Monday, September 22, 2008

What’s The Scores, George Dawes?

Whilst on the subject of tax (as I was in my previous post... kind of) have you ever wondered where all your hard earned tax money goes...?

Ahem.

We had new doors fitted to the Gallery a couple of weeks ago. Not cheap MFI reconstituted pine doors. No. Fancy, remote-sensory, duel pump powered, automatic, DDA approved doors. In other words, doors with attitude and ruddy great knobs on (literally).

They cost someone a lot of money. My employers. The local authority (though not alas on doors).

Two weeks later there are still a number of problems with the doors.

Unconnected, exposed wiring is still hanging down either side of them. I’m trusting to luck that none of it is live or essential to the building services.

The door sensors are a bit “over zealous”. They open at the approach of visitors – fine. But when they come to close again one doors senses the other and opens again. And again. And again. In short we have flapping doors. Coming into the Art Gallery is akin to storming into the saloon bar at Tombstone, Arizona. The doors flap dramatically behind you as your order your firewater at the bar.

And lastly (though rather importantly for a security conscious art gallery), the key is impossible to turn in the lock. Honestly you need to have the strength of Geoff Capes (remember him?) to get in or out of the building. My key is now so twisted it looks like a Möbius strip.

The door men are having to come back again to put all of this right. This will be their third visit in three weeks.

Ker-ching. Thank you for your donation.

15 comments:

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Don't talk to me about electronic doors.

They look BLOODY AWFUL and EAT MONEY!!!

Don't GO THERE - they can consume an entire maintenance budget single-dooredly.

Steve said...

Laura, I wish you were my boss.

Inchy said...

I really hope my hard earned tax pound goes toward the 'Cultural Olympics' that Viscount Coe of Wensleydale is proposing to run in conjunction with the 2012 money pit . . . erm, I mean Olympics.

Or maybe it should go to this year's Turner Prize winning 'arsehole' . . . oh, sorry, I meant 'artist'.

Steve said...

The sad thing is Inchy, for a minute there I thought one of the runners for this year's Turner prize really had built a huge, fully functioning arsehole... one the judges could walk around, inside and out. Not that would finally be saying something real about modern art.

Daisy said...

perhaps just regular doors and a door man would have been more cost efficient? aw but who wants people anymore when an electronic door is so much more pretentious...go figure...

Steve said...

A doorman would be great - really high class. I think an "official greeter" would be cool... though given the behaviour of much of the public these days we'd perhaps be better off with a security guard...

Brother Tobias said...

In one of my County Council offices (a scantily converted former warehouse) a health and safety issue arose over the 5th floor Ladies' door. Apparently female staff entering in a hurry were opening the door over-vigorously, creating a hazard for female staff leaving languidly. I read a Minute of a long Management Team debate about whether or not to fit a viewing window in the Ladies' loo door. This had obvious disadvantages. The solution they ran with was to fit a stronger suppression spring, which was fine except it required a shoulder slam to open; when the spring periodically broke there was unexpectedly no resistance, and the crash of the door breaking wall tiles could be heard all over the building.

EmmaK said...

I want to say something but as soon as I read the word tax I fell into a deep comma I mean coma

can me old fashioned but I got married so my husband can deal with the taxes

Steve said...

Brother T, being something of a H&S supremo, my first thought was: why not fit frosted glass to the door and a doorstop behind it? I feel ashamed that I am doing my job even when I blog. There is no hope for me.

Emma, I fell into a comma once. It gave me pause for thought. As for the tax thing - I quite understand. I married an accountant for the same reasons.

Inchy said...

Ahhh...the sweet smell of success!

Yours truly has been on the wrong tax code since 2001 and shall be receiving my rebate cheque "promptly".

Anyone for Pimms?

Steve said...

Congratulations on your victory, Inchy, old bean... they're veritably crumbling before our advance! Add a dash of whiskey and I'll join you!

Inchy said...

PEOPLE OF BRITAIN

Rise up, rise up and join us.
Claim back your tax credits, query your tax code, make your chancellor work FOR you, not against you.

Remember, two weeks in Ibiza ain't cheap.

Steve said...

Yeah people! What he said.

Reluctant Blogger said...

I have an automatic garage door. It gobbles up electricity. Its little seeker thingy is always roving around trying to find a signal the whole time it is switched on, whether it is being used or not. So it spends most of it life switched off cos I am too tight to waste money on seeker thingies.

It's handy for the boys, who might struggle to open the door otherwise but it seems damn silly to me.

Steve said...

Automatic doors are very silly, Gina. Unfortuantely due to a society obsessed with "accessibility" everything has now got to be DDA compliant, etc, etc, which means overly complicated mechanisms and safety features, extra money needed for the servicing of the said appliances and lots of apologetic signage for when things break down and take months to put right again. A door is a simple device at the end of the day. It shouldn't be interfered with!