Saturday, March 31, 2012

Methadone

The superlative Sofie GråbølI’ve nothing against privilege. I really don’t.

I’ve nothing against the upper classes, the landed gentry, Lords and Ladies of the House and sherry addled debutantes. I’ve nothing against the Royal Family either.

Nothing at all, in fact, apart from the huge bank accounts they have chock full of money which allows them to do pretty much whatever the hell they like to without worrying about paying off next month’s mortgage.

Apart from that they’re fine and I’m happy to share the world with them.

But there is a limit to my magnanimity. A limit to my social largesse.

You see, it’s the freebies wot get up my nose, gov’nor. The gifts and the special considerations. The gratuities which, financially speaking, are completely unnecessary.

Take Camilla Peter Bowles the other day. She’s on a jolly in the Netherlands. She’s visiting the set of The Killing. If you haven’t seen The Killing then you’ve missed out. It features the coolest female detective the world has ever seen. Cooler even then Cagney and Lacey. Sarah Lund is the next best thing this side of Morse and The Killing is superlative television of the highest order.

But this is by-the-by.

It seems that Camisole Parker Bowling-green is an avid fan of the show. She is, in her own words (reported in the press this week) “an addict”.

Well fine. I’m technically an addict of the show too. Both me and the wife are. We religiously sat through 30 episodes that spanned series 1 and 2 last month as an example of our highly enflamed addiction.

I bet Camomile PB didn’t do that.

And yet her addiction gets her a genuine, bona fide Sarah Lund jumper presented to her by supercool, supersexy Sarah Lund actress Sofie Gråbøl herself.

Those things cost a bloody fortune! I know ‘cos I’ve looked. €300! Made solely on the Faroe Isles. Not impossibly extortionate I know but I really can’t afford to blow the equivalent of £250 on a jumper right now no matter how much I might be in the throes of addiction.

But Camilla Poker Battleaxe could. She could buy one every month for the next 10 years and not raise a hair on her perfidious little bank manager’s scalp.

So quite frankly gifting her one for free is like giving methadone to someone who is lying on a Las Vegas style water bed bursting at the seams with liquefied heroin.

It's not like she can even wear the ruddy thing in public anyway! It's just going to get mothballed in her cavernous walk-in-wardrobe which is already the size of Denmark...

Suddenly, privilege is leaving a nasty taste in one’s mouth.

Someone is making a real killing and it certainly isn’t me.



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17 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Yeah, with all her money you've go to wonder why she hasn't bought herself a new face. On the other hand, turning down a gift would have been bad manners. Maybe she should had paid its cash value to a charity for underprivileged beardies.

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: a new face? That's not a bad idea. I wonder that the jumper makers of the Faroe Isles didn't think of a more appropriate outlet for their superlative knitting skills...

Gappy said...

Orf with their heads!

Steve said...

Gappy: damned right! I'd like to see them wear expensive sweaters without their heads! Won't look so cool then, will they?

Marginalia said...

Envy is so unbecoming,especially in one so gifted.

CPB would never have been nominated for anything let alone Blogger of the Universe. What's a smelly,oily jumper - I know my mate has one - when compared to the admiration and love of a loyal readership. Ma'am.

Steve said...

Marginalia: You're right. Envy is unbecoming. But bum-licking should be rewarded. Arise Sir Sycophant, Knight of the Order of the Exhausted Tongue.

P.S. Does your mate want to sell his / her jumper?

the fly in the web said...

Like the way the National Trust lets you stay in your stately home when you can't pay the bills any more....

Steve said...

The fly in the web: I'm thinking of moving into Stonehenge with those favourable T&C's...

Trish @ Mums Gone To... said...

I've commented on this today...where's it gone? Has that Camilla woman taken that too?

Steve said...

Trish: I wouldn't put it past her... she probably spirited it away to her jumper drawer. Certainly I didn't receive it. :-(

The bike shed said...

Freeloading - the story of the aristocracy isn't it.

Do you think she ever eats pasties?

Hannah Denski said...

Such is a life of us the 'fortunate' - look on the bright side, she will never get to truly enjoy the jumper... Or life as a 'queen'... Always followed by prying eyes, ready to pounce and condemn... I do understand your 'discomfort' - really I do... I'm merely exploring both sides of a story. : )

Steve said...

The Bike Shed: Ginsters, or so I've heard.

Hannah: trust me, her enjoyment of the jumper will come from knowing that I don't have one. Grrr!

The Sagittarian said...

Good grief, any chance that jumper has a back-to-front hood so that Gorilla Porking Machine can cover her face??

Steve said...

Amanda: so sometimes a hoodie can be a social benefit!

Being Me said...

Maybe she'll save it for around the palace.

What about freebies for those without privileges? Why give away free stuff to the high rollers when they can afford 10 of the expensive give aways!?!?!?

Gahh, you've touched on something that really makes me irate. Damnit. You would have to be pretty much the only blog I visit that makes me second guess the phrasing of my own innocent comments...

Steve said...

Being Me: we just share the zeitgeist, my friend!