Friday, November 22, 2013

I’m Gonna Text You Up

So. New phone. Nokia Lumia 510.

My first ever smartphone. Email. Facebook. Twitter. LinkedIn. Skydrive. All in one place. I’m loving the sense of centralized connectedness. All these different ways of communicating with people literally at my fingertips.

Decent contract too given my traditional parsimonious nature when it comes to mobile phones. I get 500 minutes, 750mb of date and 5000 texts all for just £10 a month.

The data I might use – browsing, downloading apps, updating blogs and feeds, etc. The 500 minutes… hmm, doubtful but you never know when you might need to have a long conversation with someone.

But 5000 texts?

I must admit that had me rolling my eyes.

5000 texts per month?!

Who sends 5000 texts a month? That’s (on average) 166 texts a day! What can you possibly find to write about so frequently on a daily basis? Apart from sending someone a novel a line at a time?

“Hello, just sending you a text.”

“Hi again. Just me. Just another text.”

“Did you get my last text?”

“Not my last text but the text before that?”

“This is just a text to check that you’re getting my texts.”

“Please text a reply.”

“If you’re able. If you want to.”

“No pressure.”

“Have you run out of texts? You really ought to go to Tesco. They give you 5000 a month.”

“That’s 5000 texts.”

“Which is a lot of texting.”


“Actually my finger is really hurting now. Do you mind if I just ring you instead?”

I don’t think I have ever sent 5000 texts in my entire life. Let alone in a month. And now I have an allocation. I kind of feel morally obliged to honour it. To share the minutia of my life with some as yet unnamed other in my address book as frequently as possible until they get so sick of hearing from me that they stop acknowledging my very existence.

Rather akin to blogging.


Studio Kaufmann said...

Apparently the average teenager sends more than six texts per hour or 3339 per month What are they writing about? God knows. Neither my husband or I has a cell phone and I enjoy the sense of not being available to anyone it entails. If my kids want to get hold of me they can call me on the home phone.

KeyReed said...

Well here's a hint. Don't get through to the Blackpool round of Strictly Come Dancing because all your data, photos, contacts, will be taken away by cunning thieves as you dance. [Why do people keep all their data in one place?]

Gorilla Bananas said...

If you've got the technology, you may as well use it. Instead of texting, you could send loads of tweets to a twitter account. If you marketed yourself as a bearded guru, you'd probably end up with 10,000 followers. It's a fair bet that 4 or 5 of them would offer to massage your feet.

The bike shed said...


Or do you prefer real words and even punctuation?

Steve said...

Emma: if my kids want me and I'm busy texting they can go whistle.

Colin: seriously? Did that happen to someone? I really must stop texting for a few minutes so I can watch the news.

Gorilla Bananas: I'm trying to find the sarcasm in what you have written but for the life of me can't find any. I think you're serious so will take you up on it.

The bike shed: did you mean G8 or GR8? Or are both of us showing our ages?

Nota Bene said...

Yes The Boy regularly used to bust his text limit...welcome to the dark side...

Steve said...

Nota Bene: I can't even get over the starting line. Do you know how many texts I've sent since getting the phone? Two. Two texts. And I strained my imagination sending them.

the fly in the web said...

I am apparently to be issued with a smart 'phone...whatever that it...a cheap offer from China.

I have awful suspicions as to the language it uses...only to be equalled by mine while trying to understand the instructions.

In the name of the wee man do not text me unless you want to receive an enquiry as to whether you want sweet and sour sauce with your order...

Steve said...

The fly in the web: I want a number 47 and a chow mein please. Do you deliver?

Wanderlust said...

Oooh, can you do overseas texts?! Probably not. Honestly, I kind of hate texting. I have a friend who, every now and then, will send me a text saying, "hey, what's up?" I only responded once, after which I discovered that it was a never-ending proposition. Every time I replied, he would respond with another question. It was like a slow death. Now I pretend I don't get his texts.

Steve said...

Wanderlust: but... but... I have 5000 texts to get through here, young lady. I've divvied them up between all my contacts. You're all going to get about 70 a month. If you drop out I'll have to redo the entire rota!

Keith said...

Maybe this is the start of a new novel about a man trying to use up his allocated text allowance. Like 'Brewster's Millions' for this day and age.

Oh the people you'll text !

Steve said...

Keith: indeed. Absolutely.

So can I have your mobile number please?

AGuidingLife said...

I text. A lot. But I don't touch my limit. A teenagers texts are more like expensive snapchat "no?!""yer""didno""f'yer""bus""nar""well she's a""lol"


It's endless drivel

Or they are planning to take over the world and we haven't fathomed out what the hell they are talking about yet.

Ps only old people do 'txt speak' the kids didnt grow up with a character restrict or have any concept of a telephone keypad used for texting.

Steve said...

K Ville: but I write endless drivel! All the bloody time. Therefore 5000 texts should be right up my street!


Fran Hill said...

Funny post! It makes you wonder what's going to happen to our thumbs over the years, and how they'll evolve to cope with the texting.

Steve said...

Fran: my thumb already resembles Arnold Schwarzenegger's left thigh. I daren't look at what's nestled between my thumb and forefinger.

Trish said...

Ooh you did get a good deal. I pay a similar amount a month but don't get that much stuff with it. At least I don't think I do. I love texting. I'll reply to you if you want to do that novel Keith is suggesting. Or you could just text companies with stupid queries and see how long the conversations last.

Steve said...

Trish: that's not a bad idea. I quite like the idea of having a prolonged text conversation with Sainsbury's, for example, on my Tesco mobile.