The thorn bushes at the back of the garden have been brutally slashed and uprooted – uncovering various grotesqueries from within their thorny bowels: dead cats, the skulls of Cro-Magnon man, broken pot shards and ale bottles and a castle straight out of the Brothers Grimm replete with dainty maiden throwing down mile upon mile of golden flowing hair. All this detritus has gone into our green wheelie bin to be recycled whenever the local authority deigns to perform their fortnightly pick-up.
Actually, apart from the shards and the ale bottles all the rest was true rubbish, i.e. a complete fiction.
My wife has balanced this secateur driven frenzy with some choice acts of cultivation.
We now have a magnolia tree.
We now have a herb wheel (with an ‘h’ officer).
We now have a vegetable patch (red onions, potatoes, garlic and chillies being some of the produce that will shortly be available for consumption).
And I believe plum trees are also on their way.
It has been a sterling effort completed (gratefully) without the assistance of either Alan Titchmarsh or Charlie Dimmock. Indeed, in deference to the neighbours and clear notions of public decorum, all Dimmocks have been kept properly covered up.
After all, cultivation and titivation should never be mixed – unless, of course, the beds involved are not herbaceous...