I was tempted to tone down the sentiments of the title. 5 Celebrities I'd Like To Punch / Hit / Twat sounded... well. A bit too violent. A bit too close to the tick boxes on the Government's anti terrorism laws. But 5 Celebrities I Don't Like Very Much sounded a bit weak. A bit wishy-washy. And at the end of the day a downright lie. 'Cos the celebrities I've named below do actually make me want to hit them. Repeatedly. And with an assortment of tools ranging from a tee iron to a Moulinex hand blender.
Sadly, coming to this party late some of the best celebs have already been named. So if you're wondering why Ricky Gervais isn't on my list it's because he's doing the rounds elsewhere. But just for the record: yes The Office was genius. So was Extras. But Ricky, your ego has bloated to the point where you are now just a cheap 'n' nasty, ungrateful, puerile little starfucker. You're an embarrassment.
Right. On with my official top 5 celebrities that make me gnash my teeth into rock salt.
Number 1) Eamonn Holmes.
Number 2) Glllian McKeith.
Number 3) Richard Madeley.
Number 4) Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.
Number 5) Ross Noble.
OK guys, now it's over to you. I won't name names to pass this meme onto. Merely feel free to help yourselves and have a ball.
I know I have.