Thursday, September 20, 2012

Private Dick

I’ve been feeling a little glum of late. A little uninspired. Every week I’ve got to the point where I’ve thought: this is it, old boy, your mojo has gone; it’s time to hang up the blogging hat and call it a day. I’m not feeling the love like I used to.

I haven’t written about it and I’m not going to go into it here. To write a post about how I’m finding it hard to write posts seems horribly, embarrassingly self indulgent. And although that would be totally in character I have to draw the line somewhere.

There are many reasons for my glumness:

Change in home life – the eldest son started at secondary school, the youngest starting school for the first time, Karen back in full time work and me changing my work shift completely so that I can be finished in time to pick the youngling up from the school gates. We’re all tired and frantic and not yet settled into the new work/life routine.

My novel is getting nowhere and I have temporarily lost the will to send out postal submissions or bum-lick my way up into the higher colonic echelons of Authonomy.

I also applied for a dream job and didn’t even make it through the initial paper-sift.

Police Community Support Officer.

It fairly rolls off the tongue doesn’t it?

Everyone I spoke to said I was made for the job. Even my boss. Ideal candidate material.

I spent more time on this particular application form than I have on any other. It was a work of art. I cogitated. I mulled. I thought about what I wanted to say and made sure what I said matched the job profile.

I had high hopes.

It sounded the perfect job. Not precisely a proper policeman but as near as damn it and without the responsibility of nicking / coshing / handcuffing / rubber-bulleting some ne’erdowell through the hallowed doors of justice. I would have been a bobby on the beat. A big friendly policeman (PC McGarry number 542). Dixon of Dock Green. H-evening all, madam, may I h-assist you in carrying your shopping home?

Walking about, outdoors, meeting people, in uniform. Who knows where it could have led?

But as always it led nowhere. I didn’t make the grade for interview. I wasn’t good enough to be not a proper policeman.

I feel properly gutted.

The only option I have open to me now is the one that all ex not proper policemen have before them... that of becoming a private dick.

Some of you will no doubt say that I am already halfway there...


vegemitevix said...

Oh Steve. Not sure what to say. I'm gutted for you. I think you'd be a brilliant Police Community person. Did they say why you weren't even invited to interview? Don't they have to?

libby said...

Don't be too downhearted is not personal that you didn't get through....and something else will turn out to be just right. Also this time of year tends to make people feel a little wobbly. Chin up.

the fly in the web said...

Nothing to do with this...but wearing your Lego hat go to le Nouvel Observateur site of today 20th September, roll down to zapping.
Number three of the five videos will blow the hat off your head.
Sorry not to be IT capable enough to give you a link...

And as for the job must have made one fatal, probably two.
You could spell properly and by fitting yourself to the job profile showed you had intelligence.
Two qualities not desired in modern society...well, not by those who run it, anyway.

Steve said...

Vix: apparently not. In the job app pack it stated that the chief constable reserves the right to refuse an application without stating a reason.

Libby: thank you. I suspect they simply pulled the post... Warwickshire Police are facing some stiff cuts.

The fly in the web: remarkably the application pack was a model of political oorrectness. I was possibly not PC enough to be a PC (or rather a PCSO).

Gorilla Bananas said...

Maybe they thought you were overqualified. They must have thought a bookish bloke like you would stroke your beard and pontificate whenever a flustered housewife asked you a question. How about becoming the Agony Uncle for a local newspaper?

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: I failed the phone hacking technical test.

John Going Gently said...

chin up dear heart
your intentions are good....... and in that book I think you are a bit of a hero!

"group hug bloggers!!!!!!!!!!!"

Katriina said...

Steve, forget the police stuff - you were born to write. "bum-lick my way up into the higher colonic echelons of Authonomy". You are bloody brilliant. I so, so hope things work out for you. For the record, I would pay to read your blog. Honestly.

Trish said...

Don't give up on the job applications or the book publishers. Even if you don't do the Authonomy thing, I think you should still send Danny out to more publishers.
Will keep fingers crossed for both.

Steve said...

John: cheers, bud.

Katriina: aw bless you. You've brought a tear to my eye and kaching to my bank manager's heart.

Trish: you're right, of course. Just need to recharge my batteries for a mite..

jontytalor said...

not so interesting man! grow up and
check this and let me know how I can improve to become as good as you.

Steve said...

Jontytalor: thank you for spamming me in my hour of need.

The bike shed said...

I reckon Philip Marlow was pretty cool actually.

Have you tried entering Cinnamon's short story / anthology competitions (some other publishers do similar) - worth a look as getting into anthologies is helpful with the agent treadmill.

London City (Mum) said...

FFS Stevie - buck up! Get your arse down here and I will hire you as my personal bodyguard.*
Police force don't know what they're missing.


* (you *may* be required to wear a uniform of my choice)

Marginalia said...

Phew, what a close shave for the old ladies and gentlefolk of Lemington Spa (Royal).

Have you tried your hand at turning to crime. I hear it pays quite well and the shift patterns would fit in with your new family routine.

Steve said...

The Bike Shed: I shall take a look - thabk you for the tip off.

LCM: I see, madam. And will I be required to take down your particulars?

Marginalia: I did try to become a local MP, yes, but they felt I was carrying too much moral baggage.

Keith said...

It's the time of year, the days are drawing in and summer is shuffling off. We all get a bit blue about it, the potential of the year ebbing away.

Fuck it, there are still three whole months to fill with wondrous stuff... Your routine change is good, keeps you on form, All the things you list as negatives are in fact medals of honour. Wear them with pride and build on them. Arse-licking never got anyone anywhere ( well not 100% true, but never got anyone anywhere of any real value )

And trust me, it's the Police dept loss, not yours.

Suburbia said...

Gutted for you too but things have a way of turning out better than you expect (don't you just hate it when know it all people say that?!)

Steve said...

Keith: you, sir, are an officer and a gentleman.

Suburbia: but it's also true. Here's hoping.

Clippy Mat said...

That stinks. I think you would make an awesome PCSC.
I think it's the time of the year to be sure, for feeling the blahs about stuff. Plus all of these life changes and routine shifts can't help.
That's my psychological analysis. That'll be 400 bucks.
chin up.

Steve said...

Clippy Mat: thanks, doc - cheap at half the price.

Unknown said...

oh hun that sucks *hugs*

Being Me said...

Steve, you're hands-down one of the best things to come out of blogging for me. That statement may have come out wrong/weird but it's true. You've a heart of gold and you write such incredibly entertaining posts (and novels... And blog comments!) that I think you'd surely be wasted if you weren't writing for a living. I haaaaate that you can't see the end of the tunnel and I wish it would show itself to you. But please keep the faith. Yes I may have just quoted Jon Bon Jovi......... But my sentiments are genuine.

Steve said...

Livi: thank you for recognizing the suckiness of it all. ;-)

Being Me: at least you didn't say that my blog was slippery when wet...! ;-) Thank you, my friend. From the heart.

Owen said...

Hang in there...

Did you say "High Hopes" ?

And you can continue to be the blogging community support officer...

Jon said...

Hmm. Yes. Not good your being turned down and I hope you find an alternative in short order.

But I'm not sure being a private dick is a great idea. I have a friend who did it for many years, and, although it was lucrative, he did often complain that he felt as though he was swimming in a veritable sewer of human misery complete with turds of petty deceit.

Mind you, to be fair, some of the things you have intimated about your current post suggest that it might not be so much of a step down.

Chin up. At least you're not the subject of a why-oh-why story in the Daily Mail. Or writing for them. Could be worse, you know.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Don't worry Steve - we all go through the blogging blues every so often. And like you say you've had a lot of life changes all in one go lately, if not quite the one you wanted. I've had a massive life change myself in the last year (new partner, getting ready to move to a new city/find new job etc). But however infrequently I blog, I've made sure I don't abandon it entirely. Perhaps you can follow suit...? All the best with trying again re the Police anyway. Lx

Steve said...

Owen: I'd have to arrest every single one of you.

Jon: that has put things in perspective... I am not employed by the Daily Fail. Salvation indeed.

Laura: thanks chuck. Sound advice. x

Wanderlust said...

Hey Steve, I realize I'm late coming to this post, so you may have processed much of this and moved on.

One thing I've learned about the job search, from being on both ends, is to *never* take a rejection personally. So often candidates are chosen before the whole application process (which, in some instances, companies are still required to advertise and go through), or they are chosen because they are the constable's cousin's son, etc etc.

You are putting yourself out there in two areas where the chance of success is small, but I say kudos to you for doing it at all. You are following what feels true to you in both instances and I applaud that.

Keep feeling your way along, you'll get there. I'm sure of it. Just wish it wasn't so tantalizingly long in the coming.

And I second what Kirrily said. You are hugely talented and have a beautiful heart/soul. We live in a world that doesn't always recognize or reward those talents, but know that you are held in the highest regard by so many.

Steve said...

Wanderlust: just thank you. x

MommyHeadache said...

Yeah you should be a private dick -you could blog about it while on surveillance. I couldn't do it cos I have the patience of a flea and also I need to pee quite a bit which is useless when you're staking out a Holiday Inn looking for extramarital shenanigans and no I'm not going to wear Depends.

Steve said...

EmmaK: empty milk bottles can alleviate most bladder problems.

Unknown said...

Steve, it's cause they already had their candidate picked and knew you'd excel him/her in the interview based on your application.
You know that right?
Only explanation, really.

English Rider said...

One job application fails and you wallow in self pity? I'd say they're right that you don't have what it takes. Give yourself a kick up the behind from me and find another approach to get what you want, (or somewhere close).
Find someone who knows someone or volunteer and brown nose your way in. Don't give up!

Steve said...

Readily A Parent: I love you.

English Rider: harsh but on the button.

Suzanne said...

I can empathise with you on many levels. Firstly the blogging - I want to blog, but I have lost my voice, and I also just don't seem to spend as much time on my computer. It's weird. I have also just been rejected from a job I thought I was perfect for... not even an interview. Balls to it though Steve - don't you dare give up on your writing, you are extremely gifted, and I know it's easy for me to say, but please keep going.

Steve said...

Suzanne: thank you muchly.