Monday, August 10, 2009

The Troublefone

It has been a black weekend with the telephone.

Normally it sits – not exactly loved but tolerated – on a shelf in the corner of the room and disturbs us but rarely. A polite ring every Friday evening from my mother to stay in touch. The odd call from work that may elicit a sigh or two. On occasion, when the phone is being a very naughty boy, it allows call centres to sneak through and sully my family quality time. On such occasions it gets a curled lip as its reward and its receiver banged down unceremoniously into its cradle.

Bad phone. BAD phone!

This weekend though it became a true delinquent. I’ve lost count of how many times it rang and always, always, always with crap news:

My granddad had a mini collapse on Friday and has ended up in hospital with diarrhea...

A false fire alarm activation early Sunday morning saw me stuck at work from 02.30 am to 07.30 am...

We were then plagued by endless phone calls after these events from people chasing their own tails for "more up-to-date information..."

A seemingly endless klaxon of ringing.

So not a lot of sleep was had over the weekend.

I returned home Sunday morning like a zombie, in time for breakfast and to find the kids were already up and bouncing off the walls.

Trying to catch up on sleep was a joke.

Every time I tried to chill and get my head down the phone would go yet again with more updates about my granddad or work colleagues enquiring about the fire alarms.

The phone seemed to sense just when my eyes were closing and my head beginning to nod...

Ring! Ring!

Ring! Ring!


Anyway my granddad is stable and relatively OK. That’s the most important thing. He’s having various tests done this morning but is quite chatty and has some of his old feistiness back.

Which is more than can be said for me.

I feel like a wet rag tossed into an inanimate pool of pre-primordial soup. It’s not a good look.


Anybody want to buy a telephone?

One careful owner. Shotgun pellets come imbedded as standard.


Nota Bene said...

Sorry about your Grandad. But down shoot the messenger!

Steve said...

Nota Bene: you're right. But I just want to shoot the phone... :-)

The Sagittarian said...

Oh, maybe Grand-dad will get a wake up call about the grog side of things while he's there?
As for phones, they are a necessary evil aren't they? I hate the late night calls, and to me anything after 9pm is LATE...maybe you should let one of your boys answer it??

Steve said...

Amanda: it's amazing how many necessary evils we seem to willingly put up with in the modern world. Mobile phones being top of the list.

I just miss the gentler days of pigeon post and quiet letters. ;-)

And for me and Karen, anything after 8pm is late. But maybe you're right... I should drag the boys out of bed to answer the phone for me. May stop some of the cold callers if nothing else!

Rol said...

Before I moved in with Louise, she was the only person to ever call me in the evening. So now I feel quite justified in ignoring the phone whenever it rings - I know it won't be for me.

Savannah said...

Ugh...I hate the phone with a passion. Nothing good ever comes from the phone ringing.

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandad but glad he seems to be recovering. He will probably enjoy the company for a couple of days anyway.

Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. I hope some shut eye finds you soon.

Steve said...

Rol: I miss those days when nobody would call me. I think I liked people better then.

KayDee: the phone does seem to deliver more bad news than good. There's the old saying about bad news travelling quicker after all. Maybe the news of my lottery win will come via pigeon post?

Granddad still in hospital and "not very well". Awaiting the results of the tests.

Old Cheeser said...

You need a holiday, pet!

Steve said...

OC: are you offering? ;-)

Inchy said...

My email seems much like your phone, Stevester.
Today, for example, I have been invited to be a mystery shopper, a driving instructor, a member of a casino, to have my teeth lazer whitened, to have my penis grown 3 inches with guaranteed added girth and a woman from Botswana needs my help moving her dead husband's estate from her home country to Europe.

All in all, it's been a f***ing busy day.

Annie G said...

Steve, our phone has such a quiet ring we usually don't hear it. If it's important the caller will leave a message, then we can ring back, when it suits us!

Maybe you should stick the phone under a pile of clothes or something, and just periodically check it for messages.....? Hope you get paid overtime for your nocturnal visits to work.

Hope Grandpops continues to improve, oh and have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY on Thursday!! X

Steve said...

Inchy: I used to get similar emails from Africa until I wrote back and took the p. Strangely after that the emails asking me to launder money stopped. The emails advising me to grow my penis larger I welcome. Every little helps after all.

Annie: that's not a bad idea. Maybe I could just buy a long extension call and have the phone permanently in the garden?

My granddad isn't so good. Very confused. Very ill. Not really sure yet what the problem is... doctors still looking.

Selina Kingston said...

I don't answer the phone in our house. I refuse. I just glare at it when it rings. It's never for me anyway...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandad, Steve. Hope the news is better tomorrow x

Steve said...

Selina: yes, the phone gets a few glares in our house too. It's a most unwelcome member of the family!

Inchy said...

Is it your birthday today??

If so then Happy Birthday, you grumpy old sh*te, many happy returns. What's it like to be old?

If it isn't, then just carry on as normal.
Toodle pip.

Steve said...

Inchy: it is indeed my birthday today - 40, God help me. As for being a grumpy old shite... it's nice to be in such good company. ;-) Cheers mate!

Selina Kingston said...

Oh Happy Birthday!!

Hey, you could change your blog name if you like to, oh I don't know, something like "Steve Blake Is Forty"

What do you think? Good title??

Steve said...

Selina: it's a brilliant title - unfortunately some bright spark has beaten me to it. ;-)

I might go for Steve Blake Is Fifty in ten year time.

French Fancy... said...

Grrrr - I'm angry on your behalf about why an employee with a family is considered the right one to hang about for five hours waiting for the faulty fire alarm to be sorted out. Why isn't this sort of inconvenience shared out on a rota?

Steve said...

FF: you are very kind but good things might have come from all the hoo-ha that this has caused. Plans are being put into place that might see me called out only once in every 5 years and only then if I am very unlucky...! :-)