Monday, March 12, 2012

Nick Bloody Knowles!

Nick KnowlesThat’s right. Nick Knowles. Not even Nick Nolte which would have been slightly better given that he’s a big Hollywood star and all and doesn’t, to my knowledge, revamp people’s houses in the space of 2 days because they’ve been designated as a national charity case.

Unceasingly, for the last 2 months, Nick flaming Knowles has been the most popular search term that has brought people to my blog. Him. Him off the BBC. Him with the stubble and slightly bouffant hair and nasally bloke-next-door voice. Him.

Why?

I only wrote about him once. Once! One post out of 839 (and counting)! And even then it was just a joke about not being able to trust your average Mr Builder these days.

I’ve written about Dr Alice Roberts countless times. Worshipped at the shrines of both Keeley Hawes and Katie McGrath. And though these worthy beauties feature in my blog stats regularly they are completely unable to remove Mr Knowles – the average Midland dinner ladies’ choice of beefcake – from the number one spot.

Now I realize I may be doing Mr Knowles’s fan-base a huge disservice here. They may come from areas other than the Midlands. They may not all be dinner ladies. Indeed some of them may be retired. But I do find it difficult – nay impossible – to visualize anyone else avidly searching every day for news and piccies of Mr Knowles on Google.

Supermodels? Yeah, right. Like they can even spell ‘Nick’.

Checkout girls? Why would they bother when they have ex-crim store detectives to ogle all day?

Power dressing cut-throat business women working in the City? Surely Nick Hewer is all the Nick they’ll ever need?

So am I missing a trick here? Does Nick Knowles have a massive gay following that I don’t know about? (Hell, why would I know about that? Don’t look at me like that; I think you’ll find that everyone rates ABBA these days.)

Is my Blog unwittingly providing a service for gender and sexual equality?

Hmm. Now I could actually live with that.

I may even get into the ol’ DIY business myself if it drives a few more hits my way.

But I draw the line at singing Gloria Gaynor’s greatest hits wearing nothing but dungarees and holding a dripping paintbrush, OK?

Don’t get any ideas.

And that includes you too, Mr Knowles.



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17 comments:

the fly in the web said...

I get a lot of people looking for 'naked French women'....

They know not what they ask....

Kelloggsville said...

He can dip his brush in my can anytime he likes, that is all.

Gorilla Bananas said...

This blog is a friend of Dorothy is so many ways. In a gay version of Wizard of Oz, you'd be the Wizard of Oz.

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

This news makes me feel slightly better about the fact that my most searched term is 'meggings'.

*Scurries off to write a post about Nick Knowles... oh hang on, who the hell is he?*

Steve said...

The fly in the web: I didn't know you did requests...!

Kelloggsville: from what I've heard he likes to splatter his paint all over the carpet.

Gorilla Bananas: get down, Toto!

Very Bored in Catalunya: I had to Google meggings. Bring back shorts.

Nana Go-Go said...

Finally, we have something in common!He gets on my one last nerve!That hairdo can't be for real!Thanks for sharing.

Trish @ Mums Gone To... said...

Maybe all the searches for Nick Knowles end up with you because no-one else is writing about him?

It could also explain how Kelloggsville and I end up at your blog....

Being Me said...

Imagine how disappointed they were when they clicked on your blog, then, and realised it wasn't a shrine at the altar of said NK.

Tenon_Saw said...

Just imagine the hits I'm getting for puttin up this post!
HERE

Löst Jimmy said...

I recommend increasing your coverage of Katie McGrath to act as a sort of neutralising effect to the outbreak of Knowlesism.
At the same time you'd be pandering to my interest in evil sorceresses...

Steve said...

Nana Go-Go: it's got to be real. Why on earth would be buy a wig like that?

Trish: and here's me thinking you were a woman of taste...

Being Me: I can't wait to be taken to court for misrepresentation.

Löst Jimmy: now that's a panacea I'd happily buy into.

Dicky Carter said...

I can see Nick K. having a large gay following to be honest. You also just know that many middle class 30 something mums go weak at the knees every time he appears on tv. Actually, I heard that he's a bit of a shit.

Suburbia said...

Now I know the secret of getting more readers to my blog!

( would it be wrong to admit I've never heard of him? I do live a very shelterd life! )

Nota Bene said...

You're a desperate man. In more ways than one.

Jon said...

I supose poor Nick doesn't get much coverage in the Blogsphere. You should feel good. The ego should crank up another notch.

I get very few visitors, but of those I do get, a surprisingly large number arrive by searching for images of "Martine buys a freezer."

John Gray said...

my biggest is bloody BENIDORM and GETHIN JONES

Steve said...

Dicky: only a bit?

Suburbia: never heard of him? Oh how I envy you!

Nota Bene: have you been talking to my wife?

Jon: Martine McCutcheon by any chance? I bet it was a chest freezer.

John: Benidorm? You know what? I think that's kind of cool.