So I’m back at work. Slumped in front of the ol’ workstation. Viewing my Tippex and my stapler with the kind of hatred one usually reserves for one’s jailer. How dare they steeple up so smugly from the confines of my desk-tidy? Don’t they know I don’t want to be here? Don’t they know I didn’t want to come back?
One week off. One short-lived beautiful week. Already consigned to the dustbin of memory. Written off by virtue of having been lived and loved and replaced by the present. How can time move so fast?
And my workmates keep asking me about it. How was my week? Did I have a good time? My oh my, I’m looking well.
Torturers the lot of them. Turning the screw. Twisting the thumbnail removers. Gouging the flesh.
I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about my week in the sun now that I’m hip deep in mire and sludge and greyness. I just want to get my head down. Get stuck into the tasks at hand. Grit my teeth and do whatever it is I have to do.
I let it all die away. The goodness. The memory of an alternative lifestyle. Another way of filling my days. I wait for the shiny memories to fall away, to be replaced by dull mundanity. Wait for the blinkers to settle back over my eyes. It’s easier that way, believe me.
I can do it then. Survive. Get stuck into the old routine. The same old same old. Kid myself that this flat-line existence is enough. Is a life.
Live for the weekends. That’s what I’ll do. That’ll get me through it. That’ll give me a toe-hold on the sheer glass-smooth face of utter tedium and desperation. And onwards I’ll climb. Upwards and onwards.
Onwards and upwards to the next holiday. The next week of freedom.
Just 4 weeks away. 4 weeks and then the sun will shine again.
No. No! I mustn’t think of it. Not yet. Not yet.
I have to keep going... have to keep going... have to...
Know how you feel - except I've got another week before I go back! Time to read another book; maybe stroll by the sea... Sorry.
Mark: yeah, that's right... rub it in! ;-)
One week to go and then two weeks off...heaven on a stick....sorry Steve.....and isn'nt it sad that we are all so constrained (apologies to those unemployed and looking for work...any work) but after 40 or so years of work ( I started early..) I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!
Libby: I was going to say you don't look nearly old enough to have put in 40 years of work!
yup, I concurr!
What happens in four weeks?
Steve. This is NOT how a soul is supposed to shine! You sound to me like someone on the precipice of either a date with the top of a nearby watertower and a high-powered rifle OR (more preferably... sort of) someone who is nearing a point of no return from a realisation that's sinking in.
Stranger things have happened, you know, than turning your mind to something and that something happening ;) A glimmer of hope for change is often all that's needed for the change to be granted.
Aw, back down to earth with a thump eh. Four weeks really isn't long though..... Go on Steve, you can do it! I'm rooting for you!
I've been back at work now almost 2 weeks. The tan is fading, the memories are distant and I'm about half way through the work that the dopey part-time girl "couldn't do" whilst I was away.
Why do we put ourselves through the torture of holidays?
That's it, just keep the ol' aspidistra flying ! "Living lives of quiet desperation is the English way..."
You do know that there will be curvy brunette at the top of that glass wall of tedium don't you? (There, that should help you climb faster...)
Kelloggsville: glad it's not just me.
Being Me: don't worry, the only weapon I own is a high powered water pistol. It won't so much as blow my brains out as wash my face. But I like what you said about change...!
Gappy: thank you - I could use a cheerleader right now.
Nickie: I know, sometimes I think it would just be easier to complete the sentence in one go rather than being granted occasional parole!
Owen: and my upper lip is stiff too, you know.
Amanda: yep, that'll be my overweight bank manager complaining about my overdraft...
only four weeks? Stop whinging man, that's nothing, will be gone in the blink of an eye!
That help at all? I remember those back to work days well. I went through a period of not taking any holidays at all because I didn't see the point, they were gone so quickly and left me more depressed than i was before.
In the end I simply left the job instead. Felt much better.
Heather: I love it when you're stern! I shall take heart from your own experience and hand my notice in immediately! ;-)
Oh Steve, you poor thing. I remember that feeling well. Admittedly I haven't felt like everything's mundane like that for a while. I'm still working on making the dream work. It can't be too far away for you..making the writing gig work. You've written a novel already, what other writing work can you find?
Vegemitevix: to be honest I'm probably my own worst enemy. I produce the work but then fail to market it. I still haven't really got my novel sent off to an agent because I balk at the admin side of it. Stupid really. Especially as I'm well into the planning stage of my second novel. Haven't worked out yet whether it's laziness or cowardice that holds me back.
I so need a holiday!!!!
I hope you and the family managed to do some fun things.
Ally: we did actually - part of the trouble is that we had such a good week - took in some local tourist attractions: Warwick, Stratford, Moreton-in-the-Marsh and Bourton On The Water. All to be recommended if you are ever in the area!
How was your week off?
Rol: wonderful but it's wonderfulness has been totally obliterated by my return to work. Still, it's nothing that a good shooting rampage wouldn't sort out... take my advice; stay out of the Leamington Spa area for the next few days.
Thanks Steve, but as I said I started a part time job when I was 14 in a grocers shop and I am still on the hamster wheel 41 yrs later!!
Libby: there is no way you look 55!
Know how you feel, even though we were only in Wales! Seems like it never happened now.
4 weeks? Yay!
Suburbia: Wales is a wonderful country and once the little 'un is a little older we shall no doubt return ourselves!
Alas by now it will be like you've never been away...chin up old bean, keep looking forward to the weekend 'tis nearly upon us
LöstJimmy: I'm clinging to it like a sailor, lost overboard, clings to driftwood...
Oh, this is sad to read.
Wanderlust: I was sad when I wrote it. But I'm back to normal now: just bitter and twisted.
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