Monday, May 09, 2011

On The Prowl

You’ve had the same meat, week in, week out for the last God knows how many years. The same meat cooked the same way, with the same sauce. Vanilla vanilla vanilla.

You get to the point where you fancy a change. Something a bit different. Something a bit spicy, perhaps. A bit exotic. Something that resurrects your old enthusiasm for the dish. Reminds you of when you were young and it was all fresh, new and exciting. Before the ennui set in. Before you became over-familiar. Bored. Before you had to fake it.

How was it for you, dear?

Yeah. Yeah. Great. Are we done? Good, ‘cos I really need to sleep now.

And you hit the z’s knowing full well you’ll have to go through the same charade again tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.

Unless you do something. Unless you find, I don’t know, ingredient X. A new flame.

Well, I’m on the hunt for ingredient X. I’m on the prowl. And all offers will be welcomed, considered and one might even be accepted.

I’m not quite sure what ingredient X is but I know it has some of these components:

a) A better wage. No point making a change unless I get more money.
b) More kudos. That would be nice. No more poop-scooping or shoving buckets under leaky urinals.
c) Less crap responsibilities and more good responsibilities. Hell, we all want that but that doesn’t devalue the demand.
d) The ability to leave work at the office at the end of the day and not get rung at home, without fail, every holiday and 2 out of 3 weekends.
e) A better class of workmate. Could write oodles here but can’t, if you see what I mean.
f) I’m prepared to bargain-plea with most of the above but a) and e) are non-negotiable.

Trouble is, for all my hunting skills, my flint headed spears are finding scant prey to be launched at. New job opportunities are a bit thin on the ground.

I know that, in theory, this means I should turn back to the bony carcass of my existing job, make peace with it, cuddle up to it like we’re a couple of old spoons and be reconciled.

But. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

I’m sick of the same old bitter meat. The same old bitter meat topped with poisonous gravy.

I fancy an Indian. Or an Italian. Or a Chinese. Hell, even a vegetarian moussaka would do the trick. Anything.

Anything but this.

I’m shrivelling up. And I’m going to lose it if I don’t use it.

So I’m on the prowl.

On the prowl for something new. Something exciting.

I just need a decent shot at it.

Just one.



Keith said...

Strikes me you are sitting on a barrel of rocket fuel, in more than one sense. But rather than explode, ignite. Because you already have everything you need to soar.

You know what you want, which puts you way ahead of me for a starters. Now focus on it, on all the brilliance of it, of how it feels, how good you feel when you think about it. Don't focus on the negative, forget the urinals, don't make them part of this. Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Focus and feel.

Because it WILL happen.

"If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. "

This isn't just tosh, I promise.

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

I do hope you find something, it horrible having to spend such a large part of your time being miserable.

Apparently (I read it somewhere so it must be true) it's supposedly much easier to get a job if you already have a job, so don't despair, I'm sure your perfect job is just around the corner (the proverbial one that is, it'd be weird if it really was around the corner...)

Friko said...

Would it help if you decided exactly what it is you want and then bloody well go for it?

Suzanne said...

Hope your prowling is successful.
BTW meat with vanilla sauce - ew.

Steve said...

Keith: thank you - what an uplifting response. I may have to keep referring to it as my new mantra.

Very Bored in Catalunya: normally I find dog poos around the corner but, hey, they used to say "where's there's muck there's brass" so maybe it could be an omen of something positive.

Friko: you sound mighty exasperated with me for your first visit to my blog - normally it takes a couple of days for me to get people into that condition. Did you mean to sound so snarly?

Steve said...

Suzanne: I was hoping it might appear on the next season of Masterchef. ;-)

Not From Lapland said...

I'm so sorry it's all so shit at the moment. Fingers crossed you find just what you are looking for and fast

Steve said...

Heather: thank you - and nice to see you back.

Trish said...

I hardly need to read the post as the labels on their own give me a pretty good idea of what you're feeling!

I think Keith's advice is great. In another life I used to be a staff trainer and ran a course about positive affirmations/visualisation etc. It can sound a bit touchy-feely but there's definitely something in it.

Steve said...

Trish: am visualizing a bit fat writing contract with the BBC right now... with Karen Gillan as my tea girl. Do you think I might be over-reaching a little bit?

Muddling Along said...

Hope you manage to find something - at least you're trying to find something else which has to be heaps better than just sitting around hoping that things improve which is mostly what I'm doing

Steve said...

Muddling Along: believe you me, at the moment the joy is all in the looking 'cos there's precious little finding.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Some would say that man with a family must suffer nobly until a good fairy taps him on the shoulder. I say suffering nobly is less fun than thowing your weight around like a gorilla.

vegemitevix said...

I wish I could offer you something that could acheive a) for you Steve. I could possibly offer something that could satiate e) but not a) at the moment. If I manage to really get busy with this latest venture I'll give you a call, I really could do with someone who can string a few words together so beautifully.

Steve said...

Gorilla Banana: if it's a choice between being a gorilla or a fairy, I'll choose the gorilla every time.

Vix: have to say, I'm open to all offers. :-)

Rebecca Emin said...

Poor you, your job does sound a bit of a nightmare. Especially the calls every holiday and weekend. That isn't a job, that's taking over.

I hope you find something else before too long. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Best of luck Steve; I hope you find something good waiting out there for you.

Steve said...

Rebecca: believe it or not I had half a day's holiday this afternoon - and was rung no less than 3 times! And yet I've heard tell that some of my colleagues doubt my commitment to the job!

Alienne: thank you - though I have discovered that all but one of the employment agencies in town have closed down for one reason or another! Doesn't bode well.

Wanderlust said...

Please don't give up. You owe it to yourself to find something more suitable. You deserve it. You have so much talent and it is being wasted someplace where it's not being recognized and acknowledged. There is something out there. Keep at it, you will find it!

Steve said...

Wanderlust: thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I keep wondering: if I build it, will they come? :-)

Between Me and You said...

You deserve a huge pat on the back, dear boy, for shovelling the shit that`s literally being thrown in your direction. I`m of the `If we build it, he will come` school of thought but I know it`s not logical when you have people depending on you to bring home the bacon. Your time will come, Steve - I just know it.

Steve said...

Nana Go-Go: thank you. I never thought I'd ever want to be Kevin Costner... until today.

The bike shed said...

I reckon the best thing about getting promoted is the POWER! But it's not power over people that I like, its the greater power to control your day, to decide what you do and when you do it.

Good luck

Bish Bosh Bash said...

Convert to Islam, call yourself Ali Bar-Bar, write a few rap songs, buy a pile of small cheap rugs & mats, take up a stall in the market, pump up the volume on your ghetto blaster and start rapping. ‘Ali Bar-Bar – The Magic Carpet Beggar - the first and the original rug rapper for the ultimate knee joint protection & comfort at daily prayer - get your Salat mats here.’

Failing that…because it probably will…take a closer and lateral thinking look at the workings of this guy’s blog. Apparently he’s genuinely making a three figure sum of money every day via his blog. Haven’t found any dissenters around the blogosphere yet anyway.
And apparently this teenage girl who had a flair for the creative, set up a site to offer layouts for MySpace and other free tutorials. The idea took off and she now gets around 7 million visitors to her website every month. She’s managed to land some major advertising contracts and has received offers to buy her site that have exceeded $1.5 million.
If you accept the idiom that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, and you can get your gonads inflated to withstand a clout from Thors hammer…start making a range of ‘In seriously poor taste’ – Osama death miniatures and artifacts, out of clay & porcelain. You could start off with say…Osama’s body in the jaws of a shark…Osama’s body in the jaws of three sharks (get more wonga for that one)…Osama trying vainly to hide behind his Tv remote control at the end…Osama pointlessly but frantically Googling the English for “I surrender” on Google translate – and so on. They’ll go like a bomb on the internet.
Don’t let ‘it’ or ‘them’ scale your walls Steve, but listen to their noise with a new air of defiance – remember to ‘observe the masses and do the opposite’ and never ever give up on your dreams and aspirations’ –
Oh, and read Keith’s comment every night before you go to bed and thence again in the morning while you stare forlornly at your gilt framed picture of a bacon sarnie.

The Sagittarian said...

Steve - you have summed things up so well (as usual) you know I had about 9 weeks of not being at the office everyday and you know what? It was brilliant, sure I missed SOME of the people I work with but we have one person who makes everything mroe difficult and petty than it ever is and I didn't miss that person one bit. Its been hell having a new place to work from simply due to this one person and I'm not the only one who feels that way. What I'm trying to say is, when you grab that new brass ring I insist on being your assistant. Phew. I make great tea and can rival you for poop duties!

Owen said...

What was that quote about lives of quiet desperation ?

Have you shelved the piracy project ?

But seriously, I can't believe there isn't some organization out there who would be happy to have you on board for your writing skills. Good luck... or, as people sometimes say in France when they want to wish someone good luck : Merde !

Vicky said...

Can't offer a solution but fingers crossed something turns up soon. But hey I was stuck in a records job I hated for 10 years and ended up being moved up stairs and now am executive support officer

libby said...

Think lucky and you'll be lucky...someone said that once...don't know if it works but wishing you well.

Steve said...

Mark: that would be the absolutely perfect solution.

Phil: I bet the small business enterprise manager at your local bank absolutely loves you. But I take your point - sometimes one has to think off the wall, out of the box and above the blue sky to find a way through. ;-)

Amanda: let's make a deal. When I find gold, I'll give you a call. You do the same for me. We'll watch each other's backs and scoop that poop together.

Owen: merde it is. I think as I've commented above, all but one of the employment agencies around here have closed for "various" reasons. If the employment agencies can't employ themselves that doesn't leave me a lot of hope.

Vicky: thank you - it's nice to know that sometimes good things can be around the corner.

Libby: I'm willing to give anything a go!

the fly in the web said...

Hard to feel positive when surrounded by a devestated environment..but all of us on here believe in you.

Marginalia said...

Plenty of advice there mate, from the transcendental to the darn right hard hitting. Which seems closer to the truth?

Real life makes the best fiction: Once it's out there on the screen you can deal with it. Right?

Steve said...

The fly in the web: that's immensely kind - thank you.

Marginalia: I always find a mixture of the two is the best medicine.

Being Me said...

Steve, I think it's time. You just need to have more self-belief. And an entrance theme. Consider this my gift to you:

A wise man once sang.... Fight to the end cos a lot will depend on the strength that you have inside you ;-)

Oh, and one last thing - don't forget, when all else fails with your colleagues... sweep the leg *taps nose*

Steve said...

Being Me: thank you - truly. Until I saw the YouTube clip I thought the sweep the leg thing was a reference to Kenny Everett's character Cupid Stunt...! ;-)

Being Me said...

Either/either, take your pick. It's all done in the best POSSIBLE taste!

Steve said...

Being Me: Gizzard Puke, love.

London City (mum) said...

I have a job opening in my team, but quite frankly you would have to be pretty dull to fill it, which - thankfully - you never are.

Onwards and upwards!


Steve said...

LCM: I can do dull for a decent wage and a gander at your wetsuit. ;-)