I’m not quite sure when the affair started. Certainly the love crept up on me unawares. It was a shock. Unexpected. I hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary; hadn’t gone out of my way to be especially nice. There were no longing looks, no flirty comments. If anything I was as perfunctory as I’ve always been; as I still am.
But gradually I noticed the mysterious extra comments on my blog posts. Comments that no blog reader had left.
Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But it gets stranger still. Because there were no actual extra comments. Not unless they were invisible.
I checked and I rechecked. But the result was always the same. At the end of my blog posts, the link to the comments page always reported there being one extra comment than there actually was. I’d follow the link. I’d count up the comments. 40 for example. But on the bottom of the post it would say 41.
It had been going on for months.
A form of internet baksheesh. An electronic backhander.
And then it hit me. Blogger must be in love with me. It’s giving my blog a boost. Bumping up my comments totals.
I began to be a little more considerate of Blogger. I stopped swearing when the Dashboard froze on me or the spam filter stopped working. I entered my comments on other people’s blogs and pressed “Publish Your Comment” with a new reverence. Perhaps hoping to spread the love.
But it couldn’t last. I did something wrong. I don’t know what it was. Possibly reading blogs published on Wordpress? I can’t fathom it. But on Saturday morning, mysteriously, when I followed the comments link to my last post Blogger suddenly announced that a comment had been deleted – even though I hadn’t sanctioned it. I checked. I counted. All the comments were there that I had moderated and published.
And then it hit me.
Blogger had deleted its own magic comment. The invisible comment of love had been removed. Withdrawn. Withheld. Possibly given to a new blogger; Blogger’s new paramour. I don’t know who you are but I hope your blog fouls up and you lose all of your posts and have to type then all in again. Curse you! My comments now tally with the total that Blogger is reporting.
From Saturday’s post onwards everything is back to being as it should. Perfectly perfunctory. Correct. Cold. Austere. Functional.
My heart feels a little bit broken this morning. Somewhere, somehow, a love that I never even knew I was experiencing has died.
I may have to go and slip Wordpress a nice long, lengthy post or two just to make myself feel better. Just to prove to myself that I don’t need Blogger’s love, that I can get over this.
See, I don’t need you, Blogger! Do you hear me! It meant nothing! Nothing! It was I who played with you!
Oh what’s the use?