Monday, June 09, 2008

Step On A Crack

Not sure how I’ve done it – it wasn’t through excessive physical labour, I can tell you – but I’ve woken up with a bad back this morning. Rather ironic given that the title of my last post was Slipped Discs. I’d almost laugh but it does, of course, hurt to do that.

So. Pain. It’s a weird thing. Hijacks your focus and concentration to the exclusion of all else. Burning sensations. Dull aches. Even duller throbs. My brain is like a dog with a bone. But do you think I can pinpoint it exactly? Lower back I say. Somewhere on the left side. No, my left.

Hmm. You’ll be glad to know that I’ve ruled out spinal injury of the life threatening kind. I’ve even ruled out kidney failure.

That just leaves the good ol’ fall-back position of generalized muscular damage. Probably of the minor variety. I’ve “pulled a muscle”. Or I’ve “slept funny”.

Nothing glamorous at all.

Which somehow makes all my vain attempts to walk around with a “brave face” this morning (furrowed brow, pursed lips, hound-dog eyes... the occasional wince as I walk) seem somehow incorrigibly ignoble.

But I don’t care.

I’m a man, you see. And we do this when we’re in pain.

Sympathy is our automatic due. And today I’m collecting.

17 comments:

Old Cheeser said...

Oh dear. I would say like Donna Noble, you "have something on your back", but that's kind of rubbing it in...

Steve said...

Mind you, maybe a shot of he Doctor's sonic screwdriver is just what I need?

By the way, that wasn't meant to be a euphemism. Honest.

lucyfishwife said...

Paracodol, Paracodol, Paracodol. I am not addicted or anything, but when I had an impacted wisdom tooth it was the only thing that kept me from randomly murdering passers-by.

Steve said...

I bet the wife of Peter Sutcliffe is kicking herself now...! ;-) Unfortunately what is stopping me killing passers-by is my inability to make any sudden movements. Dammit!

EmmaK said...

Sure you didn't try position 455 in the karma sutra while you were three sheets to the wind? At our age its best to stay to positions that don't put too much strain on the joints ..;)

TimeWarden said...

Sorry to hear you're in pain, Steve. Wherever you're feeling it, it's more than likely deferred from the spine.

When I sleep "funny", I usually spend the day with a stiff neck! I said neck!!

Steve said...

Emma - you mean there are different positions?!?

Hi TimeWarden, I'm dosing myself up on pain killers (which despite my low pain threshold is quite an unusual step for me - I usually like to suffer noisily) and am planning a visit to the doc's tomorrow if it persists. I know what you mean about stiff necks. I wake up with them all the time. ;-)

Reluctant Blogger said...

You'd better be careful what you call future blogposts hadn't you?

Backache is horrid - you just can't get comfortable whatever you try. I get it from time to time and the only thing that helps is moaning about it!

Hope it is better soon.

Steve said...

Hi Gina, yeah I'm thinking of composing a post called "Filthy Rich And Damned Good Looking" for tomorrow... though sadly I think it doesn't work that way! I'm still popping the pills though they don't seem to be having much effect. I'll either go to the doctor's tomorrow or acquire some morphine...

Rol said...

Don't bother going to the do0ctor. They'll just google it.

Steve said...

Your doctor knows how to work a computer?!?

(You have a do0ctor?!?)

The Sagittarian said...

Mrs Steve will have to wear flats from now on...just a suggestion.

Steve said...

Or I will...

Daisy said...

sorry about your back...i am having the same problem at the moment...even taken the past two afternoons off of work due to the pain (which is not like me at all)...i think...gulp...i'm going to have to go into the...gulp...doctor with this one...ps i hate the doctor!

Steve said...

I'm with you on that one totally, Daisy. Mine was better yesterday and this morning but is now firing up again. May have to see the ol' saw-bones myself tomorrow... :-(

MOTHER OF MANY said...

The people who made the advert that tells you if you have a bad back keep moving need to have a bad back for a week to know what bollocks they are talking!
I agree with rol, my Doctor would also just google it,dose yourself and plenty of rest is my answer.
I find that lying on a hard floor for a while also helps,be careful of the baby though. When Beauty was little she loved it when I lay on the floor and thought I was playing and would jump on me and I would be pinned down in a classic wrestling pin down move!

Steve said...

Ah Ally, plenty of rest... if only! Thankfully Tom isn't quite at the tag-team wrestling stage... but he is at the turn-around-and-he's-up-to-his-hips-in-trouble stage which is just as tiring!