A residue from St. Valentine’s Day, I have a red helium filled love heart balloon floating above the desk opposite me at work this morning. It is freaking me out. The damned thing won’t stay still. The slightest breeze or tremor communicated through the worn carpet tiles sends its swollen curves spinning and bobbing across my field of vision.
It is a heart bursting with alien life. It has been sent here to observe.
I can see the entire office behind me reflected and distorted in its metallic red surface. It’s like seeing your own reflection in a spoon. It’s taking everything in. Every movement. Every computer monitor transaction. Every illegal visit to Amazon.com during work time. There’s something malevolent about it. It is a heart that audits.
Every time I look up it is turning slowly to face me. I’m sure it is going to pull a gun on me when I least expect it. Fire off a couple of rounds. Go for my heart. Or worse. Play with me. Ask me how many shots I think it has fired. Am I feeling lucky? Well? Am I?
Sometimes it disappears. Drops literally below my radar. And then up it bobs again. Looking like the Imperial Spy Droid from The Empire Strikes Back. Only red and shiny. Freshly dipped in Bothan blood. I need Han Solo to take it out. To hit it harder than he thought.
The ruddy thing is out to get me. Persistent. Indefatigable. It won’t take no for an answer.
But it’s not going to get me.
You see, I am just so not in love with my job...