As soon as I saw our magic red dancing bus containing David Beckham emerging from the smoke and the glory of the Beijing Olympics I just knew that London 2012 was going to a be a teensy bit wince inducing. I’m sure the racing and the jumping and the yachting and all the other stuff that the athletes do will be fine. It’s sport, goddammit. You just get up and do it.
It’s the ceremonial aspect that worries me. Because, let’s be honest, we as a country are not cool. We had a brief spell in the limelight in the 1960’s and that was it. We lost it again. We are the geeks of the world. Our greatest global export in recent times has been the Beckhams. If they are the best and the most noteworthy that our country can produce then we really are foobarred.
But back to the Olympics.
They’re going to suck. And I now have proof. Probably subconsciously, possibly deliberately, the UK’s official 2012 Olympic logo proves it beyond all doubt. I must point out at this juncture that this visual gag was brought to my attention by the 10 O’clock Live team last week. It’s great television at the best of times (though the interviews and debates are frustratingly brief) but this was an absolute clincher.
Look at the picture above. What do you see? Officially you are supposed to see “2012”. Some nutters claim it spells out “Zion”. Ignore them. They don’t know what they’re talking about. What the image actually shows, ladies and gentlemen, is “Lisa Simpson sucking somebody off”.
You’ve looked again, haven’t you? Just to make sure. And it’s there, isn’t it? It really is there. It’s Lisa Simpson and... er... somebody else.
I now cannot look at this logo without seeing Lisa Simpson not having sex with a Bill Clinton stand-in. Though oddly I can still watch The Simpsons and not make any obvious sexual connection at all.
Funny that.
So. The 2012 Olympics.
They are going to suck. Big time.
And that may be a very hard thing for this country to swallow.
51 comments:
I didn't get it. At all. I just couldn't see it. So I went to Google and here it is:
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ktlvg93OLw1qa70b3o1_250.jpg
And now I can't see anything else...
Heather: eeuw! Thanks for that. And that may have just ruined The Simpsons for me forever.
I think I vaguely saw which bit was Lisa but couldn't fathom out the rest. Thanks to Heather for enlightening me!!
Here's me thinking she just played the saxaphone...
Lisa Simpson sucking someone off, eh? Have you got a comfortable couch in your home? You might discover some interesting things about yourself under psychoanalysis.
Trish: apparently she has "jazz" hands. Explains it all, really.
Gorilla Bananas: I have 2 comfortable couches. Possibly this reveals a good deal about the state of my wife's mental health too..
Standing and applauding Trish. That was a cracker (of a comment)
Being Me: and Homer Simpson likes eating donuts... are we to read anything into that? ;-)
Cannot believe Heather couldn't see it, maybe my mind is a little filthier but I saw it first time straight off! Yeah, I agree they are going to suck and unfortunately Britain isn't er one of the cool nations. Never fear though, you have all that history and of course the Royal Family and the corgies!
Vix: not sure that we want a history choc-ful of colonnial conquest and cultural invasion raised at such an multi-ethnic, multi-nationalistic, global event... but perhaps the Queen could suck off one of the Corgis?
Sorry. I can't belive I just typed that. Sorry, your Maj. Bang goes my knighthood.
Just an excuse to knock the rest of the East End down if you ask me.
Utterly ridiculous to have them in an already overcrowded city which is already very much 'on the map' thank you very much.
I can see the whole of London will grind to a halt for the duration, it's close enough to daily gridlock as it is.
Laura: the East End killed by a financially huge act of fellatio. What a crap way to go.
YOU B*STARD...I'll never, ever, ever be able to look at that logo again without smirking. It's so bleeding obvious now you've pointed it out. And there's a whole eighteen months to get through with that thing in my face. I mean the logo. Not Bill Clinton.
I can see I'm going to have to get better glasses.
I'm obviously not the only one who can't actually see Lisa Simpson having sexual relations with anything or anyone, but it seems I must be the only British person alive who is quite looking forward to the Olympics - opening fiasco *cough* ceremony and everything.
Nota Bene: thanks for the clarification. If there's one thing you don't want in your face for 18 months, it's Bill Clinton.
The fly in the web: either that or take more drugs.
Very Bored in Catalunya: be honest, you're just looking forward to the unintentional comedy, aren't you?
I used to have the moving animation of this. It was quite disturbing...
What surprised me more at the time is that it cost £400,000 to design it.
Nickie: that Matt Groening is an expensive bugger.
I hadn't thought of drugs! You really are a source of inspiration in a dull world!
The fly in the web: in a dull world drugs really should be your first recourse.
Yep I had to go back and look at it again...and oh dear.....how will I ever watch Lisa again.....
Yeahh – sort of get it. But only cos you primed me though.
Large diamond of a London geeza on the left, and a bit of a rough diamond of an Essex girly wearing Audi earrings on the right.
Did you make this up all by your blogging lonesome Stevie Weevie? (!!)
Try smoking a different brand of cabbage leaf bloke.
Better still, let me introduce you to my latest ‘anonymous’ blog friend here, and maybe you can enlighten me by interpreting what kind of cheese this guys been eating recently? (The following is a cut & paste of his most recent comment):
‘Reversal of tubal Ligation’ has left a new comment:
“i like your blog so very much keep it up man
Hi people I want to share something new about ladies who want to get pregnant again after tubal ligation. ligation Dr.Morice procides this service Reversal of tubal Ligation and Tubal Reversals are the best way for getting again pregnant.”
Okay Steve…Your go..
Libby: now you know why Bart says "eat my shorts" so much.
Phil: I'm afriad I cannot take any credit for this; it came from Jimmy Carr (or probably from his researchers) on 10 0'clock Live last week. As for your ‘Reversal of tubal Ligation’ fella, I'd say he was on some Gaddafi strength uppers with some Cuban white thrown in on top. I had to Google ‘Reversal of tubal Ligation’ and I'm still none the wiser as to what it actually is. All I do know is that I don't really want to know.
Aaaaaahh. You saw it on the telly. That old chestnut. Okey Dokey.
'Reversal of tube ligation' sounds like a second career opportunity for Rod The Plumber:- 'Fallopian Tubes Untied While You Wait - Cheapest De-sterilization Service in UK. Won't Be Beaten On Price.'
Might give him a try then.
Phil: you mean you're not shooting live ammo? That's seriously dented my interest in attending your waterboarding parties. ;-)
It's not just England... this reminds me of that old saying :
There's no such thing as gravity, the earth just sucks.
Owen: you could be onto something here. Maybe every country in the world needs to have their own Simpsons sex logo designed by the company that did the 2012 Oympics for us? Let's start the petition here! Cameron has got fuck all else to do...
OMG that's the first time I've seen the logo and it's right there in your face (well sucking womens ). Were they 'aving a laaarf ? Laughing stock of the bloody world, what with this and the SAS getting caught in a farm 'looking for a decent hotel'!! I'm going to bed until it's all over.
Kelloggsville: I'd take the fridge with you - you may be there sometime.
Sorry Stephanie, I thought you'd had all your Fallopian Tubes tied up in a granny knot.
Didna realise you were still gagging to get yourself a bun in the old oven.
I'll check in the back of the fridge then. See if I've still got any samples left that arnt out of date yet.
Phil: don't send it via DHL - it will have evaporated by the time it gets here. ;-)
"Don't send erit by DHL.."
Dunno. Sounds like a good plan to me. If I chuck in a spare uteris with my 'sample', and stick it all in a warm flask, by the time DHL manage to locate you, er or it will probably just knock on your front door and say "Hi Mum, where's the fridge?"
Save you going through that whole puky kaka stage wont it.
Sorry....what was your original blog post topic about?
Damned if I can remember.
Phil: what blog post? I'm too busy compiling a genetic shopping list that I hope you will be able to fulfil...
Oh good, ok. Was'nt just me then. Thought the old alkaseltzer's was catching up with me.
Don't forget - I'm fresh out of 'Y' Chromasomes though.
My son keeps selling them off behind my back.
And don't even think about ordering any gigantasaurus phalus genes, cos you just havnt got enough wonga.
And you wouldnt want anything less now would you.
Phil: to be honest, mate, I'd just be happy with a facility to appreciate music and 20/20 vision. Do you think I'm aiming a bit low?
I hate to burst your bubble but as soon as the 2012 logo was released I was told about that! Maybe it's an age thing ;)
Livi: bugger. Late to the party as usual. Why doesn't anyone ever invite me?
The past 6 months have sucked from where I'm sitting (perched perhaps?)...
DHL = Dunk 'em, Hide 'em, and Lose 'em...
:-)
Amanda: can't argue with that - I hope for you at least 2012 totally unsucks!
Owen: sounds like Prince Andrew's personal motto...
Uh oh. That's it then. Cannot get the bleedin' image out of my head now...
All your fault of course.
LCM x
LCM: it's something I'm happy to take full credit for. ;-)
I know let's have a spelling contest
Löst Jimmy: oh Lordy; I've not made another embarrassing typo, have I? Or is this a recommendation for a new Olympic game?
My daughter is a real fan of the Simpsons. I might just have to ban it in future!
CJ xx
CJ: you may have to - and the Olympic motto of "swifter, higher, stronger" also takes on a different meaning now too.
That. last. line. in. your. post. Can't get that out of my mind!
Femminismo: it's weird how these things tend to penetrate so deeply...
It took me a while but I got there in the end - he grins at his own double entendre. It was the Lisa Simpson thing that confused me - had to look that up.
But regardless, the Olympics are bound to be naff - can we get a gold for being geeks?
Mark: if there were medals for geekiness we'd take the lot.
so far so good, 2012 does suck.
I think you should become a fortune teller :D
agricultural trailers: apparently there is no future in it.
(Sorry.)
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