Friday, January 23, 2009

400

What a momentous day this is. Ripe with glory and grandeur!

Forget Barrack Obama’s inauguration as the 44th President of the United States of America.

Forget the news that this is the first Official day of the UK recession.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my 400th blog post.

Yes. That’s right. 400!

Since this blog’s inception in late 2006 I have continuously and without mercy produced 400 blog posts of varying length and dubious quality, luxuriously peppered them with photographs slyly half-inched from the World Wide Web, and thrown them to you, the blog reading masses, as if they were high class crumbs from my overflowing banqueting table.

Such food for though has passed before your poor fatigued eyes! Subjects such as Nigella Lawson, politics, television, celebrity culture, music, Keeley Hawes, parenthood, Lego, work and even how to wash up a tea mug have all been righteously laid before you like the tenets of a new religion.

And how you have gorged yourselves, you lucky people!

No, no, please don’t bow or scrape, there really is no need.

But it has not all been bouquets and banners! Oh no! There were some – you know who you are – who thought this blog would never amount to anything. Thought it would die, bawling and howling in its infancy, a shrivelled negatively potentialled hybrid of overweening ambition and undergrasping ability. You thought I’d get bored within the first 6 months. You thought I’d get sidetracked by the flash-bang-wallop of hardcore internet porn and the gaudy lure of online Poker. You thought I’d be discovered by the Head of Writing at the BBC who would snap me up like the last green triangle in a tin of Quality Street and beg me, dry-humping my leg as the tears roll down his face, to co-write the next series of Doctor Who and officiate over the next batch of period dramas primed to emerge from the pen of Andrew Davies.... no, no, Steve, you must give up this blog writing malarkey immediately, Hollywood beckons for one such as you, don’t cast your pearls before swine, your seed onto barren ground (you must leave the internet porn alone)... you must step up to the plate, dear boy, scripts must be written, book deals signed, an e-book autobiography with Flash and interactive content must be penned (keyboarded)...

But I said “nay!” And lo I sayeth “nay!” again.

I am going nowhere. This blog shall not be moved. This blog shall stayeth forever. Yay e’en unto perpetuity and the electronic eternity (server functionality excepted). Have no fear that I shall desert you, dear reader. I shall turn my back on all offers of wealth, stardom, critical acclaim and cheap easy sex with breast heavy celebrities who present property shows on Channel 4. I shall keep the Bloggertropolis standard held aloft and rippling in the breeze and my mind purely on the blogging tasks at hand for now and for ever more.

No need to thank me. This is simply what I do. Be confident and assured. Rest easy, dear reader.

I am going nowhere.

Absolutely. Effing. Nowhere.

28 comments:

EmmaK said...

You shouldn't go anywhere, you are one of the only bloggers who consistently delivers something meaty rather than just drivel about 'I bought a new cat what should we call her?' and for that I salute you sir!

Deirdre said...

and entertaining us as you go!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Oh wow, 400! That is well impressive.

Your blog is one of my favourites and one of the first I click to each day.

Can't see what you see in Nigella though. She does nothing for me.

Steve said...

Emma, as someone who writes a blog that regularly scintillates with sharp wit and intelligent titivation I am honoured indeed by the bestowal of your laurel leaves of approval. I salute you in return, madam, and I thank you.

Thank you, Deirdre, to entertain is as good a reason to exist as any other!

Thank you, Gina, that's a lovely thing to say. Regarding Nigella... hey, at least I know you're no competition but I'll still challenge you to a bout of fisticuffs for the right to do the naughty with Keeley (though obviously being a forward thinking New Man I acknowledge that Keeley should have a say in the arrangement).

Sweet Cheeks said...

Hey Steve! Guess what? I bought a new cat. What should we call her?
Oh....I see....

(Just kidding love, I humbly bow before you and your rectangular table (The shape of my monitor of course) I am a devoted reader.
Tally-Ho!

:)

Steve said...

Thank you, Sweet Cheeks, that's much appreciated - toodle-pip!

Rol said...

To your own self be true, Steve.

Congrats on the millstone...

Sorry, I meant milestone.

Stupid broken arm typing.

Steve said...

Rol, true words typed in pain...

KAZ said...

I know you said there was no need to thank you - but you didn't mean it did you?
Thankyou Steve!

Steve said...

Kaz, you read me like a book. Cheers!

Old Cheeser said...

Congratulations Stevenage!! I agree, who the f*ck is Barack Obama?! Bloggertropolis rules!! You've done a stirling job to write and produce so many great and thought-provoking posts - all of which have been very well written! Sometimes I feel a bit sad that I didn't "keep up" and packed my own blog in when I see the great advances you have made...never mind. I'll still be checking in to yours at regular intervals. Keep up the very good work and fly that banner high!!

OC x
PS Any chance of a Beverley Craven post?
PPS What's happened to Timewarden?
PPPS What do you think about the casting of the slightly pneumatic Michelle Ryan in Dr Who?

Steve said...

OC, it's always so lovely to hear from you - I regret your blog retirement too; your absence has left a huge void in the bloggosphere - I do hope you return one day. Thank you so much for your kind words. In all honesty I can't believe I've written 400 posts and wonder half the time what on earth I've been writing about for the last 2 and a half years!

As for Bev Craven... tell you what, if you ever return to the world of blogging I'll write and dedicate a Bev post to you.

As for TimeWarden... I've no idea what has become of the great man. I'm slightly worried as I know his mum had been ill for a while... but I also know he was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with DW and the role of his blog in relation to it had talked of blog retirement for a while.

As for the ebullient Michelle Ryan... well, what can I say? She was always the best two things in Eastenders and I greatly enjoyed her parts in Jekyll last year... so I'm well and truly up for her in DW. Ahem. ;-)

justme said...

Well CONGRATULATIONS! As one who has yet to reach her 100 post, I am WELL impressed. And I love your blog. Though for some strange reason it will NOT appear on my reader, and I have to seek you out specially. Which I do. But that is why I am a day late.....
Happy 400th!
May you stay for 400 more...

Steve said...

Thank you Justme, that's very kind. I don't think I appear in anybody's reader... something to do with publishing the blog to my own domain name, I think. Nice that you seek me out though!

MG said...

Congratulations on reaching 400 and thanks aplenty from one who is fairly new to your musings, having only just discovered your blog at Christmas. (You have your own little icon on my iPod touch so that I may find you easily). I mostly read you in the middle of the night - while feeding my baby. No funny business, just that having Claudia has turned me slightly nocturnal. Yours is the most articulate and entertaining of the blogs I follow. The others are pretty much all about potty training and other baby/toddler related gumph.
So do please keep up the good work kind Sir!

kate5kiwis said...

every time someone uses "well" (twice at least in this comment box) i think of catherine tate "... eeengleeesh eeees well dry..."

love her.
hippie happy four hundredths steve X

Steve said...

Wow, thank you, MG, I had no idea I was being read at such antisocial times of the night! Thankfully we've been done with night feeding for about 12 months now but I well remember them! Ah sandy eyed mornings! Thank you for your generous words.

Kate, you is well funny, innit? ;-)

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Happy 400th blirthday by the way!

400 more encores at least please.

L x
PS; It's great that your family are so supportive of your blog, I know a lot of bloggers have to do it in secret and respect their familys' wishes by never mentioning them! Copyright issues!

Steve said...

Thank you, Laura, your presence in the comments boxes is always much appreciated. As for the family, I'm just waiting until Ben and Tom are old enough to start claiming royalties (after copyrighting their own names) before I jack it all in and go and join a religious commune on Iona...

The Sagittarian said...

Congratulations Steve-O (sounds like heave ho...funny, I never noticed that before)....you're a wrothy read an no mistake and I look forward to the next 400 posts with much heaving of breast and raising of wine glass! Cheers, mate!

Steve said...

Amanda, I always try and pack my posts with as much wroth as I can (I am extemely wrothful sometimes) and I shall certainly endeavour to supply background reading for as much breast heaving and wine glass raising as possible...!

Brother Tobias said...

Bother. Late again. Congrats anyone on a very worthy 400. My mother-in-law says she doesn't "see the point of all this blobbing". If she could work a mouse I'd just point her to yours.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Congratulations Steve! I can only aspire to output of this magnificence. How many posts were about Davina...? xxx Mrs Blumenthal

Steve said...

Brother T, I can't believe that 400 blobs have somehow escaped my person over the last 3 years but if my blobs bring amusement - even to your mother-in-law I will consider my life a life well blobbed.

Lucy, rather disappointingly, only 1. Though there were quite a few more about Nigella Lawson and Kirstie Allsopp. Plainly I've been very remiss and a new blogging resolution for 2009 has now been set... ;-)

Pearl said...

Four hundred?! Shit!
Pearl

Steve said...

Pearl, that's the most succinct review I've ever received. ;-)

missbehaving said...

Wow I think I am one of the mentioned 'international readers'
that's made my day.
You know I did actually go to D.C. and watch that whole 'Obama' thing and it was very exciting, but getting back and knowing I had blog posts to catch up on here was pretty good too ;)

Steve said...

Glad to have made your day, Missbehaving, you international blog reading play-girl you! :-)