Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Sniping The Snipe

The Snipe is clever.

The Snipe is patient.

It waits by the kettle, by the radiator, by the computer monitor occasionally ticking its eye like an ancient lizard. It is in for the long haul. It plays the long game. It plays to win.

It waits for its prey with a lipstick smile and the bat of an eyelash. It lures its victim in with a sticky tongue of kind words, of sweetness, of sugary betrayal. It offers the sharpened claws of fake friendship. The piercing tooth of confidence.

Once you are in its cooing clutches it sucks out every intimacy, every near silent secret.

It doesn’t digest. It doesn’t consume.

It stores them away. It stockpiles them. Hardens them into little balls of armour shattering ammunition. While the world sleeps the Snipe is up all night making bullets.

Being a coward, afraid of its own dirty work, it offers these to a greater power. With instructions of where lies its victims palpitating heart.

It has no mercy. But it will offer a shoulder to cry on so that it may take suck again. Its appetite is insatiable.

But some of us are prepared. Some of us have been bitten before and have learned from the bites.

Some of us also wait.

Cleverly.

Patiently.

Waiting for the Snipe to look up and smile and catch our eye. Waiting for the Snipe to gulp in fear as it realizes we are blinking at it like smarter lizards through the steady lens of a telescopic rifle.

It will not hear the shot ring out.

It will not feel the impact.

It will not understand the cheers of jubilation.

But it will recognize the bullet.



Share

27 comments:

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

I do believe this is called Karma, no?

Kelloggsville said...

The snipe hangs around social media a lot too. There is a whole cesspit of insincere people out there.

London City Mum said...

Surely the start of a new novel? No? Should be at any rate.

LCM x

vegemitevix said...

Don't shoot! I come in peace. Hope you're hanging in there. Vix

Jon said...

Very deep. Very moving. Slightly confusing.

Surely snipe don't bite - they peck? And if the buggers are storing ammo it's a poor lookout for the honest hunter looking for a bag.

Very good roasted and served on a bit of buttered toast are snipe, but I don't go the whole hog and mash the entrails to serve with them.

Am I missing the point.

Signed,
Baffled of the Vendée.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Ah, so you've fallen victim to the office sneak, have you? The Godfather parts I and II showed how to outwit such insects.

About Last Weekend said...

The snipers who are the most invidious (insidious?) are the undermining comments and questioning snipers At least you're having fun with it! is the most brutal.

Suburbia said...

She (?) sounds like someone to be avoided! Glad I don't know her.

Steve said...

Very Bored in Catalunya: Karma is the poor man's revenge.

Kelloggsville: a cesspit of insincerity... I like it.

LCM: could be the one that gets my ass sued into oblivion...

Vix: doing OK. I got me a big gun.

Jon: missing the point? You missed the whole bloody metaphor! ;-)

Gorilla Bananas: but what use is a horse's head in a bed that already contains an old nag?

About Last Weekend: the passive aggressive kind are by far the worst...

Suburbia: you're uncanny. ;-)

Jon said...

Steve - that's me: thicker than a whole-ox bap with extra avocado & gilled peppers when it comes to euphemism & metaphor. Frankly, it's a miracle that I've stayed married this long.

Steve said...

Jon: is that a euphemism or a metaphor or a simile? ;-D

Owen said...

Ah, what perfidious creature brought this out ? Well, hopefully the sight of blood spattered all over the wall will give the other snipes pause before they come looking to mess with you ?

Steve said...

Owen: spray it again, Sam...

Nana Go-Go said...

Actually, a Snipe is a lovely bird with long legs and an even frightfully longer beak. Over to you...

Steve said...

Nana Go-Go: not in my neck of the woods it isn't...!

Löst Jimmy said...

The office species I'd wager?
It's a terrible human trait, I'd call it the worst kind. There are, unfortunately examples to be found everywhere.

Steve said...

Löst Jimmy: in my opinion there needs to be a mass cull.

the fly in the web said...

It might have to be a silver bullet...

Steve said...

The fly in the web: or a stake through the heart...

Nota Bene said...

Death to all snipes

Steve said...

Nota Bene: and long, slow, painful deaths at that...!

Anonymous said...

A Snipe! A wipe!
An utter gutter snip
BANG! BANG!
errrr
runt count roll to mayo^sing~tom
scope, scoop and snipsnap
boot on jawlip, soup a'la concrete crepé - bon voyage

this swill make more nonsense iffya do some alkO.. or a fuckoffalota chokO

Steve said...

Anonymous: who is your doctor? Can I see him too? Will he give me the same drugs? What if I said pretty please?

Being Me said...

Oh the cool, calm, collected words of the intelligent upper hand. I prefer those to gutter-sniping any day. Pretense and insincerity and game-playing should be thwacked out of a person before they leave school. Unfortunately, some are released into the wild without learning that these are indecent and unbecoming traits.

Loving VBIC's and Kellogsville's comments. Spot on the money. Good luck, Steve. I love this post. You are a very clever writer. Sod 'em all!

Steve said...

Being Me: I like you. You think I'm clever. ;-)

Timbo said...

It's no fun and less the snipe hears the cheers of jubilation. In fact better would be cheers of derision. Exposition and ridicule would be my weapons of choice.

Steve said...

Timbo: I can tell you're high brow. Me, I'd settle for giving them a damned good kicking.