Friday, March 09, 2012

Who Is The Fairest Of Them All?

When I write, I am – it has to be said – an egotist.

It’s all about me. Me. Me. Me me me.

You don’t get a look in. Not really.

And if you do it’s only as a mental aside, a construct that I formulate to pander to my already inflated ego. I imagine you being entertained by my witterings. Rolling on the floor, guffawing out loud – ROLFing. Wiping an amused tear from your envious, admiring eye.

Occasionally, of course, I may write about other people, refer to the existence of others and how their existence has impinged on my own. As you know, I have to be careful about such subject matter now. Loose lips has created blips on the ol’ work ethic. Data protection. People’s right to privacy over my right to express a personal opinion. Etc. Etc.

And it has chafed.

It has constrained.

And I’ve felt a little muzzled.

But that’s OK. I can sneak a tooth or two around the leathery confines now and then. I can still savage an ankle or three when the mood takes me.

But the thought occurred to me this morning that this conflict arose from a basic difference in perception. See, I’m writing this ‘ere blog thinking that it’s all about me and my life and my ego but actually...

Actually... there are some people out there who perceive the written and spoken word as a mirror.

They hold it up to their eyes and see themselves applying their make-up, titivating their hair and squeezing a few of their blackheads.

Suddenly, I’ve been elbowed out of the way! Never mind that I’m trying to shave and wax my pits... no, suddenly I‘ve got some other person’s mush and ego jostling mine for the exfoliating cream!

Some other person thinking that all this is about them them them!

Well, excuse me for breathing!

Now shut up and pass the toothpaste – you need it a lot more than I do.

But joking aside, it’s interesting isn’t it? I mean, I lay claim to creative copyright where this blog is concerned.

But do I have a right to that? Do I really? Is it really all mine? Or is it yours too, you who read here and insert yourself emotionally into the body of my work (oo-er)?

And if you choose to read my blog and stand right in front of me as I do my blogging thing, isn’t some of the stuff here your fault too?

Is this some kind of weird partnership?

Are we married?

Do I even know you?

What the hell are you doing in my bathroom anyway?!

Just who is that looking back at me from the depths of the mirror?



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25 comments:

Suburbia said...

Steve, I love it every time I 'insert myself emotionally into the body of your work'! Hope it works for you too?!

Steve said...

Suburbia: as long as you don't mind me rolling over and going straight to sleep afterwards...?

Timbo said...

What? You leave the bathroom door open and then go all weird when I come and poke about in your soap dish? Hey - get used to it.
Anyway I'm nicking a bit of your toothpaste. It is toothpaste isn't it? Tastes funny! (Don't worry I lost the metaphor there too!)

Nota Bene said...

No its not me me me...it's meam I'm told....errr

I like to think of myself as important in everyone's lives, so I recognise how my talent has influenced and affected you

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think that's right. You're really an archetype character than expresses the hopes and frustrations of millions of disaffected middle-aged beardies. Reading your blog means I can ignore them with a clean conscience. You've already said it for them.

Steve said...

Timbo: does it taste a bit metallic? You probably don't want to know what that is. Trust me.

Nota Bene: well, I certainly wouldn't be where I am today without your input. No, really. So thanks a bunch.

Gorilla Bananas: I was going to refute that but no. You're dead right.

Kelloggsville said...

No, it's definitely all about you and the blog is all yours, so you can keep it ;)

Marginalia said...

Far too subtle for me. I just wipe my bum and get on with life.

Steve said...

Kelloggsville: thank you. I think.

Marginalia: would it hurt you too much to perform a courtesy flush?

English Rider said...

Not sure if this is a very perceptive analysis or pre-warning of a class action law suit. Keep 'em guessing. That's what I say.

Steve said...

English Rider: my bank manager advises me to go for the law suit.

Keith said...

To what extent does a writer presuppose a reader ? Even toilet door graffiti will be seen and puzzled over.

Ours is a symbiotic relationship of mutual fulfillment. You loofah my back and I'll loofah yours.

Suzanne said...

Que?
It's too early in the morning (when I'm reading) for all this analysis.
Just keep doing what you do ;-)

Steve said...

Keith: oooh... a bit lower... a bit harder...

Suzanne: an early morning? Or a very late night...

Meg said...

But if you leave the bathroom door open aren't you inviting us all in?

Steve said...

Meg: oooh... sounds like it might be a wild Saturday night!

Suburbia said...

Hee hee

As long as you don't snore!

Steve said...

Suburbia: I have it on good authority that I do not.

The Sagittarian said...

You can have your soap back...it's growing something....

Steve said...

Amanda: those hairs will come off if you hold it under the tap long enough...

Löst Jimmy said...

Egos, mirrors?
Sounds like another morning in the factory changing rooms to me!

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

Good to see you back on form - I can't think of anything clever to say cos I'm laughing like a drain.

Steve said...

Löst Jimmy: I hope you do not have to suffer the appalling appariton of bristly lipstick in the morning...

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden: the best way to laugh in my opinion!

Rol said...

"Are we married?"

We better bloody well be, there's no other excuse for the fact that you don't put out anymore.

Steve said...

Rol: you don't woo me anymore, that's the problem. Would it hurt you to buy some flowers every now and then?