Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Greatest Invention of The 20th Century Was The Washing Machine

And I have proof. Incontestable, empirical proof. You cannot argue with Spongebob Squarepants.

My youngest son has a Spongebob soft toy. Spongebob lives in my son’s bedroom on my son’s bed. Or at least he does during the times when he isn’t being used as a makeshift ballista projectile or an odd shaped rocket whose sole mission in life is to take out the lampshade that surrounds the ceiling light.

Most of the time Spongebob enjoys a quiet, dry, calm existence. Occasionally he is airborne against his will but most of the time he is stationary.

One day this week, however, Spongebob encountered a new experience. A wet experience – which is rather ironic considering Spongebob is supposed to live at the bottom of the sea.

During one of his impromptu boy-assisted flights Spongebob made touch-down in my son’s potty. The potty was full. Spongebob came down into an ocean unlike any ocean that Spongebob was ever made to inhabit.

Spongebob was not happy. My son was cautiously amused.

Spongebob’s label said nothing about him being machine washable. Clearly though we could not allow the status quo to remain as it was. Spongebob needed to wash or go.

We threw him into the washing machine and gave him the works.

Cue both sons – the youngest and the oldest – sitting in front of the washing machine, watching obsessively absorbed as Spongebob was sloshed round and round the drum for the entire duration of the wash cycle. Pure, unadulterated entertainment.

God knows how many hundreds of pounds spent on PlayStation games, God knows how much spent on widescreen TV and digibox, even more spent on DVD players and handheld games consoles...

All wasted.

Want to know what my kids are getting for Christmas?

Laundry.

They’ll love it.



Share

21 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

What kind of laundry detergent did you use? I would have thought a non-bio, non-bleach colour powder would have been appropriate. A really doting parent would have done a hand-wash, of course.

Previously (Very) Lost in France said...

Because I'm such a kind, fluffy person Steve, I'm going to give your children a Christmas present too. I'll be sending my laundry by DHL later today. No... please don't thank me

Trish @ Mum's Gone To ... said...

Hope Spongebob wasn't traumatised by his potty experience. Did he land in a Krabby Patty?

Heather said...

Laundry - genius! That's just saved me a bucket full of money on Christmas presents. Do you think it would work for older family members too? And do you think it would be okay to ask them to send it me back once washed, dried and ironed?

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: a non-bio, non-bleach colour powder was indeed the detergent of choice. As for handwashing... I only do that for my collection of fragile thongs, g-strings and codpieces.

Previously (Very) Lost in France: how kind. My children are overwhelmed... positively crying with joy.

Trish: no, but he did end up with a Bikini Bottom.

Heather: a full laundry service? I think they'd be delighted! They'd have the joy of getting things cleaned and being actively employed - entertainment and exercise! You know, I might start putting my laundry up on eBay...!

Nota Bene said...

You're missing a business opportunity here. Charge them for watching as if they were at the cinema. I guarantee that in the not too distant future Sponge Bob will 'accidentally' end up in the potty again...

the fly in the web said...

Thank you Steve...my all singing all dancing washing machine chose today to break down and, miraculously, Bloggertropolis comes steaming to the rescue.
People used to send their laundry to Cairo at one period (the mind boggles as to what Nile water did to one's smalls) so I see no obstacle to sending weekly parcels over the Atlantic to keep your offspring happy.
No sacrifice too great.

Steve said...

Nota Bene: thanks. They're now complaining that it's not in widescreen though they're quite chuffed with the 3D and Surround Sound.

The fly in the web: do you wants your smalls dunked in the potty first as an optional extra? My kids tell me it all adds to the sense of occasion and spectacle.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

And big cardboard boxes to form a den across the living room. Don't forget the big cardboard boxes!

And don't forget the cats - the best and most sophisticated interactive toys I EVER had were the cats! Sneaking one up to bed at night without my mother rumbling was one of life's great joys! Then the furry squirming under the duvet tickling me as they struggled to get away!

Martin Lower said...

I had a toy panda when I was a child. When it needed a wash, my black and white panda turned a nasty shade of grey!
Long may your kids continue to be fascinated by all matters laundry. You never know, some of it might stick beyond childhood. I've a sister-in-law who classes ironing as a hobby!

French Fancy... said...

I've always found washing going round in the drum quite mesmerising. Obviously I am either extremely childlike or your boys are incredibly sophisticated. I like to think it's the latter.

Steve said...

Laura: never had that joy as a child as our cat was half feral and would have clawed us to shreds. Cardboard boxes, however, we had lots of fun with.

Martin: a hobby? She needs to get out more. Or shop less. One of the two.

FF: oh it's a definite sign of sophistication. Provided, of course, you watch with the assistance of a lorgnette.

Suzanne said...

Classic.

Steve said...

Suzanne: the film was by Ariston. It just went on and on and on...

libby said...

Now just a hoop and a stick for Christmas for outside and you're sorted!

Steve said...

Libby: a hoop and a stick? What unnecessary luxury! I was thinking more or a lump of coal.

Meg said...

Confession: In the old days when I had to do my washing in the laundromat I would often forgo my book to watch my laundry spinning in the dryer. I used to love to watch the spin of colors. I am an artist, I suppose I have that excuse. As a matter of interest the guy whose voice is Spongebob came from my city.

Kids are never too young to start in on doing their own laundry! My brother and I have insisted for years that we were still in diapers when we started having to wash dishes. At least with laundry they won't have to handle fragile objects. :)

Being Me said...

If only he'd been in his pineapple.

Steve said...

Meg: I like your thinking. I think I might ring up the local laundrette this weekend and see if they need a couple of washing monkeys to help out...

Being Me: I'm just glad we didn't have to scrub clean a chubby pink starfish.

John Gray said...

hide the cat if you have one.... just a thought

Steve said...

John: we used to have one but he disappeared not long after the washing machine arrived (and shortly after the goldfish disappeared).