Friday, September 12, 2008

The Daily Grind

It’s all money money money at the moment.

Or rather I’ve got no money money money.

I’ve just returned from a trip to the friendly neighbourhood dentist – the gloriously toothy Dr Hassan – who has given my molars and canines the once over with her hooked implements of stainless steel. The diagnosis is not good. They’re clean – yes – but I’m apparently grinding my teeth while I sleep with the result that they’re beginning to resemble Neolithic grindstones.

The solution is a night guard. It’s like a gum shield but far more expensive.

So what is causing me to grind my teeth, Dr Hassan asks me pleasantly.

Oh the usual I reply: money worries – mortgage, fuel prices, child care costs – all money that I haven’t got.

I know the feeling, she replies with a fragrant sigh, but the night guard should prevent your teeth from wearing away to nothing. In the meantime you must do what you can to cut down on the amount of stress that you are under (I nod obediently). By the way the night guard will probably cost about £200...

Grind grind gnash gnash... cue the sound of enamel splintering in my mouth.

Ooh, don’t worry I can fix that says Dr Hassan... but it’ll cost you...

*Sigh*

And as for all my efforts to alleviate my money worries by getting an additional job... out of all the vacancies I’ve applied for only one has actually bothered to ring me back and dangle the promise of an imminent interview before me...

But that was over a week ago and I’ve heard absolutely nothing since; the mooted day for the possible interview has now long since lapsed and I’ve basically given up ever hearing from them again.

I can’t believe how hard it’s proving to pick up a simple part-time job. We’re talking menial labour here for God’s sake. It shouldn’t be this difficult! Should it?

I’ve come the conclusion that I am just eminently unemployable. Which is worrying. I’m “unemployable” but am employed full time by the local council.

Hmm.

I’m trying not to read too much into that...

26 comments:

Reluctant Blogger said...

I'm sure you could make one yourself. It might be rather fun? I have a massive pile of elastic bands in my kitchen, we get one a day from the postman, so I am sure those could be employed in some way. I would donate them for free.

As for the work thing - I'm really sorry. I don't know what to suggest. The chap I know who often has to take on extra work to supplement his income has done all of the following - working in the sorting office at the PO (they offer all sorts of hours specially in the run up to Xmas), working on a market stall on Saturdays (they often need people), and acting as a suitable adult for minors when they are arrested (I think that was what it was anyway - antisocial hours again and being on call). I don't suppose any of these paid well but I think he actually enjoyed them all up to a point.

Wish I had some work I could send your way but what I do is too specialist and would probably send you to sleep within seconds.

Big hugs x

Brother Tobias said...

At one particularly stressful and unrewarding stage I went through a similar tooth-grinding phase. I seem to recall all this stuff about your jaw being the most powerful muscle in the body, capable of exerting a force of 250 tons per square centimetre or something.

For £1.25 you could buy a set of latex dracula dentures which would provide useful protection. However, as a precaution against swallowing them (a 'Council Officer chokes on vampire teeth' headline would look suspiciously like a bizarre, Hutchence style auto-erotic mishap), I would recommend attaching a piece of string and allowing this to dangle from your mouth at night (be warned, this may act as a wick...)

Steve said...

Thanks Gina, I myself have a friend who runs a stable and I'm considering borrowing a bridle to see if that'll work. Purely to prevent the teeth grinding I assure you and not for any other bedroom use... Thanks for the offer of work by the way. I just need something that's a no-brainer for a couple of hours a day - provided it paid decently. There's very little in the local paper at the moment - lean times for everyone I guess. I'm sure something will come up eventually but the interim is very depressing especially when I appraise my rapidly depleting resources. I may have to cast my net a bit wider and broaden my search terms...

You know Brother T, given the powerful capabilities of my jaw it's a shame I can't put it to useful employment some how... maybe I could grind corn flour over night for a small fee (for a little extra I'll even add some homemade yeast). The dracula dentures would, I fear, scare the kids and I seem to recall Russ Abbott nearly choking to death on a set live on stage once. I really don't want to be associated with Cooper-Man if I can help it.

quirkygirl said...

Cooper man! I've not thought of him for years! And.....now i am thinking of him.... :(

Inchy said...

I still grind my teeth, especially in my sleep. Sometimes it's so loud that it rouses The Demon from one of her nightly dream sequences that I simply MUST be informed about as soon as she wakes, irrespective of whether I'm still in the land of nod or not.

My dentist pointed my gnashing out to me at least 15 years ago and I've never bothered my arse to do anything about it. As my teeth all seem to still work and my dentist never having mentioned it again to me, I've deduced that it's all just a load of bollocks designed to part you with yet more hard earned cash.

Caveat Emptor, young Steve.

Steve said...

Quirkygirl I do apologise most profusely if I have distressed you in any way by visiting Cooper Man upon you... but better him than Les Dennis.

Wise words, Inchy, wise words and all the truer for being in Latin. It looks like it might be a DIY night guard after all then. If I could make one out of solidified whiskey I could also guarantee myself a good night's sleep... hmm. I need a team of boffins to get to work on this right away - forget cures for cancer, forget large hadron colliders... I need a soft mouldable plastic made out of whiskey!

Inchy said...

We had a discussion at work today:

What's the difference between a scientist and a boffin? (its not a joke)

To me a boffin would be someone like Dr Heinz Wolfe.

Steve said...

Hmm. Yes. Or Adam Hart Davis.

TimeWarden said...

Don't allow yourself to be seduced by "a fragrant sigh", Steve. Your dentist no more knows what it's like to be short of money than I know what it feels like to be pregnant!

Why do we have to pay, and pay through the nose, even on the NHS, to have teeth healed when all other parts of the body are diagnosed ostensibly "free"? Dentists are rip-off merchants earning way too much money for, sometimes, doing nothing more than simply looking in your mouth for a few minutes!

I wouldn't necessarily trust a diagnosis, either. I remember being in pain and having an emergency appointment to be told I would have to have the tooth out. I declined. A different dentist did some work on the tooth and saved it. I still have the gnasher twenty years on! But, only at some considerably astronomical cost!!

Steve said...

I can't disagree with your synopsis TimeWarden - it does seem unfair when just an examination (before any work actuallytakes place) costs £16 a time yet I can see my doctor once a week if I wish and pay nothing. Unfortunately I may have to bite the bullet (maybe that would be a cheaper alternative) regarding the night guard as over the last few months I have noticed my sleep pattern being disturbed by overly clenched teeth and then waking in the morning with almighty jaw ache. The dentist did say she'd see if she could get it done cheaper by "doing the job privately" - I'm sure £200 is a gross over estimation. Karen had to have a night guard fitted earlier this year and it "only" cost her £70. That's rather a steep difference in price!

Daisy said...

steve you can get a night guard at the local pharmacy for much cheaper...no it doesn't last as long...and no it isn't as permanent but it only costs around 10 pounds at most...yes, i also grind at night!
as far as the part time work...i have noticed the same here...i was going to do a job for some extra money around xmas last year and it was more work TRYING to get the stupid job than the job was worth...i don't really understand the concept...perhaps there is something online you could do...don't ask me what...i don't know...just a thought, and it would keep you at home at least...
btw...i am terribly sorry about the problems you are having at the current time...i would like to tell you something brilliant but honestly steve, just make it through, keep it going and in the process don't loose what is the most precious to you...xxLisa

Steve said...

Thanks Lisa, very good advice. Things do seem to be an uphill struggle at the moment but I have noticed similar times in the past where the universe seems to throw everything it can at you at once... you're right, all you can do is ride it through and remember that's what good about your life is still there even in the difficult times. :-)

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Erm, can't you buy those boxers mouthguards in sports shops and chemists?

Not v. sexy, but surely they would
a. do the job
b. be impossible to swallow accidentally in your sleep.

I'm sure a bespoke pair would cost £200, but there must be a cheaper option.

Steve said...

Nice suggestion Laura, but I don't think a boxer's gum shield is particularly comfortable or suitable for lengthy wear... and I can't afford not to sleep! I've got to go back to Dr Hassan at the end of the month for a scrape and polish (oh joy) so will see what she's come up with then...

The Sagittarian said...

How blimin' irritating for you! Maybe you could pick up bits of free-lance writing work somewhere? Bar man? Failing that, get those boys up chimney's and fast!!

EmmaK said...

I am not short of money and still grind my teeth and suffer from insomnia...which makes me mental and you merely stressed. I'm beginning to think my life is so boringly stressfree I am worrying about having nothing to worry about...so I will worry about your problems for you. no need to thank me, just keep visiting my blog!

Steve said...

Amanda, I've got them watching
Mary Poppins right now...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Another suggestion - go to bed chewing medicated chewing gum so you superclean your teeth/do your facial youth-promoting excercises overnight at the same time as preventing grinding enamel erosion, not to mention waking up with the most fragrant breath next morning which Mrs GTi can only love you even more for!

Steve said...

Emma, that's a done deal and there ain't nothing wrong with pimping your blog occasionally...!

Nice idea Laura but I'd worry that the increase in stomach acid as a result of chewing the cud all night will lead to a gigantic ulcer and also that I'd choke do death on the gum...

Inchy said...

Emma is mental?!

No way!

Steve said...

I'm thinking of changing the title of my blog to "You Don't Have To Be Mental To Post Here But It Helps..."

EmmaK said...

inchy....I'm a little bit mental. I like to call it pleasantly detached from reality.

Steve said...

Emma, given the state of reality these days any kind of detachment can only be pleasant...

Inchy said...

I stupidly had a kebab last night, so I'd like to be detached from the toilet seat if at all possible.

Steve said...

Inchy, I'll get the guys at CERN to re-aim their Large Hadron Collider... you may experience a small tingling sensation...

Inchy said...

Business as usual then?