap to the fore. Who was it? Who was it? Is this the start of a hate campaign? Are they going to steal our car trailer next? It was our Polish neighbours, I’m sure of it. It has to be! They speak with a funny accent and own three cars... it has to be them! Or it’s the chavs up the road. Of course! All that bling... it’s a telltale sign. They’ve got our bin hidden in the boot of their bright blue BMW...
By nightfall I had drafted a scathing blog, written letters to the editor of the local rag and dictated a letter to the chief exec of the council. I even considered writing to Boris Johnson but managed to reel the wavering line of my sanity back in before I crossed that point of no return.
Imagine my surprise then when, next morning, our black bin was mysteriously back on our doorstep. They’ve all got addresses on you see and some kind soul, finding it perhaps abandoned and enfeebled by the roadside had taken the trouble to return it to the family who loved it most dearly.
What can I say? I felt a mite foolish. All that ranting and raving. All that class war mongering. All for nothing.
My faith in human nature has been totally restored. There are good people out there.
So God bless you, every single one of you. I shall think of you all every time I stuff a full refuse sack into my newly returned black bin.
I shall keep this country clean for you.
There is a corner of a foreign landfill that will be forever England.