I'm probably going to regret this but... well, what the hell, surely I can't be the only one. Yes, it's confession time again folks. Time to 'fess up to some idiocy that I desperately hope I share with other people in a pathetic attempt to normalise it in the first place.
Picture the scene. You're alone in an elevator. The floor you want is approaching. You know the doors are going to shush open any minute. You're all alone. Unobserved. It can't hurt, can it? Just to... you know, wave your hand in front of the door as if you were a Jedi and then have the door magically open before you. I mean, it's not like I pull my hoody up and speak in a weirdly stilted Alec Guinness voice at the same time. I don't have Star Wars posters on my bedroom wall. I don't have my religion recorded at the passport office as "Jedi" as some idiots do.
I just, you know, every now and then, get overtaken with the urge to pretend to open automatic doors purely by mind control.
It's a harmless thing really. I bet everybody does it. Or at least has done it at least once. Haven't you? Come on, admit it.
It's not a sign of illness or anything. I'm perfectly sane. Really. I never take it too far.
Well, not since my attempts to control my boss's thought processes failed miserably and I didn't get the outrageously high payrise I was asking for.
Me: "Steve is an excellent worker and deserves a payrise of monumental proportions..."
My Boss: "Steve, why are you waving you hand at me and speaking in that weird voice?"
Me: "You feel the need to give me monetary remuneration for all the crap I have to deal with at work..."
My Boss: "Do you need to speak to a first aider?"
Me (sighing): "Oh never mind. Forget I said anything."
My Boss (under his breath): "Your pathetic Jedi mind tricks won't work on me, boy..."
Ho hum. Like I said. Harmless.