It's a funny thing.
Most of the time we're polite and respectful of each other's blog's and opinions but sometimes, you know, you just lose it with someone. You suddenly want to punch the face of a blogger you have never met and are not likely to meet. So what do you do about it?
You write a blog post slagging them off. You let off a bit of steam and lace your hyperbole with acid and visceral toilet humour. You sprinkle it with the burning chili seeds of your displeasure. You do, in fact, do everything but name names or give too many details because there is this rather stupid idea that that would be bad form.
And you don't want to come over as a sour-faced, shit-stirring, misery guts who likes to cause trouble, do you? So you come out with the ol' "I'm not naming any names but..." line because somehow that makes you a decent person and the one who is in the right.
Wrong. Heather at Note From Lapland has written a superb post about it here and I suggest you go check it out. Certainly do so if you're planning on producing a diamond sharp piece of character assassination anytime soon.
Heather's rules are simple. Details, details, details. If you're going to attack someone on a public forum (which our blogs, unless private, are) then give names, give details so we, the reader, can make informed opinions. Link back to the person you are drubbing - we're all mediawhores after all. And best of all - let them know - give them a chance to respond. Make it a debate not a cowardly attack.
So in that spirit there is a blogger here who I've long wanted to take to task. His blog constantly zips about all over the place. One week it's personal stuff. The next it's TV reviews. Then he'll throw in a bit of music. Oh and the women. Constantly, constantly he composes the most dire odes of adoration to whatever flimsy bit of eye candy is infecting his TV screen at any one time. The man plainly cannot be constant even if it were to save his life. And his frequent recourse to gratuitous "glamour" photos just to drive up his site traffic is transparent and pathetic in the extreme.
And don't get me started on the "humour". I say "humour" in inverted commas 'cos this person thinks they're funny. This person obviously thinks he should be writing comedy for Mock The Week of Have I Got News For You. Weekly we get the most lame, uneventful, unexciting life stories from this bozo's working week jacked up with the type of jokes and gags that even Keith Harris and Orville would sneer at.
You're not funny OK?
So if you're reading this, Steve from Bloggertropolis, please, please stop. I'm just sick of it. I wasn't going to name you; I was going to spare your blushes, but Heather is right. If I'm going to do this then let's do it properly. Face to face. Just you and me. And you know I'm right. Who the hell do you think you are? You're not a blogging god. Your opinion doesn't count. You don't sway the masses. Get down off your high horse and try eating some humble pie for a change you big poetry writing, non-published ex-emo!
God, I feel better already.
I just can't believe you've slagged me off like this - on a bloody Sunday too. You're the one that needs to come of his high horse, mate.
P.S. Cheers for the link.
No problem. Maybe we ought to meet up for a drink and talk about this face to face, man to man? What do you reckon?
Get lost. I don't hang around with losers.
That's what I love so much about you and your blog Steve.....you are totally insane.....like the rest of us!
Today you really made me laugh with this posting.
Ally: and that's what it's all about - thank you. ;-)
Oh I get it, they were the same person all along.
Now you just need Mrs Burton, draped on your shoulder like Pan's shadow and we'll watch it all collapse.
The internet is a place that so easily descends into the worst medium for trading insults; I'm so glad that I only curse at myself.
Have a good Sunday
Keith: I wish I were intellectual enough to understand what you said.
LöstJimmy: the only people we are ever fully justified in criticizing is ourselves. It's safer too.
Yeah- stick it to that loser!
I love that thinly disguised, self deprecating, flagrant self-promotion!. I am liking your style man and finished with a twist of Morgasma - the ultimate blog cocktail. You are the Bloggy King - bow, bow, doff, standing ovation!!
Misssy M: I sure wish somebody would...
Modern Military Mother: your laurels and admiration are (not so) humbly accepted and I shall cough with feigned embarrassment 'cos I know that a little show of modesty is a surefire winner. Now pimp my ass like there's tomorrow!
Oh you had me. You had me going REALLY bad! Steve.... I have to say..... I am so gullible I didn't see it coming and I ummm I fell out of love for you just a little bit. I was very disappointed in you for slagging off another blogger so boldly. All's well that ends well. You're completely bonkers, just as I first thought. Thank GOD for that, or the rest of us would get lonely.
Damn it, I really thought I'd arrived for a moment there.
Oh well, back to loserdom.
Being Me: I'd never slag another blogger off on my blog. Ever. Not when East European mafia types are so cheap to hire.
Rol: if I admit I thought of you when I wrote this, does that make you feel better?
Utterly brilliant! You had me going for a moment - my bitch radar was twitching!
Love it, great post. That Steve one eh? Tut!
Trish: it's the way I tell 'em!
Very Bored in Catalunya: I don't know how the rest of you put up with him...!
That Steve. I was going to write a post slagging him off and now you've beat me to it. Damn you!! Maybe I'll have to slag you off as well.
Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip: I think an all-out slag-fest is what this creep deserves!
mmm that Steve, the things I could tell you about him...see my blog
Ironically, that was really quite funny. As are your comments. A good laugh.
How much are East European mafia types going for, then?
I'm in the market if the price is right....
Nota Bene: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fran: I does me best. ;-)
The fly in the web: give them a 5 bedroom terrace in the suburbs and they'll do anything. ;-)
On a deep level (and a rarely do deep) I completely disagreed with the way Heather approached this and my comment said as much. On a level I like anything that starts a debate and I am happy if I am allowed to have an opinion without being slated for it, which Heather absolutely allowed me to have - so good on her. On a lighter level I am really please you said all this about that Steve : I have been wanting to do it for ages but I was distracted by a band of dwarves that turned up looking for the bastard that woke the sleeping beauty before them.
Well, I didn't like to say, cause you know, i'm nice like that, but I've never been able to stand that Steve. So up himself, who does he think he is?
Phew, I feel so much better to have got that off my chest.
God I love this post. Genius. Cannot think of anything witty to top it. Bravo.
Kelloggsville: deepness is much over-rated - I've always preferref shallowness myself; the tickboxes are easier to tick. As for that Steve; I think this has been a real eye-opener for him. So many people pleased to see him drubbed this way. It'll be a while before he shows his face around here again I can assure you.
Heather: I too have found this very cathartic and my chest is lightened as a consequence.
Vegemitevix: you had me at genius.
Steve? Steve who?
Brilliant! I'm going to follow that Steve because notw that you brought him to my attention, he's obviously worth following. That's how it works - right?! :)
Well, actually you are pretty funny! And I like all the eye-candy too.
LCM: yeah - too right. Big nonentity!
skinner675: thus proving the point that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Thank you kindly!
lgsquirrel: we're just kids in a big sweet shop, aren't we? :-)
Gah, why couldn't I have thought of something like this? Absolutely bleeding brilliant.
Made me laugh my socks off. And yes, I am wearing some today.
kateab: which begs the question... what do you normally wear?
Were you tired of just gazing into the mirror?
English Rider: I suppose I could always take a photo of myself with my mobile phone...
So meta! I'm in awe.
ArtSparker: just giving some data love...
Well, like many of Heather's commentors I have no idea what that was about so obviously I read the wrong blogs.
By the way Steve, Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of madness? You wanna be careful!
LMAO, brilliant, you really got me, I was on the edge of my seat.
Alienne: my therapist assures me it's a sign of recovery...
MissBehaving: I aim to please!
Hands off Steve! He's fun! Surely more than you slagging him off! And I like Bloggertropolis! If you don't agree, just don't read his blog and foget about him. Or do you just keep on reading it because of the "glamour" photos? Ciao. A.
Lunarossa: thank you; you're the first person to stick up for me. The only one in fact. Says a lot that does. Harrumph!
Suzanne: fruit & nut. ;-)
Excellent! And on a serious note, I wouldn't want to know I'd been slagged off in the land of blog but I'm sure I have been - but like I said, I wouldn't want to know. Unless it was cos I deserved it. I don't though, do I?
CJ: not that I know off and I can't think why you ever would!
Crikey, your genius knows no bounds!!
Amanda: alas, I rather suspect it does!
Steve, I was thinking about you this weekend. I wondered how far from Heathrow to Leamington Spa and if I was ever in the vicinity and had a few hours I could go visit. It suddenly occurred to me that you have a British accent! I've been reading you in "American English" and hearing you the same. Even when you use those quaint expressions like "git" and "slog off." Well, I didn't mean to break it to you like this, but I am pretty sure you have an accent. Do you think we could understand one another if we ever got to visit in person? And ha ha - both your posts (slagging off on yourself and the guy in the nappy zone - literally) were very funny. Keep it up! the jokes that is
Femminismo: ha ha! Leamington is about 90 minutes from Heathrow, possibly a little longer, depending on your mode of transport! I'm sure we would understand each other fine - even with both our accents!
Adding gratuitous glamour shots to boost ratings, even if done ironically, will never work... trust me on that!
I think I'm going to start writing about personal stuff! On second thoughts...
TimeWarden: congratulations! You are the 50th commentator on this post - and represent a personal best and a record for this blog. Thank you muchly!
As per always, just when I need a smile on my lunchbreak you provide it. Cheers Steve, you are one serious looney!
Mich: when the world itself is mad, a looney is the only thing to be. ;-)
Like Rol, I read this with an increasing sense of paranoia, although I seldom post pin-ups (the dribbling messes up my keyboard). Eclectic blogs are fun though; like sticking probes at random into someone's brain. Better than the 'Cardboard Packaging in Cumbria' sort of blog. Great post.
Brother T: please, please be paranoia free. You and your blog are very highly esteemed!
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